Monday, April 30, 2007

Milk mustaches

Today I have discovered yet another great thing about sefira beards. (I seem to do that every sfira, complain about how much I cant stand my beard, how I wanna cut it off and throw it off a very high creaky bridge right this second, but go on to say one wonderful thing that its good for) Last time it was the fact that you can store food in it for later when you get hungry, and the fact that it can be used as a towel. This time its something even cooler- milk mustaches.
Its always annoying when you try to make an ad of yourself doing something really crazy while wearing a milk mustache, and wearing a 'got milk?' sign. The milk fades away about a quarter of a second after you drink it. Try getting a picture of that (while hanging upside down off an electric wire. And yes I know the real ads dont use milk, but thats not authentic so you wont catch me doing something as sneaky and underhanded as that)Now thanks to sfira beard the milk mustache stays on a lot longer. It gives the added couple of seconds that you need to take the picture real fast before the fire department (or worse, the guy whos motorcycle you just stole) can catch you.

Thursday, April 26, 2007


The State of Israel is suing halu taiman. Halu taiman is a shwarma joint in Jerusalem, reputed to have the best shwarma on this side of the kotel. While this may or may not be true, the lawsuit is (according to my various well placed sources, who may or may not be very high and eating mixtures of live and dead spiders)definitely happening. This has relevance because besides for having good shwarma, the first 10 thousand tapuach stickers had written on the bottom "sponsored by halu taiman". The goverment is suing because tapuachs are all over federal property. Wherever there is federal property(and where there isnt) there is a buncha cute little stickers (or spray paint)claiming that this traffic light thinks he's an apple, and insists that his state of confusion is sponsored by halu taiman.
If you ask me my opinion (never recommended unless you got lotsa time on your hands, and arent freaked out by pure insanity) the lawsuit doesnt have a chance. Besides for claiming that they never even sponsored it (not gonna comment on the validity of such a claim. I still like schwarma) they can easily point out in court that if they give out promotional bumper stickers its not their fault that a group of total madmen kidnapped the truckload when their backs were turned (or just received complimentary stickers with their laffa, whichever the lawyers think will work) and stuck them over every spare inch of civilization worldwide. Either way I dont think the governemnt can possibly think they're gonna win, I wonder what their objective is.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

An update

Cuz if I didnt I would probably wake up dead one morning with an assassins bullet lodged in my cranium.

Lots happening and not much time to talk. Israel is just out of control awesome. Today is yom hatzmaot. Thats the july 4th of Israel except its not on july 4th. Its not even in july. The weather is though. After getting snowed on a whole month in america, its great to finally have some sun and sky and sweat.
Here are some pics of a tank with an identity crisis.

אני תפוח Ani tapuach

Thursday, April 19, 2007


In Israel finally. Its great to be back. Spent the whole flight drinking with my catholic seatmate. After answering all his questions I was suddenly promoted to official spokesperson for all the jews on the plane. Every old lady seemed to feel that I'm the person to ask her judaism questions to. Its not like there werent any other jews. (I noticed cuz by the minyanim there were millions of 'em. And because of the screaming baby syndrome, oh yeah and cuz I can smell a jew a mile a way. Theyre the ones who wear the hats and cover their hair)

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Homeward Bound

Heading back to Israel in three days. I have decided that if humans were created to pack before traveling they would be born with a little duffel and carry-on. Therefore I just won't. (the trick is never to UNpack in the first place. In the last 8 years or so of always traveling Ive lived partly out of my suitcase, and partly in my suitcase. Its easy just cut air holes and you're good to go)

In regard to the now worldwide tapuach campaign, there seems to be some confusion. I will explain but listen up cuz I'm only gonna say this once (now that should really confuse everyone, I'm typing not saying and you can read this as many times as you like, I wont stop you. Go. Read this a couple of thousand times. Not only will you be wasting lots of time, and giving yourself and your shrink a double migraine, you will also not be getting this any clearer. ) The stickers have nothing,I repeat (and for those of you re re re re re re reading this YOU repeat) nothing to do with the story. That was just how the song got composed. Only after the song was composed did the movement get started.(and after the code in davinci code was revealed wink wink) Thankyou for your time.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

The New Blog

This is it. Welcome.
I hope they dont quit on me too, or I may have to do something drastic.Its great to have a blog that isnt gonna self destruct.Or that makes you do math problems before comenting. (for those of you who miss the math heres one for old times sake. 72 1/2 times 8.3. enjoy)
Pesach was wonderful. I cant wait to head back to Israel in week. over and out for now.

