Thursday, December 13, 2007


Its been a while since I updated last. I know. Its been a while cuz its really difficult to update blogs when you're spending every waking moment of your day studying for your bar exam, taking skydiving courses and helping old ladies cross the street. (a very much overrated activity, since if old ladies can walk the blocks between the street crossings they can probably make the short distance across the street without your assistance. Plus its not like you're doing much more than a cane would anyway. However if you plan on pursuing a career in presidency of the US, then it would at least accomplish some brownie points on your resume, if nothing else.) Not that I've actually been doing any of that lately, but I'm sure its difficult to update your blog when doing any of the aforementioned activities. So I hear. The problem with not updating often is that I forget what I've been up to all this time, and have to take wild guesses hoping that I'm close to the truth. (If I'm not and somehow recover my lost memories I'll be first to line up in the class action lawsuit against myself. If I ever pass my bar exam that is.)
I have received all the emails, voice mails, text messages and telegrams (ok not really telegrams, but telegrams are tons of fun. STOP. They actually have em at the post office here, but when I tried sending one, they gave me a long complicated speech in hebrew that involved the words powdered yak bone, and telephone a lot. So I'm not sure what the whole story on them is.STOP.)people sent to inquire on my living status. Well I'm alive and kicking and trying not to hurt my toes when kicking. I'm contemplating taking a trip to Japan or Europe in the near future, but haven't decided on details, and I still havent figured out how to smuggle a trained monkey in my carry-on. I also am planning a cross country moped trip when I get back to the US but thats not for while. Still have to work out a few details like the moped, helmet, and where to stop. (seattle, LA, alaska, mexico, What do you think?)

Monday, November 26, 2007

The New Ani Tapuach

The ani tapuach campaign (if you are just tuning in, stop, and go read my previous entries on the topic. Right now. Put down the sandwich, no not on the keyboard, the mayonnaise will ruin the keyboard, yeah the mouse should be a better spot for now.) has been very successful at reaching its worldwide audience. Theres hardly anyone who hasnt heard of it or seen it somewhere. Now theres a new ani tapuach sticker. The guy running for mayor of Kfar Tapuach (a settlement in the shomron area)contacted my friend who started the tapuach campaign a few weeks ago, and they came up with this sticker to use on his election campaign.

Its a little different but the idea remains the same. I'm an apple you're an apple we're all apples.!אני תפוח

Monday, November 19, 2007

Death of Forks

G-d created humans to use all their five senses to enjoy food. When you see the food you are eating (and it looks appetizing) you enjoy your food more. Which is why a salad is not brown slop, its got all sorts of pretty colors. When you taste it, its obvious that you enjoy it more, (show me a man who eats without using his tongue, and I'll show you a man who tried licking his lawnmower blade to clean it)Smelling food is also a big part of enjoying food, when you have a cold you will notice that you taste less. Hearing is also part of the enjoyment (the thought process of the manufacturers of Cap'n Crunch was probably something along these lines) Feeling is also important when it comes to eating. You will notice that food tastes so much better when its eaten using your fingers instead of cutlery. It adds the fifth dimension to your food and allows you to completely enjoy it, using all of your senses, and experiencing food the way Nature intended.

This is why I'm starting a movement to abolish all cutlery. Its high time people stopped using knives and forks at meals. The only reason I can think of to use a fork is because its not polite not to. However, being polite means having others at the table's sensitivities in mind, which after my movement sweeps the nation won't be a problem at all. Simply due to the fact that it will be socially acceptable. All I need is one person to start the trend, and when people realize what they're missing out they'll all jump on the bandwagon.(even the 400 pound guy who lives behind the supermarket. The bandwagon may break, but I'm sure its insured) I'm willing to be the first brave one who tries this out. I'm gonna have to make a shabbos meal without any cutlery, just a finger bowl by each setting,(maybe a two finger bowls, one soapy, for the really greasy food) and a few cloth napkins. Soup will be served in a big mug. People think that people in the olden days were barbaric or uncouth, but in reality they had the right idea about eating food. They could've invented silverware, but just didn't because it would be pointless.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007


Sports are fun, and I love creating new ones. A while back a created a game I call Cockroach Crunch. To play all you need is a pair of night vision goggles and a dark room, late at night when the roaches roam free. Players take turns wearing the goggles and stomping barefoot on the roaches. Person with the most dead roaches wins.
Recently I created another game I call Croc Hockey. All you need is hockey sticks, a big indoor gym and two hockey teams wearing crocs. Flood the room with lotsa water, and play hockey. Its extremely dangerous due to the fact that its a lot harder to skate in crocs on a wet floor then on skates. Your feet will have much difficulty going in the same direction, and you will probably end up snapping an ankle or two. (which is half the fun) Its not a very high scoring game, but its definitely worth every second you can spare,learning how to croc skate.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007


Halloween doesn't really happen in Israel. At least I've never noticed it happening. It could very well be in a little alley somewhere, a few little kids are busy TP'ing the garbage cans, and bumming candy off the homeless guys. I just never noticed it happening. The past few years that I was in the US I dressed up and went trick-or-treating on Halloween. It was unbelievable how much candy I made. I'm still debating going around Israel. I'm sure they know what trick-or-treat means, and if they don't I'm sure a bottle of shaving cream and a lit paper bag of dog poop would jog their memory a bit. I'll probably end up with a bag full of bamba and bissli though.

