head of doodle

Doodleview

2011-12-02T15:36:00.003-05:00

I know. I must update more. Here is a real update, full of my opinion on lots of important and substantial issues that you can quote from me when I run for president. (Just a few short years left until I'm old enough) You may know them however its still fun to see it in writing. My opinion on:

Politics- Democracy introduced a novel idea to the world. Now, not only can you get screwed by politicians, you can actually CHOOSE which ones you want to do the screwing.

Religion- Theres just no way mere humans will ever figure out how to do things right. Without the aid of an authentic divine source, (such as the torah) man will continue to blunder about in the dark creating nonsensical ideas, laws and societies doomed to faults and failure.

Gays- How a poor substitute for the real thing ever got so much acceptance with people claiming not to have any mental deficiencies is beyond me.

Exercise- Treadmills and other exercise equipment are over priced clothing hangers. If you want exercise get outside into the real world and climb up cliffs for a month or two.

Blogs- Nowadays, every jerk thinks they can have an opinion, even if they don't.

Sports- Those that play, fail to impress me. (If you want to be a real athlete see 'exercise' above.) As for the fans, you guys get your butts off the couch and go do something for a change. Enough of this vicarious exercise.

Movie Stars- People who idolize people based on their being in a motion picture need to search for a more productive hobby. As for people who are in motion pictures; either either need to learn how to act or they also should search for a more productive hobby.

Music- I like it.

Luxury automobiles- Hey, I enjoy a fun drive as much as the next guy. I don't necessarily understand people who plunk down crazy sums for a vehicle, that although it drives quite fast they neither exceed 55 mph nor explore the handling capabilities. If they want their friends and enemies to know they have extra money to spare, whats stopping them from opening a charity fund or something?

Video games- See 'sports fans' above.

Clothing hangers- I'm actually quite impressed with that invention. So simple and yet so useful. Bravo. Keep up the good work.

I gotta run now, but if you desire to hear my opinion on more feel free to add anything.

Behold!

2011-10-23T15:04:00.002-05:00

Yes, an update. Just when you thought the blog was dead, rigor mortis set in, the will read and fought over already and the finishing touches of the plaque with little red lights done. Along comes a post, and zombie-like cracks open the coffin and crawls its way to the surface. Dirt and grass roots caked along the side and dirt filling its ears and other orifices. It straightens up and shakes off some spiders as it shuffles forward, arms straight ahead. Searching, seeking out a victim, from the land of the living.

Its been a long time since I blogged. Much has happened but alas much has been forgotten. I should attempt to fill in the blanks but that would be like a man on a desert island trying to write his memoirs with his pen and paper that he made sure to pack in his fanny pack. Noticing that his fanny pack rests comfortably at the bottom of the ocean with his pants and cans of tuna, he tries using coconuts to record his magnum opus for posterity. When that fails miserably he ends up with the old fashioned notches in the tree to record how many days and a crude "bob wuz here" scratched with his fingernail and -when that cracked -toenail. I'm in the same boat (pun, although corny, intended) as Bob because my memories that were unrecorded by this blog are lost in the same place where his fanny pack is. Instead of mourning the past or resorting to mere lines on the trunk of a tree I shall update today as if I have never missed a day:

Although it seems like I never have a second to breathe, I took it easy today. Went shopping around Jerusalem, caught up with some old friends. I have a flight to catch tomorrow night to Ukraine. Where I will end up I don't know. I may just miss the flight intentionally. Time will tell and planning is for other people. We shall see....

You are seriously out of the loop

2010-07-03T22:10:00.002-05:00

If you are not aware of my twitter accounts existence or are aware but not following me, my advice it to get on the bandwagon. Its a different style then this blog and I'm limited to 140 characters.(which can be a pretty good thing depending on how much you like hearing me talk and which side of the bathroom door you are on) Just text the words 'follow z302' to the short code 40404 or search on twitter.com for z302. If you'd prefer I also run a mental telepathy version of this blog which updates at least once a day. To join just telepathically send me an indication that you'd like to follow me and I'd gladly share.

An update?

