Friday, December 2, 2011

Doodleview

I know. I must update more. Here is a real update, full of my opinion on lots of important and substantial issues that you can quote from me when I run for president. (Just a few short years left until I'm old enough) You may know them however its still fun to see it in writing. My opinion on:

Politics- Democracy introduced a novel idea to the world. Now, not only can you get screwed by politicians, you can actually CHOOSE which ones you want to do the screwing.

Religion- Theres just no way mere humans will ever figure out how to do things right. Without the aid of an authentic divine source, (such as the torah) man will continue to blunder about in the dark creating nonsensical ideas, laws and societies doomed to faults and failure.

Gays- How a poor substitute for the real thing ever got so much acceptance with people claiming not to have any mental deficiencies is beyond me.

Exercise- Treadmills and other exercise equipment are over priced clothing hangers. If you want exercise get outside into the real world and climb up cliffs for a month or two.

Blogs- Nowadays, every jerk thinks they can have an opinion, even if they don't.

Sports- Those that play, fail to impress me. (If you want to be a real athlete see 'exercise' above.) As for the fans, you guys get your butts off the couch and go do something for a change. Enough of this vicarious exercise.

Movie Stars- People who idolize people based on their being in a motion picture need to search for a more productive hobby. As for people who are in motion pictures; either either need to learn how to act or they also should search for a more productive hobby.

Music- I like it.

Luxury automobiles- Hey, I enjoy a fun drive as much as the next guy. I don't necessarily understand people who plunk down crazy sums for a vehicle, that although it drives quite fast they neither exceed 55 mph nor explore the handling capabilities. If they want their friends and enemies to know they have extra money to spare, whats stopping them from opening a charity fund or something?

Video games- See 'sports fans' above.

Clothing hangers- I'm actually quite impressed with that invention. So simple and yet so useful. Bravo. Keep up the good work.

I gotta run now, but if you desire to hear my opinion on more feel free to add anything.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Behold!

Yes, an update. Just when you thought the blog was dead, rigor mortis set in, the will read and fought over already and the finishing touches of the plaque with little red lights done. Along comes a post, and zombie-like cracks open the coffin and crawls its way to the surface. Dirt and grass roots caked along the side and dirt filling its ears and other orifices. It straightens up and shakes off some spiders as it shuffles forward, arms straight ahead. Searching, seeking out a victim, from the land of the living.

Its been a long time since I blogged. Much has happened but alas much has been forgotten. I should attempt to fill in the blanks but that would be like a man on a desert island trying to write his memoirs with his pen and paper that he made sure to pack in his fanny pack. Noticing that his fanny pack rests comfortably at the bottom of the ocean with his pants and cans of tuna, he tries using coconuts to record his magnum opus for posterity. When that fails miserably he ends up with the old fashioned notches in the tree to record how many days and a crude "bob wuz here" scratched with his fingernail and -when that cracked -toenail. I'm in the same boat (pun, although corny, intended) as Bob because my memories that were unrecorded by this blog are lost in the same place where his fanny pack is. Instead of mourning the past or resorting to mere lines on the trunk of a tree I shall update today as if I have never missed a day:

Although it seems like I never have a second to breathe, I took it easy today. Went shopping around Jerusalem, caught up with some old friends. I have a flight to catch tomorrow night to Ukraine. Where I will end up I don't know. I may just miss the flight intentionally. Time will tell and planning is for other people. We shall see....

Saturday, July 3, 2010

You are seriously out of the loop

If you are not aware of my twitter accounts existence or are aware but not following me, my advice it to get on the bandwagon. Its a different style then this blog and I'm limited to 140 characters.(which can be a pretty good thing depending on how much you like hearing me talk and which side of the bathroom door you are on) Just text the words 'follow z302' to the short code 40404 or search on twitter.com for z302. If you'd prefer I also run a mental telepathy version of this blog which updates at least once a day. To join just telepathically send me an indication that you'd like to follow me and I'd gladly share.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

An update?