In other related news I have decided we are not a technologically advanced people after all. We just pretend to be. The proof is in our cars. The fact that there is that hump in the backseat, and nobody can figure out how to get rid of it, means that we have a long way to go in automobile development. Forget hybrid, and vegetable oil. First figure out a way to have the person in the middle get his feet off the dashboard. If you don't know what I'm referring to, try feeding your toes to a venus fly-trap, in the name of science. That will clear things up a bit. Now back to you in the studio...

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Cleaning and Carlebach

Its been a while since theres been anything resembling the usual state of mess around my apartment. Over sukkos we were graced with quite a few crashers who needed a place to sleep, along with their luggage (for the few that actually came along with luggage.) As a result we havent seen the floor in any room in over a month. For no apparent reason, my roommate had his motorcycle parked in the middle of my bedroom. Which besides for being a great conversation piece, also added much to our interior design, and the headlights were awfully useful whenever we had a black out, while the rear view mirrors were perfect for shaving. Its also a better place to chuck clothes onto, it beats the floor only cuz its neater when its hanging on a motorcycle then piled up a couple of feet high on the floor directly, and cuz motorcycles don't try eating things you hang on it. All of our couches were full, and we had quite a crowd over the last buncha weeks. Now its starting to dwindle down, homeless guys have been finding places to live, lost guys have been finding themselves, and we are cleaning, well not actually cleaning, (the mess makes it more fun, and easier) but cleaning our basement. Our basement is a dark dusty place, used as storage by someone nobody knows for trash. We are cleaning it out to use as a combination; bar, jam session room, place to chill and if necessary a place for some homeless to crash. Its a lot of work but if we finish, I get to be bartender.

Last night, in honor of R' Shlomo Carlebach's yartzeit, we had a kumzitz in the old city. At first it was just me and two other friends with guitars and one on the bongos, but then we were joined by a fourth guitarist we met on a rooftop. Then we moved the party to below ground level, and ended up having quite a large crowd. We were joined by lotsa singers, and tons of people stopped to listen. Everybody was clapping along and enjoying the music.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007


I've been really busy lately so I haven't updated my blog in quite some time. If you were clicking refresh holding your breath the last couple of weeks, would you like a burial or cremation? If you were miraculously revived by the expert hospital staff, send them a gift or something nice to show your appreciation. The truth is I'm not so sure what exactly I was doing since the last time I posted, cuz it was tons of stuff. Some of the things I was busy with (in no special order or significance) consisted of but not limited to: Brewing new beer, learning how to yodel, playing lotsa guitar, brokering drug deals, going to simchas,enjoying opera, being a spiritual advisor, learning torah, partying, spreading joy and happiness, writing a sefer, and a book, and a screenplay, traveling, watching tv, meeting old friends (old as in from years ago that disappeared off the face of the planet not old as in 'oyy vey my arthritis') keeping world peace, (in my pocket and jingling it around every once in a while to listen to it scream) I didn't actually sleep much the whole time. I wanted to experiment to see how long I could go without sleep, especially since sleep wastes so much time and theres never enough time to do everything. So I ended up going a few days at a time without sleep, then sleeping for about four hours, then repeating for a total of about eight hours a week. It was fun, and I managed to save lotsa time to do things that I dont even remember what it consisted of.

Sunday, October 7, 2007

Quick Update

Its official now. I missed my flight. Originally I was planning on getting to the airport and trying to sneak on to a flight going somewhere else then home, like
Australia, but that didnt work out either. (stupid security people ruin everything) So I ended up missing my flight. Now I'm in Israel without a return ticket.

Sunday, September 30, 2007


Sukkos I'm in yerushalayim. Its really nice, and lots of fun. Heres some pre-sukkos pics.

My sukka isnt pictured here, but its real cute. I started building it about ten minutes before shkia (last minute is best)erev Yom tov and barely had enough time to shave shower and get ready before sundown. (Its really original looking)
Theres crazy parties ever where each day of sukkos. Coming back from a party last night I hitched a ride in the trunk of a teen Israeli guy's car. Teen Israeli drivers drive a lot faster and recklessier then their distant cousins Israeli drivers. Being in their trunks is lots more fun. I would recommend it to anyone. The music is much better in the trunk, and I didnt run out of air until only 5 minutes from my apartment. Then I got home, (after taking lotsa breaths of fresh air) and went right out and made some of my own parties. Sukkos is funner then playing ping pong on the back of an elephant while wearing a loin cloth and warpaint. (and theres not much funner then that, trust me)

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Yom Kippur

I spent Yom kippur down south (as in further then beer sheva). In the desert. I felt that regular fasting wasnt a challenge anymore, so why not fast in the desert where its much hotter, and easier to dehydrate? I had a very nice and spiritual yom kippur. I davened in a hesder yeshiva, and theres just nothing that can compare to a yom kippur davening with a couple of hundred soldiers. Heres a pic of the view. Open desolate desert all around.