Ok Ok

You talked me into it. I'l update.

posted Sunday, 1 April 2007

Today I decided my room has to be cleaned for pesach. (or it was decided for me by some very unhappy parental units) Therefore I will (bli neder) be cleaning my room sometime today/tonight instead of waiting for the last minute (as in 3 minutes before shkia on erev pesach) like I usually do.

The tapuach campaign has spread all over the globe. There are tapuch stickers in all sorts of exciting countries. (if you ever make it to the red light district in amsterdam, you will see tapuach stickers.) We just need volunteers to get to the moon, and we'll have most of our galaxy covered.


posted Sunday, 25 March 2007

Just spent a couple of days in Niagra falls and Toronto. Relaxed. Had fun. Put up tapuach stickers. The North american phase of the tapuch campaign is almost complete.

Today I considered cleaning my room for pesach. Then I laughed maniacally. Then I considered putting tapuach stickers on the moon and found that just as funny but not as far fetched. I'm in the process of transferring so have no fear. The new blog will be here soon.

Dont Worry

Cuz worrying never did anybody any good. I promise.

posted Monday, 19 March 2007

I'm alive. Sorry about the long time no update. I got home late thursday night.(Which is slightly odd because I left monday night.) I wasnt arrested, although I did put a bunch of tapuach stickers around Germany. I also put on a show for about a hundred Indians (red dots and all) in the airport while they waited for their flight. (its the fourth continent I did cartwheels in) When I finally made it home I was greeted by a wonderful snowstorm. Sometime tonight we're gonna start the north american phase of the tapuach campaign. Whatever we missed so far in the world conquest. Should be easy. (I dont care how hard movies make it look, they're all morons)


thats me

posted Tuesday, 13 March 2007

Im right now in the airport. Waiting. Its fun to wait. Theres all sorts of other people waiting with you. Some of them are impatient. Some are reading. Some are sitting with their heads in their hands as if they just lost their luggage. (Speaking of luggage I hope security doesnt go through my suitcases. Besides for the other contraband I have a license plate from a arab bus. A friend stole it when he and some guys trashed an arab village for no reason. I hope they dont confiscate it.) The one thing we all have in common is that we're waiting. (actually that chinese guy at the far end of this row is wearing a shirt, I'm also wearing a shirt. So we have lots in common. I think I'm gonna go over and say hi.) I wish I had my roller blades. These long smooth floors they have here are perfect. Next time I'l try to remember. (no not the same way I said I was gonna bring a jumprope and a frisbee, this time I'm gonna tie something around my finger or something.) Stangely this whole flight seems to be made up of old people. I wonder if theres a convention somewhere. An old person convention. For old people. With sunglasses. At four in the morning. Indoors. And with lots of rustly plastic bags. That rustle. When you rustle them. I wonder. It would probably be a real fun convention to visit. For a couple of minutes. Then when you're done laughing, run real fast out of there. Or not so fast. Depending on canes being present or not. And if you like getting hit on the head with rustly plastic bags full of rotten cabbage, (or whatever else they managed to stick in there) Some people actually enjoy that sort of thing. But not with cabbage, thats not so common. Its more common with avacadoes. I dont know why.

Ok An Update

cuz i wanna, and i will, wtvr the odds

posted Tuesday, 13 March 2007

Im leaving Israel in a couple of hours. I still havent packed. I havent done a lot of things. Im gonna stop over in Germany. Should be fun. I'm gonna be alone with my camera and lots of tapuach stickers. Theres no way I'm gonna make my flight to NY. I should probably buy some matza. Just in case I get stuck for pesach. (Or when I get stuck. the chances of me making my flight are those of a sushi chef, wrapped in seaweed, covered in wasabi and thrown out of a 94th floor window, with hot metal chopsticks thrust in between his toes, of surviving) I heard the German police arent so friendly either. Lets hope they can't outrun me , or I'm gonna be there for shavuos also.