2010-02-11T16:08:00.002-05:00

I have recently been informed by a small fowl fluttering by, that my fans would like my head. If that ornithological breakthrough was referring to my head atop my shoulders, I will now attempt to offer it for sale on e-bay. For sale: Head, used slightly, often as a paperweight, occasionally as hat rack, although most often just a safe place to store bits of string, glue and any random facts on things you probably don't want to know. This head does not include free shipping or detaching. Any bids are made with the knowledge that the buyer will have to remove head from body at his own risk and using his own tools.
If however this wanting of my head was metaphorically referring to the desire for my head detached from my body, without any need for my head itself, due to my lack of updating this blog and possibly my prank calls to random people at 3 in the morning, then I do apologize. Not for waking you up to inquire about the state of your kitchen appliances, nor because of this blog's terrible update rate. I apologize simply because I refuse to part with my head just for kicks. If someone was planning on bidding on it on ebay I might make an exception, but the alternative just will not fly. I'm rather attached to it in an anatomical way and besides I have just updated. If you are stuck with any string and glue and are having difficulty storing it anywhere, perhaps try a box. Or a bag. A flower pot can work and so can a thermonuclear power plant. Either way, when you locate a proper receptacle of your choice, ask yourself this one question: "Yeah but can it ALSO double as a hat rack and paperweight?" I think not.

I haven't learned chinese yet either

2009-10-12T13:14:00.002-05:00

Take a look at all these comments. I have no idea in what language they are written or what they mean. I am very curious. If you know what language it is, or what they mean, please let me know in a language I know. If you are the people or person writing the comments, Hi, how are you? Welcome to this blog. I write in English. Occasionally I throw in a little Hebrew or Yiddish. Once in a blue moon some French or Spanish, and I think I might have dropped an Aramaic word once. Either way, please feel free to respond in kind, the way I write. (making a minimal amount of sense, but in pretty understandable words. You don't have to try typing from a moving motorcycle like I do sometimes, as long as the end result is the same. Use a moving Elephant if thats the medium of choice in the country you originate from. Really, I'm not picky.) Thanks for listening, love doodle.

Not In Hawaii

2009-09-17T20:10:00.002-05:00

Nope I'm not in Hawaii. If I receive another accusation of such, I may just actually go just to avoid further accusations. I haven't updated in what seems like years. This wouldn't seem to bother me much except that today I was googling for some random necessary information (google totally rocks) and I encountered one of my old blog posts. I sat down and read a few months of my really old posts, completely surprised that I had almost no recollection of most of the events that transpired back then. I decided right on the spot that I must blog for I am forgetting precious bits of my life. Quite entertaining bits of my life.
However, as I finally attempt to do jot down some of my thoughts I notice that I do not seem to remember what has taken place over the last few months. (I still dont wear a watch and if someone tries to inform me what year we are in I always put my fingers in my ears and say "alalalalalalalalalalal" until they go away. I try not to waste precious space in my brain for things as trivial as the time or date.) I do remember some things that has happened. For example, I do know that after two trials my sentence consists of community service. (Actually my plea bargain. And if I complete another additional 6 months of good behavior it gets erased from my criminal record completely!) I have finally completed the necessary hours and I'm sure the community is much better off. (Bah, the stupid justice system in this goshdurned country) I still have to get a letter sent to the judge or it doesn't qualify. Also I have hiked around the USA a bit. Or quite a lot. I've done some long distant hikes, the most notable was a bit more then 50 miles in one day. Starting at 6 am and hiking until somewhere around 9 in the evening. At the moment I'm wishing to go Israel for the chag, but it doesnt seem to be happening. I do carry my passport around, just in case.

Fighting Swine Flu The Easy Way

2009-06-15T15:12:00.002-05:00

Sleep. Thats the easy way. I don't think there IS an easier way than just sleeping. Thats what I did. I slept for two days and when I awoke my swine flu was gone. I'm sure theres gonna be a vaccine to allow your immune system to do what it was about to do any way, or perhaps some sorta natural healing process, involving copious quantities of strong smelling herbs applies to various limbs and orifices, but where I come from sleep is considered the easier alternative. Also there are no side effects. Nothing permanent or noticeable anyway. I do recall a quite vivid hallucination in which I struggled with three angels for possession of my blanket while they beat me in the face with their wings and I attempted to get warm, but I think that was a result of the 103 plus body temperature, not the sleeping cure. Sleeping seems to be the safe, affordable and mildly entertaining way to beat swine flu. Good luck.
(the above statements were not evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. If those tushy faces disagree with any of the above then they obviously need extreme help with their reading comprehension as it is quite obvious that nothing in the above is intended to diagnose, prevent, mitigate, treat or cure the 2009 H1N1 influenza virus. And furthermore, I stand behind my assessment of the FDA being tushy faces, and I'd like to amend that I feel you guys are GIANT tushy faces. You no longer deserve the regular tushy face status any longer. Grow up a bit, you giant tushy faces.)

How to hack into the department of defense and override their computer systems without getting caught

2009-05-15T15:41:00.002-05:00

Yes, its possible. A little birdy let it slip to me that the password of today just happens to be "H1N1 is for the pigs". To the pentagon pencil pushers: prepare perilous plight platitudes, people plunder panic.