I have recently been informed by a small fowl fluttering by, that my fans would like my head. If that ornithological breakthrough was referring to my head atop my shoulders, I will now attempt to offer it for sale on e-bay. For sale: Head, used slightly, often as a paperweight, occasionally as hat rack, although most often just a safe place to store bits of string, glue and any random facts on things you probably don't want to know. This head does not include free shipping or detaching. Any bids are made with the knowledge that the buyer will have to remove head from body at his own risk and using his own tools.
If however this wanting of my head was metaphorically referring to the desire for my head detached from my body, without any need for my head itself, due to my lack of updating this blog and possibly my prank calls to random people at 3 in the morning, then I do apologize. Not for waking you up to inquire about the state of your kitchen appliances, nor because of this blog's terrible update rate. I apologize simply because I refuse to part with my head just for kicks. If someone was planning on bidding on it on ebay I might make an exception, but the alternative just will not fly. I'm rather attached to it in an anatomical way and besides I have just updated. If you are stuck with any string and glue and are having difficulty storing it anywhere, perhaps try a box. Or a bag. A flower pot can work and so can a thermonuclear power plant. Either way, when you locate a proper receptacle of your choice, ask yourself this one question: "Yeah but can it ALSO double as a hat rack and paperweight?" I think not.

Monday, October 12, 2009

I haven't learned chinese yet either

Take a look at all these comments. I have no idea in what language they are written or what they mean. I am very curious. If you know what language it is, or what they mean, please let me know in a language I know. If you are the people or person writing the comments, Hi, how are you? Welcome to this blog. I write in English. Occasionally I throw in a little Hebrew or Yiddish. Once in a blue moon some French or Spanish, and I think I might have dropped an Aramaic word once. Either way, please feel free to respond in kind, the way I write. (making a minimal amount of sense, but in pretty understandable words. You don't have to try typing from a moving motorcycle like I do sometimes, as long as the end result is the same. Use a moving Elephant if thats the medium of choice in the country you originate from. Really, I'm not picky.) Thanks for listening, love doodle.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Not In Hawaii

Nope I'm not in Hawaii. If I receive another accusation of such, I may just actually go just to avoid further accusations. I haven't updated in what seems like years. This wouldn't seem to bother me much except that today I was googling for some random necessary information (google totally rocks) and I encountered one of my old blog posts. I sat down and read a few months of my really old posts, completely surprised that I had almost no recollection of most of the events that transpired back then. I decided right on the spot that I must blog for I am forgetting precious bits of my life. Quite entertaining bits of my life.
However, as I finally attempt to do jot down some of my thoughts I notice that I do not seem to remember what has taken place over the last few months. (I still dont wear a watch and if someone tries to inform me what year we are in I always put my fingers in my ears and say "alalalalalalalalalalal" until they go away. I try not to waste precious space in my brain for things as trivial as the time or date.) I do remember some things that has happened. For example, I do know that after two trials my sentence consists of community service. (Actually my plea bargain. And if I complete another additional 6 months of good behavior it gets erased from my criminal record completely!) I have finally completed the necessary hours and I'm sure the community is much better off. (Bah, the stupid justice system in this goshdurned country) I still have to get a letter sent to the judge or it doesn't qualify. Also I have hiked around the USA a bit. Or quite a lot. I've done some long distant hikes, the most notable was a bit more then 50 miles in one day. Starting at 6 am and hiking until somewhere around 9 in the evening. At the moment I'm wishing to go Israel for the chag, but it doesnt seem to be happening. I do carry my passport around, just in case.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Fighting Swine Flu The Easy Way

Sleep. Thats the easy way. I don't think there IS an easier way than just sleeping. Thats what I did. I slept for two days and when I awoke my swine flu was gone. I'm sure theres gonna be a vaccine to allow your immune system to do what it was about to do any way, or perhaps some sorta natural healing process, involving copious quantities of strong smelling herbs applies to various limbs and orifices, but where I come from sleep is considered the easier alternative. Also there are no side effects. Nothing permanent or noticeable anyway. I do recall a quite vivid hallucination in which I struggled with three angels for possession of my blanket while they beat me in the face with their wings and I attempted to get warm, but I think that was a result of the 103 plus body temperature, not the sleeping cure. Sleeping seems to be the safe, affordable and mildly entertaining way to beat swine flu. Good luck.
(the above statements were not evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. If those tushy faces disagree with any of the above then they obviously need extreme help with their reading comprehension as it is quite obvious that nothing in the above is intended to diagnose, prevent, mitigate, treat or cure the 2009 H1N1 influenza virus. And furthermore, I stand behind my assessment of the FDA being tushy faces, and I'd like to amend that I feel you guys are GIANT tushy faces. You no longer deserve the regular tushy face status any longer. Grow up a bit, you giant tushy faces.)