Not Updating

nope. this isnt an update. This is a fignewton of your imagination

posted Sunday, 11 March 2007

I wanna update, but since I'm going to have to copy and paste it all to a new blog, I dont wanna. I started a new blog and started the slow process of redoing it all. I'l let y'all know when its done. If it takes too long, I may just be forced to update on this site-of-annoying-math-problems.

The Bloggg

doesnt it look cooler with 3 g's?

posted Thursday, 8 March 2007

This blog will self destruct in 10 seconds. You do not have time to run. If you feel bad for your mouse you have enough time to throw it out the window. Make sure to unplug it first.Ok ok, sit down. Wipe that panicked look off your face. I'm sorta kidding. Nothings gonna blow. At least not for a couple of months. It will delete itself at the end of the year. Dont worry, I'l let you know where I'm moving to. I also think thats the reason it wasnt letting anyone comment. (We'll see if comments work this entry. If it doesnt, chuck your mouse out the window or something)

I spent today at the beach. Relaxed. Built a huge sand castle. With a nice moat and all sorts of wonderful designs. Everyone stopped to take pics. You'd think they'd never seen a sand castle before. I only have a couple of days left till I go to America. So I'm chilling out, and assuming my stuff will just pack itself. (Hmm, I dont think I unpacked in the first place.) In other news the j key just popped off my keyboard. But if I push my finger in the empty slot it made I can still get the letter. It looks sorta like a knocked out tooth gap. I hope it can be fixed, or I'm gonna have to memorize where the j key was everytime I wanna push it.


Long gone. like ancient history, covered in dust, creaking. even the spiders died of old age.

posted Tuesday, 6 March 2007

Purim is over. It was an amazing purim. The longest purim I ever experienced. About 15 days long. Each day was awesome.Its weird that its finally over. Like why all of a sudden? Nobody minded starting Rosh chodesh, why would yesterday be the last day? I spent the last night of purim passed out in a strangers house, and walked back this morning wearing my costume. People looked and stared as I walked. Which was strange because any of the last 15 days nobody wouldve looked twice. It was also my costume that made people stare, usually people have other reasons to stare at me.

Taynis Ester

gibble gonk gork grout greesh grankl grould green grave granny grieves gray grimy grandad grolsh

posted Thursday, 1 March 2007

Today is taynis ester. (oh no, is he serious? I gotta put down this humongous burger thats just oozing deliciousness?) Although I've gone for days without food (like having to hike for a couple of days with just water and some bread, and first running out of bread, then running out of water. then just running, then tiring, then making it home alive) I decided to practice for a fast yesterday, so I went 12 hours straight without eating or drinking. After 12 hours I quickly drank 2 liters of water and devoured 5 huge chicken sandwiches. Then I went to sleep. Therefore, today I'm all ready for the fast. (practice practice practice) As you can tell, I'm not even mentioning food at all. Not even thinking about it. I dont even remember what it was that I wasnt supposed to be thinking about. My vocabulary storage guys just did a little mutiny routine and made whatever it was walk the plank. Splash. Blub blub. (hey that was my pillow) I'm still unsure what my plans are for purim, but I know that its gonna involve a lot of drinking and parties. (in reality purim started last week. I love this country! we're having 3 solid weeks of aweome parties!) As for shabbos I was planning on going out of yerushalayim to catch an extra day of purim. However since its purim wherever you are anyway even if its technically not purim, and since I've been to the kotel only a couple of times since I came, I figure shabbos would be a great time to go to the kotel.

Taking Vids

Sorry but I wont post em.just use your imagination.

posted Wednesday, 28 February 2007

Today I took some videos of me around town.One of the videos was me cartwheeling across kikar shabbos intersection when it was a green light. I didnt get hit, but all the people on the bus found it very humorous. So did the people on the side of the road waiting for the light. I also stood on the side of the road holding a lightbulb over my head, while my camera recorded some peoples reactions. When I borrowed the guy on the side of the street's keyboard and attempted to pound out "I know a song that gets on everybodies nerves" there was nobody happier then that charity collector. After I danced with the big santa robot guy with peyos in front of the kippah store, lots of people lined up to take the same video on their cameras. For some reason nobody tried the cartwheel one also. I did a bunch of other fun stuff, but it wasnt captured on camera. (you have to be real fast to catch me, and if you miss it once the cops are there to stop you from doing it again)

This shabbos would be a real good time to go away for shabbos, due to the fact that purim starts motze shabbos in other cities besides yerushalayim. If I would spend sunday elsewhere and return for monday, I'd have two days of purim. I'm not sure what I'm doing yet, but I might end up staying and only having one day. (a gantz yor purim, anyway) Already today little kids were seen prancing around in their costumes delivering hamentashen to their neighbors. Theres approximately 2 weeks of purim in this country. Its amazing.