Last week I did help my cousin bottle his latest batch of beer. It was fun and awesome, at least as fun and awesome as stepping the daylight out of the grapes. And judging by the taste testing, a real excellent beer.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007


Last night I was up all night making wine. Or more precisely, picking grapes. The actual stamping on the grapes part only took a few minutes but the wine won't be ready for quite some time. Its gotta ferment first. My cousin, who's an experienced and unbelievable wine maker needed help turning his latest grape shipment into something a little squashier. I personally crushed a hundred pounds of grapes with my bare feet. (beat that. Unfortunately, I did not end up with the purple stained feet I'd hoped for. But what can you do, you cant always have everything) Heres a pic, looking into a barrel a grapes. (as opposed to looking out of the barrel of grapes. Thats not as much fun, and you can end up picking sediment out of your ears for days. And thats assuming you were actually rescued. Some people arent so lucky and are left to ferment.)

I'm hoping my cousin needs my help to bottle his latest batch of beer also. Cuz it should be almost as fun as tap dancing on top of little defenseless grapes, but with less grape skins between my toes. At least I think so. I dont think anyone would actually sneak into my crocs while I'm bottling beer and pout lots of grape skins between my toes. That would be silly.

Sunday, September 16, 2007


Rosh hashana was very nice. I was home in yerushalayim for all 3 days. Ate meals at family and friends, each meal at a different one. Didnt camp out but thoroughly enjoyed it nonetheless. Yom kippur, I intend to be in the desert. Today I finally fixed my dsl which was broken for the last 5 days. I spent all day fixing it.
I decided to change my plans and instead of returning to America in middle of sukos, I'm gonna be staying here till pesach! (this is like one of the only times I actually used an exclamation point in my blog, so please read it as if its exciting news, thanks for your cooperation)

Sunday, September 9, 2007


Tomatoes have nicotine. At least thats what wiki says. It also mentions eggplant, green pepper, and potatoes as vegetables with nicotine. There is absolutely no reason why I mention this.
Shabbos I was by yet more relatives I was never at yet, had an awesome time. It looks like I'm not gonna end up making it to Uman for Rosh hashana. If I would've found a ferry to Turkey, right now I'd be somewhere along the way to Russia. Either way I'm gonna enjoy my Yom tov. Even if I'm not camping out for it.

Monday, September 3, 2007

Untitled (or is it?)

Shabbos was amazing. I ended up going to Tzfat. Slept on the floor in chabad. Ate meals by random people around Tzfat. We had an awesome time. Its real nice up there. I hadnt really spent time in tzfat before, since every time before that I was there, I was just hitching through and only stopped for a short while. (I didnt take a camera with me, so I'm gonna have to muster up a brain cell or two, and use it to for memory. It was all beautiful)
I'm starting a little Parkour team. Lots of guys seem real interested in learning parkour. So the other night, I took a few guys who requested, on a run. Showed them the basic vaults, rolls,and climbing techniques. They all enjoyed it, and for the most part we stayed within a story to the ground.
(I am not writing about last nights escapade, because I dont want any of us to get in trouble. But it involved some guys sneaking around at about 4 in the morning with knives, paint and tear gas. Sorry but thats all I can say. No, wait. I can also say it did not involve waffles, petunias, or boa constrictors. Definitely none at all. Thats it. )

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Sneezing on key

Do you know what note you sneeze on?
To find, out all you need is a standard guitar tuner. First, in order to actually sneeze, take some ground black pepper, arrange it into neat lines, and snort it. This will not make you sneeze yet, but it will tickle your nose which is tons of fun. Then stand in the sun with your eyes closed facing the sun and holding the tuner. Your head should be tilted back, and dont forget to relax your nasal passages. You will feel a sneeze building, and just let it come. Try not to sneeze on the actual tuner, but in case you do have a tissue handy to wipe it off. After you sneeze, quickly look at the little screen and you'll know what note you sneeze on. I sneeze on a D. For years I was wondering what note I sneeze on, and its wonderful to finally know. I had asked a really musical friend of mine to identify the note and he had told me a high C. He was really close.
This shabbos I may or may not go to tzfat. I probably wont know until I'm there, but even then, if I end up there in a trunk, bound and gagged and unconscious I wont know either. It all depends.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Virus & Bullets