(the above is simultaneously a test to see if the country has improved its security since last time I checked, and an attempt to rally those How To sites to fill in the information that seems to be lacking on google's all inclusive search engine.)

In other news, it seems the word that I created a while ago "goorit" was added to a dictionary.

goorit

A measure of time equal to 60 hours.

It is often easier or more accurate to speak of goorits than to say "two or three days" or "about half a week".
"I'll come back and pick up my order in a goorit. Can you have it ready by then?"

"Minutes are to seconds as goorits are to hours."

Thanks to whoever emailed me about it, and whoever added it. Its quite inspiring to see that the English language evolves to fill its needs, and its even cooler to be a part of it.

The updates are slow, mostly due to me bouncing around, having fun, and occasionally getting in trouble with the law. If that bothers you I suggest you write to your local congressman to relax gun restriction and other pointless laws a bit. If that letter goes against any of your morals or beliefs, you can try asking for internet access in prisons for the inmates. This way if I ever end up in jail (well obviously thats pretty far fetched, they'd have to prove to a jury of my peers that I am indeed guilty of something, the charges would have to be for something that would involve jail time, and a judge would have to be willing to sentence me. All of which is highly unlikely. Not to mention that they'd have to catch me first. But if all the above actually happened on some alternative universe, perhaps one where people were logical to some extent) then I'd be able to update from behind bars. If you are still worried about prisoners having access to internet (you're some sorta sadist or something?) , or maybe you just don't like writing letters, at least bake me a cake. But no file. Not until you've sent cakes every day and they stop checking the cakes. They have x-ray machines these days. Remember that. Also, I like chocolate, with frosting.

Accomplishments

2009-03-22T11:21:00.004-05:00

Over the last many goorits (or even many months) I've been doing lots of traveling. I have drove thousands and thousands of miles, I have flown thousands and thousands more. The world is a huge place. I have accomplished much on my travels. I have put ani tapuach stickers on the backs of live gators in the Florida everglades , and escaped with all my limbs intact. (although in the case of the particularly feisty one, barely)I've acquired some new scars. I now have a warrant out for my arrest in the entire state of Indiana. (they have to catch me first, ha!) I've detonated small amounts of dynamite under piles of compost. I filed a lawsuit against US airways. I survived in middle of nowhere by catching fish with my bare hands. I have met long lost relatives in places I didn't even know that people even live. I have discovered the name of my favorite donut. I caught the flu and took a few days off traveling to eat and sleep. Now its back on the road, time to hit the trail cowboy. Later.

Yeah yeah

2009-03-04T16:06:00.002-05:00

I'm aware that I'm supposed to be updating, the problem is that its not like its a simple task. I would love to be able to type my thoughts onto this electronic paperistic thing in front of me and have them appear on my screen. I would love to be able to do so whenever my thoughts pour out of my head in fuzzy fountains like the slurpee machine that got its vat punctured by an errant shot gun blast. Thick sweet frothy and cold, all over the floor. Sorta like the exact opposite of a volcano but just as harmful and serious. Especially if you own the place and just mopped it. Your day would've been hunky dory until this unfortunate incident. Only one or two unruly teens, easily dispatched with a quick cry of "ID, ID, you must shew me iedee okay?" You probably only had your couch and the decision which flavor 6-pack you'd be bringing home on your mind, now your entire existence thrown into total disarray by some punk with a 12 gauge and a grudge. Or perhaps a hunger for some cash and bad aim. Either way the floor will never be quite the same clean as it was this morning. The point is updating only sounds like a simple walk in the park if you havent actually walked a mile in the park. Once you have, you discover the lions and tigers that roam the park after dark. And the muggers, oh yes mustn't forget the muggers. They have rights too, you know.
Anyway, lately I've been traveling the globe and have not been meticulous in my updating schedule. As I continue to travel I see more new sights, and think more new thoughts. I continue to progress with my goal of cartwheeling in every state, country and continent on earth, but its not going as fast as I would like. Thousands of miles have been covered and thousands more to go, "Press on, for today is a new day, live, for that day is but a short one." -Quote from some really famous guy who needed to get some more air in his diet.