Not Much

Just gonna blabber for a couple of seconds,pretend I'm not here and continue your conversation with a lightbulb, youl gain more from that..

posted Saturday, 24 February 2007

This shabbos I ended up staying by a breslav guy. I wasnt sure where I would end up, cuz I had 5 groups of friends going to totally different places.But I made up my mind right before shabbos. (I also made up my mind what I would eat for breakfast. Choices. They are tougher then you think)Shabbos was tons of fun.

This whole country is getting into the purim spirit now, so you cant walk anywhere without hearing some loud music, even louder fireworks and drunken dancing. Its almost like chanuka, smelling donuts frying, or sukkos seeing the billions of sukkos, or shavuos hearing the sounds of stampeding cattle. (I havent been here for a shavuos yet, so I'm just relying on hearesay for those stampeding reports. It could very well be that its totally fabricated) I love it when a whole country gets involved in the same thing. It makes things seem more real.

Some More Apple

about the tapuach campaign

אני תפוח

posted Tuesday, 20 February 2007

The tapuach campaigns been going on for less then a week. Already the entire country is plastered. From all the way up north to all the way down south. There are volunteers who pledged to knock off certain 'prime' targets. (such as breaking into the egged bus lot, and getting each and every bus, to slapping them onto the knesset building, or on randon homeless guys.) Today in middle of the afternoon, I climbed up to the top of a traffic light in the middle of kikar shabbos. Everyone watched me make the ascent slowly up (and I mean everyone. Nobody was moving. During rush hour.) And after I stuck it on everyone clapped and cheered. In a different part of the country,some guys were almost arrested but managed to get away after a minor fist fight with some cops. Basically its been a pretty big success so far. (If anyone would like to sponsor the next shipment please contact me)

Ani Tapuach Revolution

I'm an apple youre an apple we're all apples :)אני תפוח

posted Sunday, 18 February 2007

This is probably the only place in the world that you're gonna read about the ani tapuach revolution, unabridged, and skipping nothing(not intentionally at least, out of 3 brain cells that I have left, one is having a sick day and one is busy trying to tie his shoes, so I cant remember much these days). The original story(although it already has a couple of slightly different versions) takes place a couple of years back. Some yeshiva guys (No I dont know any of them personally, at least I dont know if I do, cuz no one can pinpoint exactly who it was. Although I know a guy whos cousins friend was the driver or something.)were speeding in Israel and were pulled over by a cop. The driver after pretending to completely not understand the cop's requests for his license and registration, hands them over with a little wave (underhand, in the its all under control gesture) and says [dont worry] "ani tapuach" (hebrew for I'm an apple). The cop obviously has no clue what he's talking about and puzzled he asks "mah?" Again he repeats his statement with total smug self assurance, that the cop has to ask again "mah?" After a couple of times and the cop starts getting frustrated, a guy from the back pipes up (in an exaggerated american accent) " hu lo yodeya ivris kol kach tov, hu rotze liomer, shekulanu tapuchim!" ( he doesnt know hebrew so well, he wants to say that we are ALL apples!) The cop just let them go. Thats the original story. Then a friend of mine (the garden variety lacking in the sanity department friend of mine)a couple of months ago wrote a song about the incident called ani tapuach. (The lyrics are 'ani tapuach, ata tapuach, kulani tapuchim') Its a very catchy tune and it became rather popular. Then just recently he got a shwarma resturant to sponsor over 10 thousand (just for now, but many more are on the way)bumper stickers with the phrase (by now practically an anthem) ani tapuach ata tapuach kulanu tapuchim. Instantly they were stuck all over the entire country of Israel in every place that you'd never even think thered be one. This friday I was part of the volunteer crew who's job was to cover the entire shomron area with stickers. We started hitching around going from place to place putting em up. We even got to shchem. We hung around the entrance to shchem contemplating putting stickers on the ominous sign prohibiting entry for israelis, but decided against it.(I didnt think it would be a good spot for it) We did put all over the country though. (some pics at end) For shabbos we ended up in elon moreh. Its a beautiful settlement right next to shchem, overlooking shchem, har grizim, har eval, and a couple of arab villages. We got there a little before shkia and knocked on the door at the yeshiva, and asked if there were a couple of empty beds. There were cuz one class had went on a trip, so we unpacked (read: removed cellphone and camera from pocket and placed on dresser) and spent an amazing shabbos in elon moreh. After shabbos we hitched around some more and covered some more ground for the tapuach association volunteer work. We made it back home ok. (besides for us having a minor rock and firework fight, and me winning a chin up contest against two arabs off a street sign) Consider yourselves lucky, when you see the tapuach sticker somewhere in the future, you'll know 'the rest of the story'..