The name of my new hit movie thats gonna be released this holiday season. Its an action packed thriller, that actually uses actors instead of the total jokes hollywood tries to sell. Ok I'm kidding. I'm talking about my day so far. My computer got infected by lots of really mean viruses and scary things that popped up at me and threw three syllable words my way, while opening up random internet windows that never closed . (sorta like fred and georges swamp) It was all my fault, cuz I never read what pops up on my screen, I just click ok, cuz its in the way of whatever is behind it, that I'm in middle of working on. So when something popped up, informing me that it was malicious spyware and yada yada yada, I just clicked ok, open and get out of my face I'm in middle of something. So as a result, I spent all day trying to get rid of it. My firewall (whatever that is) I turned off years ago, cuz it kept popping up in middle of no where informing me that everything was running smoothly, which I can see for myself thank you very much. After a while a friend of mine who actually knows a little about computers (as in more then what I know. I know how to turn it on, shut it off, and if you drop a computer onto a sleeping roommates head, it will hurt a lot, depending on if its a desktop or laptop and from how high you drop it. Thats it.)happened to pop by. He immediately started installing all sorts of nifty programs with names like 'spy attacker', 'search and destroy', and 'I've got that bugger in my crosshairs, dont breath'. They didnt do much except fill up my whole desktop with lots of cool icons, so now it looks much more colorful. While they were scanning, we kept ourselves entertained by taking some m-16 bullets and exploding them in our yard. We of course did it the safe way, which involves lighting a fire, chucking them in, and taking cover, cuz you dont know which way they go. Its even more fun then being shot at by someone who is aiming at you, cuz its totally random. Eventually, all those little robots inside the computer finished scanning everything, and they neutralized the problem. It was sad. You could almost hear the little virus crying "what did I do to you? Why me?" Poor thing, oh well at least I've got my computer back.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Nothing About Donuts

On Sunday my great uncle died. I dont think I ever met him. My cousin and brother visited him in the hospital recently, but I was sleeping.(stupid excuse I know, but thats what happened.) We all went to the funeral. I've been to more funerals then I can count back in America, but this was my first Israeli one. Its a lot cooler, cuz the body isn't hidden in a box but covered with a talis and you can actually see the form lying there. We all helped shovel on dirt. I didn't take any pictures during the funeral, but I really wanted to. I didn't want to get all my relatives nervous. Its not fun when you're burying a loved one and theres someone snapping pics a whole time. I think my whole camera habit is slightly out of hand. Theres no reason to feel the need to snap pics, I should be able to remember things without having to refer to pictures.
Today I took pics of the bear world peace exhibit.

Its got a bear painted with themes from each country to promote peace. (Dont ask me howit promotes peace, cuz I have no idea. Its probably something to do with bears being friendly warm and cuddly creatures, who dont have big claws and sharp teeth.)

This is the United states bear.

The one with the kids in front is the Israel bear.

I love the Moldova bear. Its only claim to fame is that nobody has heard of Moldova.

Today we also raced some childs plastic see-saw down some hills. Lots of fun, and nobody got too badly hurt. Then we installed it in our yard as a lawn ornament. (and for the occasional see-sawing.)
Tonight is a close friends wedding, and I'm late and not even caring.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

The regular

Today I was sitting in my apartment, just minding my own business. (trying to locate a broker for one armed pirate shirts. If you must know) When I hear a knock at the door. This knock on the door was strange for two reasons. Number one, nobody ever knocks on my door. Ever. They just barge in and plop on the couch, or raid the fridge or something. Number two, it wasn't the polite knock of a person wanting to come in, it was the impatient knock-knock-knock that police officers use when breaking into your house at two in the morning. Its the knock that combines urgency and command to sort of say, "open up this door within thirty seconds, or we're bashing the door down with either a bazooka, or the king size cop who eats donuts for a living." (depending on how much noise they want to make) Anyway I open the door and I see an M-16. Behind it are two rather large police officers. They don't look very happy and are holding some warrant papers. They start interrogating me as to the whereabouts of someone I dont know. Through the conversation they discover that I really don't know who they want, and (finally) I'm actually innocent of any crime (ha, who would've thought)It was only after they left did I realize they were looking for my neighbor. I hadnt realized who they wanted cuz I never knew he had a last name. My neighbor is a real great guy. He's a little psycho, but he loves to party with us.He's gotta be at least 50 but he's always got something crazy going on. The last few days he wasnt being so friendly and his face was bandaged up. The question is what he did, and if I should go look for him to tell him the cops are after him.

Saturday, August 18, 2007


You know how firemen have their fire poles in the fire station? When the big bell rings they all jump off their couches upstairs, stop the card game in middle, and slide down the shiny pole, straight into the fire trucks. What I find interesting, is that they do this to save time, yet no one has even considered how much faster it would be if instead of jumping off the couches and sliding down the pole, they would just have the couches downstairs already. The bell rings and they stand up and go into the truck. No more sliding down poles. It does have a nice effect, but its just pointless and time consuming. In a fire every second counts. Thats why the trucks have loud horns and sirens.
Speaking of fires, the other night we decided to recreate Moses and the burning bush. We selected a cute little green bush in my backyard, covered it with paper and cardboard and lit it. The fire died out after a short while and the bush wasn't burned too badly. Then my brother decided the fire was too wimpy, and took two large mattresses stuck em onto the bush, and lit it.(we'll worry about what to sleep on later) The fire was much bigger, hotter, and lasted much longer. When it finally died down, the bush was completely demolished, and the only thing that remained of the mattresses was the springs.

On the bottom of the page, yahoo has a list of all the popular searches of the day. I figure that if I search for my blog a few thousand times today, I'll be on yahoo. So I'm trying it. If you see my blog on yahoo you'll know it works.

