Sunday, January 25, 2009

Memo to President

Dear President Obama,

I'm sure you're as big a fan of this blog as your predecessor President Bush was. During your campaign I heard all about change, change and change. So far you've been president for about a week now, and despite all the promises of change, absolutely NOTHING has been done about this extreme cold weather we are experiencing lately. I look forward to the change you promised. I warmly thank you.

P.S Now that Guantanamo Bay inmates are slated for release, it is only logical that Jonathan Pollard will be next. Thanks again.

Friday, January 9, 2009


Sixty seconds is one minute, sixty minutes is one hour, sixty hours is a...?
Why oh why is there no word for this important number? I have to make one up. What about a Goorit? How often have you wanted to say "Hey, I'll give you a call in a goorit" Or "You wouldn't believe, my plane was delayed for at least two goorits. We sat on the runway until I was arrested for assaulting the pilot. I spent another goorit and a half in jail. But at least not another minute or second in that death trap on the runway"
From now on, instead of saying "Your stuff will be ready in 2.39 days, or 60 hours", you can get off real easy with a "Be back in a goorit". Hows that for saving you time patience and sanity? You're welcome. Feel free to use it whenever you'd like. Its also convenient for people who like to use words that haven't made it to the dictionary until the upcoming year printing. Everyone will respect you at the dinner party when you pull that little gem out of your hat. (although from experience the more real gems you pull out of hats at dinner parties the more respect and seconds on dessert people shower you with) Really.