shchem (nablus)


just a country somewhere

posted Thursday, 15 February 2007

I spent the last couple of days in Egypt. Had an awesome time. Some friends and I had some time so we went. We had a driver named Khaleel. He's one of those guys who wear a hand towel on his head and beach towel on his body. Heres a pic.

Khaleel came along with his sidekick security guard. He wore a suit and a very large gun. His name was (in Arabic, something like) squiggle sguiggle sguiggle dot dot sguiggle. He actually saved us a couple of times. We spent tuesday in naama bay, which is the the town center of sharm el sheik. An arab shop owner in naama bay seemed to think my bathing suit would look better on him then on me, and wasnt gonna take no for an answer. After getting away from him and a couple of other 'salesmen' we were glad to see Squiggle squiggle squiggle dot dot squiggle start accompanying us(instead of melting into the crowd and keeping an eye on us unseen). All he had to do was give 'the look' (mess with my boys and you a dead man look) or in an extreme case lift 'the finger' (index, in the uncle sam wants you pose) and people would leave us alone. Heres some pics of naama bay. Then we drove to saint catherine. Thats where har sinai is thought to be. We hiked up the mountain. We started at about 1:30 in the morning and hiked all through the night. It was intense. I almost died. It was a pretty hard hike partly because it was pitch dark, and we had to dodge thousands of tourists and camels doing the same hike (and avoid rocks and slipping and falling over the edge), and partly because I wasnt prepared for the frigid temperatures. (crocs, no socks, tshirt, with thin sweatshirt. Word of advice: if you're ever going hiking for more then 3 hours dont wear crocs, its just not so fun) We caught sunrise on the top of the mountain. I was shivering so much I wasnt able to take a clear picture part of the time. Then we hiked down the mountain, and defrosted slowly as the scorching desert sun slowly rose.
We got back to Khaleel and Squiggle sguiggle squiggle dot dot sguiggle, and drove another 6 hours through the sinai desert. (for the zillionth time throughout the trip) When we got to Cairo, we rented horses and a guide and went off to the pyramids. It was awesome. Theres few things as exhilirating as sitting in the open desert on a powerful arabian steed, taking it to full gallop. No sounds at all but the horse's heavy breathing and hoofs on the sand.Horses can go a lot faster then I thought. (maybe cuz theres guard rails in the desert, so they can just fly) We toured the pyramids and rode around taking pictures. After the pyramids we had to do another buncha hours in the desert. This time the checkpoints didnt just let us pass as easily as before. But we got through em all. (like duh, I'm typing this) I cant figure out why they had so many in the first place. Are the camels escaping? What are they so scared of down there?
Anyway, we got back over the border and it was a real relief. It was so great to see jews again. I was even happy to see the mean Israeli security lady again. It was also cool to see signs that had hebrew on it. We hadnt seen any hebrew in the entire time we were in Egypt. While in Egypt I truly felt like a stranger in a strange land. I had an awesome time, but its great to be home, in my country.

Heres some random pics. (only some, sorry)

A mall in naama bay

a hooka bar

sunrise on top

suez tunnel

the nile river

thats all for now. It takes way to much time to post pics and to shrink em.