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Two week update

I'm back, after a three hundred mile, two week hike and feeling great. Shvil Yisrael is a huge trail that starts at the northern tip of Israel and connects most hiking trails all the way to the southern tip. (of course not even close to being in a straight line) We started in Tel dan nature reserve in Kibbutz Dan, about two kilometers from the Lebanese border. We didnt realize it at first but the first week of our hike was during a record breaking heat wave. We did realize that we were drinking sometimes more then twenty liters of water a day. (Camelbaks make that a lot easier) Some people died on our trail. (nobody from our group though) I had been planning this hike with two friends for a while. Both of them, lets call them Thing one and Thing two (just cuz it sounds funny) are in excellent shape, and I'm in
pretty decent shape too. The problem was the other four guys were about average, and they really got tired and weary during the heat. One guy left half way through the first day and one guy left the second day. The rest hung on for three days, but that was it. Then it was just me, thing one and two, walking, climbing, and having an awesome time.
Our schedule consisted of waking up at five or six in the morning, packing away our sleeping bags, davening shachris, eating breakfast, filling up water, and then hitting the road (at about eight or earlier if we could) until it got dark. We took a break for lunch sometime in the middle of the afternoon. As soon as it got dark we'd set up camp, daven maariv, eat, and hit the sack. Totally out cold until the morning. We'd try to set up camp in a place that had a faucet or a hose. Then we'd have a water supply for drinking, washing our clothes, and showering. Our food consisted of a minimum of a thousand calories a meal. It was whole wheat bread and whatever dairy product we managed to buy at that civilizations grocery, (usually cottage cheese) for breakfast. Bread and peanut butter for lunch, and bread and tuna for supper. We supplemented our diet with occasional snacks of granola and halva and other high energy foods. We didnt carry much food around, cuz our packs were heavy enough. Mine weighed close to fifty pounds. About twenty five of it was just water. (and often I'd have to refill more then once a day)The back pack was a big frame pack with a metal frame. I didnt take any clothes other then what I was wearing, and I tried to cut down as much weight as possible. Heres the basic day by day.
Tuesday the 24th:
Tisha b'av. Fasted all day. Walked around in the heat a little, trying to get some last minute supplies. Most local stores closed. Then at night took a bus to kiryat shmoneh. Found a park with grass, went to sleep.

Wednesday the 25th:
Went to Tel Dan to start on hike. Heres a random pic at the reserve.

Then we started. After a little while Thing one and Two were way ahead, with me keeping up, while most guys fell behind. Heres a pic of a herd of cows blocking part of the trail.

We had to keep an eye out for the shvil yisrael marker. In this pic, the marker tells you to squeeze between that rock and that tree, wade through the stream and continue along to the bank.

We went on for a buncha hours, and the heat was intense. As it got mid afternoon it was something like one hundred and ten degrees in the shade, and yet we pressed on. Eventually the heat got the better of us, one guy left right then and there, and the rest of us passed out in the shade next to a little stream. It was really rough. (we decided from then that we should take a break during the real hot afternoon hours) Then it got a little cooler and we woke up and continued. It was definitely one of the hardest days of the hike. We covered a lot, but as it started getting darker we realized we didnt have a place to fill up on water, and none of us had more then a liter left. (we had already filled up at a cemetery, but the heat combined with the heavy backpack and steep climbing made us sweat more then we were drinking) Finally when it was too dark in the woods to continue, we just unrolled our sleeping bags in the dirt on the side of the trail, to exhausted to set up tent or do anything else.

Thursday the 26th:
We didn't have much water, so when we started off in the morning we knew we'd all dehydrate if we didn't find water before it got real hot. We walked for a bit, met some old farmer who had a field off the trail, he told us if we turned off the trail a bit we'd find an army base. We got to army base, and filled up. Then we continued on.

We passed yiftach, and after a long trek through some real nice mountains and canyons, we got to an outdoor faucet, were we washed up and washed our very sweaty clothes. Then the second guy left. We met some frum Israeli guys doing the exact same hike we were. Heres a part of the trail thats not in the woods.
Got to alma at night. Found some soft grass, and went to sleep.

Friday the 27th:
We wanted to make it to meron before shabbos, but were pretty far away, so we got off the trail, went on to the road and made it there for shabbos. We only walked half a day. Got to meron, had a hot shower in the mikva there.

Shabbos the 28th:
Typical shabbos in meron. Crowded, lots of people camped out. Had a great time. Cops searced us for drugs at least twice. Singing bar yochai and dancing in a circle is never boring, no matter how many times you've done it. We set up a tent, but it was to hot inside, so most of us just slept outdoors. Theres a big hachnosas orchim tent, that supplies everyone with shabbos meals so we had plenty to eat. After shabbos everyone from our group left except for thing one and thing two.

Sunday the 29th:
We did the nachal amud section of the hike. Its real nice mountains and stuff, but some parts can be a little difficult. We did it on sunday, but on friday just a few days before a kid died doing that very hike.

