Tuesday, May 15, 2007

On clocks and stuff

Yesterday a friend of mine called to tell me he was engaged. He's very young (younger then me)and it was really shocking. Scary actually. It makes you realize that no one is safe. It can happen to anyone, regardless of age or race or color. Someone could be in perfect health one second, minding his own business and all of a sudden two weeks later he's having a vort. Our existence is a lot more fragile then we believe. Anyway, the vort was nice. (It had alcohol. Thats what counts)
On the subject of death,(people have some sort of problem discussing it in the first place, dismissing such talk as being too 'morbid')well, death is great. At least compared to the alternative- not dying. Imagine if you didn't die. Horrible, no? For example (to illustrate my point for those who need things drawn out for them. Get it? Illustrate- draw. A pun. ho ho ho. You'd think they outlawed those things years ago along with cocaine, but then comes along someone like me and just spits one out, with total wantonness, and bursts your little bubble about anti-pun laws. Oh well. Theres one in every crowd. What can you do? Now what was I saying? right, for example) take a clock. (no don't take a clock, put it right back were you got it. now straighten it. ok. a little more to the left. ok good.)On a clock is a second hand. It ticks along every second. Just goes and goes. Tick tock tick tock. (although it doesnt really make a tick tock noise, its more like ti tu, for the sake of this example we're gonna stick with it)The poor second hand has a hard life. He's (can be a she but in this particular clock its a he. I dont want any complaints from the equal clock hand rights society. Ok? )gotta always keep on moving every second, never getting bored of going round and round. ("aww man, is that a 12 again? I just saw one of those, last time around") But if you think his life is rough, check out the minute hand. His is even worse. He's gotta do the same rotations, but slower. So he spends more time thinking "3....3....3.....3....3" until eventually he gets to go "ok finally. 4.....4....4....." But that life can be worse. What about the hour hand. He gets stuck for hours on each number, and he's gotta make the same eternal rotations the rest of them do. Poor guys, right? Now consider the battery. He just sits in the back of the clock for a while. He's making the whole clock go. Granted he's gotta work hard, and keep his electricity running, but he has the satisfaction of making everything just keep on going. Day after day. Until he dies. Then he has completed his purpose, enabled the timepiece to be on time. (As a result of that, lots of people suceeded in not getting themselves fired, or pissing off their spouses.)He gets an honorable burial and goes off to spend his afterlife in his happy place. (wherever good dead batteries go. Wherever it is, its gonna have to be in a different landfill then the regular trash. Apparently lawmakers were worried about battery acid leaking onto regular garbage and hurting it a little) Meanwhile back at the clock, a different, younger,and fresher battery has replaced him and is putting all he can into the clock. Second, Minute and Hour are still making their rounds, grumbling to themselves, "Will this ever end?"

10 comments:

Shaina said...

That was a funny one. :)

But you didn't talk about digital clocks.

doodlehead said...

was i supposed to? digital clocks are wonderful creatures and everything, but i didnt use them 4 an example not because i have s/t against them, but for the same reason i didnt mention fire hydrants.

Anonymous said...

thats my theory in life id rather be the hour hand its a much easier life (yes napping) and accomplish the same work as the second hand

trix said...

I was laughing and the kid I was babysitting/ not letting on the computer to do his book report didn't get what was so funny.

I ended up letting him on to do his book report in case you were worried. I had to finish reading this from home.

doodlehead said...

anony- but in reality u (as a human) are a battery.
trix- ye kids these days.(u gotta spell e/t out 2 them) good thing u got 2 the end. otherwise you mite have known what the heck i was goin with the whole clock thing.

Reb Y. said...

there is some musser in this.... im not sure where

doodlehead said...

its deep man. good mussar is the deep kind. this way no one realizes theyre getting mussar and ur yotze ur chiyuv of tochacha. and u get 2 confuse ppl.

socialworker/frustrated mom said...

Very funny not sure where to even start...

lkwdgirl18 said...

I feel for the second hand, hes doin all the work and noone even pays attention to him

doodlehead said...

swfm- begining. thats where i always start.
lkwdgrl- everyone pays attention 2 him. how else do u kno how long ur holding ur breath, or how many seconds it takes u 2 say 'antdisestablishmenttarynism' with half a potato knish in ur mouth?