Quick Update

cuz its better to get it over fast,then to let it drag out long and painfully. ask any dentist.

posted Sunday, 11 February 2007

This shabbos I ended up in Bat ayin. Its a small settlement in gush etzion. We decided to go at last minute. We didnt all have place to stay and meals, but we got on the bus and anyway. The busdriver informed us that although it was the bat ayin bus, he wasnt going to bat ayin. No reason given. When we got to a stop, (in the same country, so it wasnt that bad) we had time to simultaneously make calls and hitch. Shabbos was amazing and I had an awesome time. We didnt have to camp out or eat grass. (which is a good thing. grass only tastes good with ranch dressing and I didnt bring any)

Today I raced oranges down steep jerusalem hills. The way to do that is take oranges and push em down a hill (don't worry they dont complain. and even if they did you wouldnt hear them anyway. you could go on sleeping and not have to be woken up by shrill cries of pulp splattered pain, ok?) and you run real fast. I won. By miles.

Pics Game

I shrunk these even more.

posted Thursday, 8 February 2007

Try to guess where or what these are.... (I took them all within the last week. although they dont look as good shrunken, you're gonna have to use your imagination to appreciate them. Otherwise it would mess up the whole blog size thing.)


With me. Grinning. laughing. smiling. its enough to give anyone a heart attack

posted Wednesday, 7 February 2007

I'm not sure when, but sometimes soon my smiling big face is gonna be plastered all over the city. (not my actual face, that would hurt if I got it plastered all over the city, and plaster doesnt come out of ears easily) Yesterday, I modeled for some posters. Chances are if you walk down a street like geula in the sometime near future, you'll see millions of me staring at you. But dont panic. Panicking never helped anybody. If you dont find my advice helpful, and you still want to panic, then feel free to panic. Run down the street waving your arms and screaming as loud as you can. Then start throwing whatever you can get your hands on, and doesnt react violently to being thrown. (biting and clawing isnt what we term 'violently' so feel free to throw your little brother. Unless he's like my little brother and has a small arsenal at his disposal, in which case getting a grenade or a chain saw lobbed down your pants definitely qualifies as violently and youre gonna wanna avoid throwing him.) Smash things and light things on fire. If you can, blow stuff up. Resist arrest. Knock the cop on the head with something hard that managed to escape getting thrown when you first starting panicking. Take the other cops hat away and throw it into the bushes. Laugh maniacally. Run real fast when backup shows up.But only if you werent able to steal a motorcycle. Spend all your time in prison rattling the bars and howling. When trial time comes and the insanity plea gets rejected, (if) you can place the blame on my shoulders. (plenty of room. 'these shoulders hold up so much they wont budge, even if my collarbone's crushed or crumbled I would never slip or stumble cuz I'm a soldier) Explain that you were under the influence of doodle's posters and are completely not responsible for any actions that you may have accidentally resulted while in a state of panic (except that one involving a grenade getting chucked down somebodies pants, theres gotta be a line drawn somewhere) Make sure you can produce a copy of the poster for the jury to see for themselves. So steal one right when the ads go up. This way when the courtroom sees the poster and they go into panic stage, and you finished ducking the thrown objects (that hammer of the judge has got a wicked edge, so make sure that misses you) you can make your escape right before the courtroom gets blown up. If the jury just looks blankly at you, and the old guy (the one with the ridiculous mustache, and who does all the talking for the rest of the courtroom, I think he likes being called prosecutor) asks you if you're joking, and you know he's not gonna be the one to panic (however many grenades get stuffed down his pants) then at least you have a nice poster to hang on your drab cell walls. I'll even stop by to visit (and watch you panicking up and down your cell, throwing your teddy bear at the bars, and saying 'boom' in a loud voice, while I pass the popcorn around to the rest of the spectators) and maybe even to autograph it.

As for shabbos my plans for this shabbos are up in the air right now.(weird, huh?) So I can be anywhere. (hopefully somewhere fun and exciting, but you never know) I should end up deciding before shkia friday night. Thats the initial plan for now. (I think I'm getting the hang of this planning in advance thing, I'd start doing it more often, except that it would remove a lot of the fun out of stuff. Except in the planning to blow stuff up planning beforehand thing.Thats always fun.)