What made it difficult was the lots of climbing, the long distance, and the lack of water until the end. We met a young couple doing the hike. He was carrying all her water though. While we were talking to him, some Israeli kids who were pretty inexperienced stumbled by, they had run out of water, we all donated some, and the guy yelled at them a bit, for being careless and putting their lives at risk. We went on for quite some time, when we a see a ranger running on the trail holding a back pack full of water. When I asked him if he had any extra, he stopped running and started pulling out some water. I told him not for me, but there were some kids back there who really needed. He said he knew and thats why he was running. After going a half hour further we saw a bunch of medics also hurrying up the trail looking for those kids. When he came to a clearing that was accessible to the road, we saw an ambulance and a Magen david adom van. There were also a bunch of jeeps, all part of an emergency rescue team. They had tons of water, and they wanted to make sure we were ok. I was real tired, and sat down in the shade of the truck. Immediately a guy came over and felt my pulse, then he decided I had to drink lots more water, and I may even need an Iv. When the medic checked me out he decided I was ok, but he made sure I drank three liters and had some salt. He also told me not to do anymore walking that day. We had another seven kilometers (about 4 and a half miles) of overgrown canyon to do, so when he wasnt looking, we ran off.

Then we met those frum israeli guys, their group was down to two, ours to three. We all went to chokek to spend the night. Normally its a chiloni settlement, but that week it happened to be rented out by frum people. Our Israeli friends got us food from the hotels kitchen staff, and a nice young family let us all use their shower. We even adopted a dog which we named Concrete. He followed us around and guarded our tent while we slept.

Monday the 30th:
We left the settlement, and started heading back to the trail.We took Concrete with us. He brought along a friend we named Mixmaster Mush.

Heres Concrete enjoying our tent.

Mixmaster's owner removed him after a couple of minutes though.
Concrete was tons of fun on the hike, he walked with us all the way to tiverya. When we went to the kever of R' Meir bal haness, the manager kicked him out, and we lost him. We spent our afternoon break swimming in the kinneret, just relaxing.

That night we went to moshav kinneret and slept in the park.

Tuesday the 31st:
We tried cutting through a farm, it took a lot longer then it should have. There was miles of choppy earth and all sorts of weird plants. We made it to Har Tabor. It was a long climb up. Halfway to the top pic.

We spent the night on the mountain, overlooking an Arab city. It was cool, windy and peaceful up there. Had a great sleep. Heres a pic of where we slept. (Thats Thing 1, who was a little slow in the waking up process)

Wednesday the 1st:
Went down the mountain to Dabbourye, an arab city. We met a friendly family that let us fill up water in their hose. Walked through dabbourye, continued on the trail. Most of that day was mountains, and more mountains.

We ended getting to Alon hagalil, which is a kibbutz that wasnt so far off the trail. (some times to get to civilization we had to walk a while off the trail, only to have to walk back the next morning) Theres a guy on the outskirts who set up a little area for shvil people. We had good grass, an outdoor shower (cold, but we really didnt notice) and bathroom.

Thursday the 2nd:
We wanted to get somewhere where there were frum jews for shabbos. We put on our cellphones to try calling someone who knew the area, when we all got voice messages from Thing 1's friends. His mom had been calling all of the them, going nuts. She heard a kid died on the trail, and for a few days she tried calling and his phone was off, and she was flipping out. (mothers. what can you do. I think its a psychological problem) He called her back, and she made him quit, right then and there. (something about not being able to sleep, and worrying. wtvr)So now its just me and Thing 2 left.We sent the tent back with Thing 1, cuz we never really used it much anyway. We decided to make it somewhere with kosher food for shabbos, we'd have to go fast. So we got on the road and walked fast. We didn't take any real break. (A couple of minutes to eat and daaven) We made it to Zichron yaakov thursday night. Its something like thirty, forty miles. Extremely tired, we got ourselves invited to the gabbai of one of the shuls house. There we had hot showers, a real bed, and good food. Mrs Gabbai even washed our stinky clothes for us. They offered us an invite for shabbos too, but we didn't want to waste a whole friday.

Friday the 3rd:
Walked to Chadera, didn't take that long. I went to a flower shop and found a random lubavitch guy buying flowers. Where else can you find a frum person on a friday afternoon? (next stop would've been the wine store)I told him we needed a place for shabbos and he invited us to his house.

Shabbos the 4th:
Had a very relaxing shabbos. He didnt have mattresses in such short notice, but we didnt mind the floor much. His wife made great food, and he learned inspiring torah with us.

Sunday the 5th:
This was the beaches section of the hike. We walked from chadera until we got to the beach. Then we walked down the coast, through every beach. We stopped briefly in Netanya for lunch. Heres some random beach pics.

We stopped for the night at a herzilya beach. Went to sleep on the grass at a hotel.

Monday the 6th:
Got woken up at a quarter to four by the sprinklers. Soaked, we couldnt fall back asleep, and continued on our way as soon as we ate breakfast and davened. We went real far, many hours, and stopped at a shopping center right past modi'in. Went to sleep in a parking lot of a store.

Tuesday the 7th:
Walked to yerushalayim. On the way there in the morning,when we got to the machsom of the highway that takes you to yerushalayim, the soldiers warned us that we'd be walking past all the dangerous arab settlements. (like ramallah) We didnt get killed, but we did hear gunshots most of the way along the highway. Then after six more hours we made it to Yerushalayim. I then walked the hour and a bit to my apartment. I refused to walk for two weeks and then take a bus, that would be like cutting off your hand just cuz it called you a silly name. Heres a pic of the final machsom into yerushalayim

Here are some random ani tapuach pics אני תפוח from the hike.