Fun Day

'the sunl come out tomorow, betchur bottom dollar that tomorow, therel b sun, come what may, tomorow, tomorow i lovya tomorow ur always a day away"......

posted Sunday, 4 February 2007

This past shabbos was very cool, but not what I was expecting. Kfar chabad did not have nearly as much vodka as I anticipated. They had plenty but I was really looking forward to the whole faucet thing. I think I have more vodka in my freezer then they had at the table, (not that much more, only a couple of bottles) but I had a very good shabbos nontheless.

Today I'm having a real fun day. First, when I wake up in the morning my phone informs me that its "restricted" and I have to type in a password. My phone company is totally cluless, and the hebrew dictionary doesnt cover the words I need to explain the problem to them. What ends up happening is that I ask them if they have a box full of laws that my phone swallowed. Finally I get my point across and they decide the problem is beyond them.So I spend a whole bunch of hours going to different stores trying to find someone to unlock my phone. The rain is making my socks make real interesting squish squish noises, and my socks sound like they are trying to tell me something. Pedestrians keep shooting me these weird looks every time I start shouting at my socks "what? what do you want? just say it already!" When I get to the store that unlocked my phone originally, they swear that once a phone is unlocked it can never be locked again, so obviously its a different phone and someone must have climbed into my room while I was asleep and switched my phone for an unlocked one. "like saying today is monday when its sunday, It just can't be that its relocked. Its impossible" The next store tells me the same thing except that "It can't be, the same way you would tell me its not raining outside. It just is" (they all have such great analogies, I bet they all sit around in a cellphone store owner conference making up exciting analogies to drive their customers bonkers) Finally they charge me 50 shek, but after insisting my ohone numbers wont be lost I lose almost every single one. (I had about 300, and now I got to start all over). I have a phone. So I'm very excited. I head back to my apartment to change out of my wet socks and shoes (I'm on my 4th pair of socks, shoes, and pants for the day) I try opening my door but my key get a little jammed. Since this happens all the time I just push a little harder. Anyway my key makes a sharp turn to the left and bends in a 90 degree angle. So I bend it the other way but only half bends, so now my key looks like a w. So giving up on dry socks I wander around the country till I bump into my apartment mate who lends me a key. I let myself in and decide to give up completely on keeping my pants and stuff dry, so I put on a pair of shorts and crocs and venture out into the storm. (this way I stay dry). Then a cab tries running me over. But unlike most cabs, this one is very different. Usually after I dodge, the guy gives up and drives away. This guy just kept on circling, coming back again and again, trying to get me. After dodging a million times, he finally gave up.After some more time I realize my head shouldnt be getting so wet, when I discover my umbrella has permanently turned itself upside down and it refuses to turn right side up. Seeing that pushing wont help (those little metal joints just snap if they dont like you) I have to use an umbrella that catches the water wonderfully. (Its weird that umbrellas are round in the first place. If someone would invent a square umbrella not only would it stay in the right position, it would cover you so much better. Think about it, which human being is round anyway? square would cover your body so much better and you might even be dry.) Today is turning into a real fun day after all. And its only half way through. I wonder what else can happen.

With Pics

I shrunk em a little but i noticed that lotsa detail and quality was lost, so i didnt shrink em that much.

posted Thursday, 1 February 2007

Today I snapped a pic of the riot police. You know, also known as "men in black" "yassams" "nazis" and "aaaaaaaaaah!". They are the crowd control guys who enjoy inflicting pain and smashing people into little cute piles of people powder. There was a house being demolished for not having the proper permits when it was built, and leaving some people homeless. (as in less of a home then before, in this case zilcherooski home) There were a bunch of regular cops there but the crowd got bigger and bigger so backup was called. Then the crowd got a lot smaller real fast.

Then I bought the hugest slab of halvah. and devoured the whole thing. It was about 4 1/2 thousand calories, and I enjoyed each one. (thats four and a half thousand little enjoyment units) Heres a pic.

This shabbos I'm heading to kfar chabad. Thats one of the few places thats rumored to have vodka replacing the water in the faucets. We'll have to investigate if these rumors are indeed true. Stay tuned..


1 home for another

posted Monday, 29 January 2007

It looks like I'm gonna be going home for pesach.I was contemplating for a little while to actually stay in the holy land for the holiday, but my father informed me that it would be a "better idea" to come home. (without parents I dont know what It'd do, probably something stupid and dangerous. g-d bless em.) I just booked my ticket today. Luckily, I managed to arrange a stopover in germany. Should be fun. I'm still debating about wearing my "my ancestors survived the holocaust and all I got was this lousy tshirt" shirt there. It probably wont go over to well there. (it probably wouldnt go over well anywhere, which is the whole point of a tshirt, otherwise everyone would just be wearing tie-dyed peace signs and thered never be any gang wars.) I still have time to decide.

In other news,today I finally gave in to the temptation and covered the guy who blocked my driveway's windshield in mayo. And I mean covered. Theres no way hes gonna get it off, or park there again. I was getting fed up with ketchup cuz it wasnt a long lasting condiment, and olive oil probably just made his windshield cleaner. Hopefully he learned his lesson or I may have to resort to desperate measures. (last time this happened ,after emtying our fridge on his car, we considering using a bucket of poop, but we felt that a bit to harsh for a first time offender.) Next time we may be less nice. Consider yourselves warned. (or if you have an annoying neighbor, and are looking for some amusement, you can push his car in front of my place, and let nature take its course. For added enjoyment video his face when he discovers his car. And if you still arent satisfied put the vid online. If that doesnt do it email it to his mother-in-law. and first grade teacher. and that bald guy he plays golf with on sundays. and his congressman. If you still arent amused you should seek professional help. Maybe a psychologist. Or just push a psychologists car in front of my driveway.Or a psychologist. Whatever works for you)

Good Shabbos

in protest of cutting off these subtitle thingys at the interesting part I'm no longer gonna write any interesting stuff. So there. Nowatchagonnado tough guy?

posted Friday, 26 January 2007

For yet another friday I get to enjoy myself, relax.Do nothing. Today I went to the shuk. Got a new pair of crocs. Stocked up on garinim. Went to geulah.Met some friends. Blocked off the street. It was a kid in a wheelchair's birthday so we celebrated with him. We got the Cd salesman on the side of the street to blast music, and we blocked off the street with joyous dancing with him and his friends. Everybody in the street joined in, all sorts of people. All with a huge smile. We even pulled some cab drivers out of their cars to join. (the bus drivers werent so easy to persuade) This went on for a while, but kikar shabbos cant be stopped indefinitely. Even on a birthday. The kid was ecstatic. Its a birthday he'll remember for a long time. Everyone with a camera or camcorder made sure they wouldnt forget it either. After we had finished, and most of the gathered crowd dispersed (anything happens and instantly theres a huge crowd of people gawking. I dont know how they know that somethings happening. Daily I gather everyone together, but thats usually when I start a scene or somehing) a woman came running "oh! could you all start dancing again? I just got my video camera" By then the birthday had gone so we had to continue on our scheduled friday agenda. (Lots and lots of garinim. Eat. Spit. be happy. Repeat. That sorta thing.)

Blah blah

know what I just realized?This stupid subtitle thing cuts me off about a quarter the way through.All the important stuff that I usually write is completely gone.Forever and ever.lost forever. oh woe is me. for i havent a clue what i wrote.what if it

posted Thursday, 25 January 2007

This shabbos I'm going to be going to one of my relatives. I figure its about time I did. This particular relative invited me about 37 squadrillion times, and each time I had to say that I would love to come but this shabbos I already had plans to go to________ (fill in the blank with whichever place you'd like. Wasnt that fun? Lets play that game! "Charles was a _____ . He enjoyed______, but only on thursdays, if he had ketchup and __________. His great great grandfather was a famous_______, who was also known for his _______ ________. One day charles was walking along to go to the_____, carrying the urn with his famous great great grandfathers ashes.And all of a sudden he was eaten by a giant, scary _________, charles, ashes, and urn. All eaten. the end". Wasnt that a great?I love that game.) So my wonderful relative (who I love dearly, but just had the rotten luck of always calling after I had already made plans) finally told me to call her when my "busy schedule allowed the time" for them. So I'm making time this week. Should be fun. (it usually is. After all, they're related to me)


is dedicated to all those computer people who actually know they're stuff and dont mind sharing their knowledge with those less fortunate

posted Wednesday, 24 January 2007

[Ironically, I cant figure out how to put those pics here so I wont even bother bothering those computer people, who know everything. pretend you see pics of dumb people who have no clue where the 'any' key is scratching their heads and looking puzzled]

Ah computers.... Arent they awesome?