I've got lots more pics of the hike but it takes too long to upload, so just imagine I put em on.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

The Hike

I'm leaving in about five hours, as soon as tisha b'av is over. We're gonna take a bus up north, then start first thing tomorrow morning. We hope to make it to meron by the first shabbos. The whole hike probably isnt more then three hundred miles, since the plan right now is just to get to yerushalayim.(yeah, its sort of a compromise) Yesterday, I went for a walk with ten liters of water on my back, just to see how much it weighs (about 25 pounds) and met a secret service guy who did shvil yisrael before. He gave us all sorts of helpful pointers. Some of it we knew, like how much water we need to carry a day, or to bring along first aid and snakebite kits. Some of it we didnt know, like how it takes a lot longer then we think to do the trail. I hope it doesnt take too long, I have a relatives bar mitzva that I'd like to be at in two weeks on August ninth. We may just stop off on the way at the bar mitzva. I'm sure nobody would mind if a buncha sweaty guys who just walked two weeks,havent eaten, drunk,showered or slept much, pop in for a visit.
I'm gonna try to get to a computer and update sometime in middle of the hike. If I don't and you happen to be checking for an update and you see there isn't yet, instead of your time going to waste you can just click on my ad on the side, at least once. Thanks.
If I do die on this hike, the one thing that I have to say is that I suspect that the secret ingredient in Dougies buffalo wings is pineapple. There, let that be known. I didnt die with my suspicions unsaid.

Monday, July 23, 2007


After all these years I've finished the Harry Potter series. I will not ruin it for those of you who didn't read it cuz I know I wouldnt appreciate if someone ruined the ending for me. (I will say it was an awesome book, and the ending she chose was an ending that I had thought of as a possibility, after studying the 6th book a couple of times, and thinking how she would want to end it.) I had to download a copy of the book, cuz my book is under the control of my little brother who is reading it now in America, and till it gets to Israel would be way to long to wait.
Clap clap clap. J.k Rowling if you're reading this (I know you are, theres no way you dont read this blog. Everybody does. I hear the president of the U.S has it as him homepage) I'd like to congratulate you on a job well done.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Quality or Quantity

Thats the big debate right now. Even bigger then the snape good/bad dabate, is the debate of quality or quantity. The quality guys say we should take the hike slow, enjoy the scenery, take pics, have fun. Regardless if we don't finish the whole country. The quantity guys say we should finish the whole country, and mega fooey to those who wanna take it slow. I'm not sure yet which one I would rather. Right now we have ten or eleven guys who are coming along. Most of them are planning on just coming along for the first week. If the quality people win the debate we may just end up doing until Jerusalem. Thats only half the country. The truth is whatever we do I'm cool with, cuz its fun whatever it is.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Shvil Yisrael

Today I did some shopping. We still have lots to prepare before we set off on our hike. We still haven't bought maps, or other important stuff. Shvil yisrael is a hike that goes from the northernmost tip of Israel, to the southernmost. Its about 600 miles long, and its supposed to take more then a month. We intend to complete it in a little more then two weeks. The plan is to walk the entire day, and try to cover at least thirty miles a day. Its gonna be fun. Its probably gonna be hard too. Especially in the desert. The entire second half of Israel, all the way to Eilat is desert, and theres only four places to refill water throughout the whole desert.
We were gonna leave a while back, but not all my friends who were coming were able to fit it into their schedule. Therefore we're gonna leave right after Tisha Be'av. Hopefully there won't be any wars this summer. Otherwise we would have to sneak around soldiers and barricades to get around. (not to mention rockets and bombs, cuz then people get nervous). Since I'm gonna be carrying a minimum of ten liters of water a day, I'm not gonna have room for much else. So I'm gonna have to be selective in what I pack. A camera is probably important, as is a tent and sleeping bag.Lets see, Food Ok..... Uh.. Toilet paper.. What else? Maybe a bar of soap. Its pretty useful, for brushing teeth and cleaning everything. Theres got to be more, I'm sure I'm forgetting something. I'll have lots of time to get ready, we're not leaving for another nine days. Till then theres plenty to do.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Children Of Destiny

This is Pierre Jr The Termite Hunter And Killer. He's one of the children of the late Pierre. His job is to complete the job his father started, and if he dies doing it, his childrens job, and if they die before they complete the glorious task, their childrens job. (I believe you get the idea by now, so I'm not writing out the next century of Pierre Dynasty now.) The termites are increasing in number and before each shower we have to crunch a bunch off the wall (dont worry I wash my hand after) just to make room to hang a towel.Hopefully his descendants are up to the task and can fill the big web that their father left. Hopefully the termites wont try a coup again. Last night the spider family was disturbed by a giant roach in the bathroom. I wanted to crunch a cockroach with my hand, just to see if I could. I could. Just in case you were wondering. If you werent wondering, you now know some trivia that may help you win a free trip to Alaska, or a new washing machine, on a game show. You know that it is possible, and that its been done. For more interesting trivia that may help you one day, you should be aware that the emperor penguin can live up to 50 years, which is like 3 or 4 times as much as a regular penguin, and weighs between 80-90 pounds.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Revenge Of the Termites

Alas, after a brief but pleasant stay in my bathroom Pierre has died. Although he only lived with us for a couple of weeks, he touched every single one of our hearts. He was a great spider, a noble spider, who didn't only care about himself. He gave us all something to do while in the bathroom, and for that we are eternally grateful. Oh, I already miss him, the way he used to climb around on his web looking innocent, until an insect would happen to bump into it, and then he'd swoop down and suck its innards. The way he would spend hours, motionless, as if to say "what next? For what purpose am I alive? Who will remember me when i die?" Well we all will, Pierre. You left us all with a legacy (and a bunch of your adorable little children)and a web full of decaying termites. May you rest in peace in your watery grave, and bless your children to follow in the termite chomping footsteps of their father. Amen.

Sunday, July 8, 2007


This is Pierre The French Cardiovascular Spider. Call him Pierre for short. He lives in my bathroom. He eats the termites and ants that used to live in my bathroom. (We were gonna name him pierre the french carnivorous spider, but we decided that cardiovascular has more syllables and sounded a lot more official of a title) The ants and termites were very entertaining to watch, scurrying around on the floor and walls, doing nothing other then scurrying. Now that Pierre has moved in we get to watch him trap them in his web and jump out on them and eat them. We hope Pierre has lots of babies cuz the termites have much more in number and we don't want them to gang up on poor little pierre.
This shabbos I stayed at a hospital. They needed volunteers so I went and had a great time. (even though I became the official wheelchair carrier up and down steps for some reason)It was awesome running up and down the hallway announcing "code blue code blue Dr doodle to emergency room dr doodle to the emergency room".

Thursday, July 5, 2007


Theres all sorts of cleaning products that we use for all different things. Since they all have the same purpose- to clean things, it makes sense to assume that all the different products are interchangeable.(Makes sense means to me. If you feel otherwise feel free to send a RPG toward my front door. Its the red one. Says bruchim habaim on it.Might have some scorch marks from the last RPG) I just tested this with a bar of soap. First I used it as shampoo and it worked pretty well. Then I tried it as toothpaste. It frothed up nicely and didnt taste that bad. (surprise surprise, although it could be the flavors of bars of soap I was using were better then others.) My mouth felt clean and soap scented. Once you get over the fact that its not minty its pretty cool. Then I tried it on clothes and it cleaned my clothes just as good as detergent. For a floor cleaner a bar of soap works also. Basically its all a conspiracy to get you to buy a whole shopping list of different products that you don't really need. (ok maybe toothpaste. I do like the minty taste better.)

Saturday, June 30, 2007

I'm Tagged

Not a meme, or a game of duck duck goose, but an eight fact about yourself game. Although theres way to much to say and I can't pinpoint 8 facts or habits, I'm gonna just pick stuff and if you don't like it then you can read my wiki pages for more info. (whenever someone decides to write one. Probably when I become rich and famous, or bump off someone rich and famous)I'm honored to be tagged by jewmaican.I'm gonna try to pick stuff that isn't so well known. First heres the rules.
1) Each player lists 8 facts/habits about themselves.
2) The rules of the game are posted at the beginning before those facts/habits are listed.
3) At the end of the post, the player then tags 8 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog.
Ok heres eight facts/habits.
1)First of all (this is like really important so pay attention) despite what the rest of the world thinks, I disagree and think that Family guy is not random at all. It actually makes tons of sense and still manages to be funny.
2)I was born in Mount Sinai hospital (in NYC)on July 3rd 1985.
2)I enjoy sitting around doing nothing just as much as I enjoy bouncing around doing everything. (Everything is fun,doing Nothing and doing Something!)
2)I have a hard time with simple math(anything more complex then 1+1 and my brain starts the self destruct countdown), and I praise the holy lord every day for the invention of calculators on cellphones.
2)I recently discovered that a long lost relative of mine is a slightly psycho cult leader, who talks to the dead and does all sorts of freaky rituals. This doesnt surprise me in the slightest, cuz most of my relatives are cracked.
2)Although I consider any fear or phobia a sign of weakness, I used to have a minor fear of heights. (After confronting it and shooting it in the head with a high caliber hand gun, I'm now way over it)
2)I've always wanted a cat but never ended up getting one.
2)My music taste ranges from death metal to classical and everything in between.
That should cover it.Any questions? Now I tag calvin, esser agaroth, frum house ,k-rebbe,life in israel, shorty, social worker, teddy douglas.

Thursday, June 28, 2007


Just got back, spent the last few days in eilat. It was time for a vacation and I took one. (having fun all the time can be tiring too) It was extremely hot and I enjoyed roasting in the 115-120 degree range weather. Here are some pics

I wanted to take pics of scuba diving, but my camera wasnt waterproof. Theres lots of cool stuff underwater. (like colorful fish, coral, and all that spiky and spongy stuff on the floor, and anchors from ships that didnt make it, and ships that didnt make it, so close yet just didnt make it, poor souls) So instead of posting a pic of me in a wetsuit and goggles I'm gonna post a pic of a friend of mine going down hard head first off his water skis. (Definitely the more humorous choice. Although I found a little nemo who was really cute and deserved to have his pic taken.)