Toys

2009-02-04T18:43:00.003-05:00

Today they have come up with a new way to teach kids how to text. Some quite intelligent people at Leap Frog obviously decided that kids these days need help texting. I wonder what went on in that boardroom. The guy who first introduced the idea was probably fumbling with his cellphone while his colleague pointing at pie-charts with a pointer, until some kind fellow was like,
"Hey Frank, is everything ok?"
"Yeah Stan, its just that my young kid has not stopped texting me today, besides for not being able to comprehend the SMS Language, I cant seem to figure out how to respond."
"Me neither, these cell phone texting gadgets are beyond me. I don't know how kids do it."
"Hey, that gives me a stompin good idea! Why dont we create something for kids to learn how to text at a really young age?"
This idea was probably considered pretty grand by the rest of the marketing team, although there was definitely that one guy who said something like, "Uh guys, aren't we missing something important here?" But was quickly shut up by one of the more senior members of the company.
This kind of toy just proves something that I've been saying for years about all these wonderful toys for kids they have these days in general. All the advertisements tout things like 'Will teach your kids essential hand-eye coordination', or 'Don't allow your baby to fall behind, during the early stages of motor skill development its imperative that children have the proper toys to play with'. The funny thing is that parents believe what they read, because the printed word sounds so convincing. Despite the fact that kids have been growing up fine for thousands of years without the aid of huge plastic computer-modeled toys with loud noises and flashy lights. All of a sudden comes along this great new toy with all the expert's opinions written all over the box, and every parent is instantly purchasing the newest ADD inducing monstrosity that some smart cookie, (who obviously never suffered with those toys himself as a kid) created for the specific purpose of pushing the company stock higher. The greatest athletes, scientific minds, and squeegee men of the past all got to where they are today without the aid of 'educational' toys. The same parents who buy them, also managed to 'develop' normally when they were kids and somehow don't seem to have any major deficits in any motor skills. This combined with the high ADD ADHD numbers lately, leads me to believe that perhaps old fashioned toys are better suited for children's development.

Memo to President

2009-01-25T14:28:00.002-05:00

Dear President Obama,

I'm sure you're as big a fan of this blog as your predecessor President Bush was. During your campaign I heard all about change, change and change. So far you've been president for about a week now, and despite all the promises of change, absolutely NOTHING has been done about this extreme cold weather we are experiencing lately. I look forward to the change you promised. I warmly thank you.
love,
doodle

P.S Now that Guantanamo Bay inmates are slated for release, it is only logical that Jonathan Pollard will be next. Thanks again.

Goorit

2009-01-09T12:59:00.004-05:00

Sixty seconds is one minute, sixty minutes is one hour, sixty hours is a...?
Why oh why is there no word for this important number? I have to make one up. What about a Goorit? How often have you wanted to say "Hey, I'll give you a call in a goorit" Or "You wouldn't believe, my plane was delayed for at least two goorits. We sat on the runway until I was arrested for assaulting the pilot. I spent another goorit and a half in jail. But at least not another minute or second in that death trap on the runway"
From now on, instead of saying "Your stuff will be ready in 2.39 days, or 60 hours", you can get off real easy with a "Be back in a goorit". Hows that for saving you time patience and sanity? You're welcome. Feel free to use it whenever you'd like. Its also convenient for people who like to use words that haven't made it to the dictionary until the upcoming year printing. Everyone will respect you at the dinner party when you pull that little gem out of your hat. (although from experience the more real gems you pull out of hats at dinner parties the more respect and seconds on dessert people shower you with) Really.

Back within the grasp of uncle sam

2008-10-31T15:28:00.001-05:00

and his tight knuckly fingers(for now). I tried to ignore the airport to make it go away. Everyone knows that if you ignore something eventually it goes away. Without an airport I'd be forcing myself to stay in a country other than the one I type this from. Unfortunately, the common problem with airports is that they are large and noisy and quiet hard to ignore, especially when you are sitting inside it waiting for your flight. Not to mention that the planes are rather hard to miss.

Holy Land

2008-10-13T06:57:00.003-05:00

I just landed in Israel. Ukraine was tons of fun. While I was there I toured the country, learned to read and write Russian and was kidnapped and tortured for a few days until I managed to escape- it was awesome. (Thats one of the longer stories, if I write a book, maybe I'll include a chapter )
Sukkos in Israel is always a barrel of fun. The kind of barrel that contains you, two cats, a parakeet and a drunk porcupine. Rolling down a bumpy hill during a tornado. With a dozen eggs in your pocket. Some ketchup on your face. And a smile.

Ukraine

2008-10-06T18:20:00.002-05:00

I'm in Ukraine right now. For no reason. A friend of mine was like "Dude, lets go to Ukraine!" And I was like "Ok." So we bought tickets and two hours later grabbed a backpack and hopped on to a plane. (and then we hopped off. It was the wrong plane. Then we hopped on the right plane. But with the other foot. Hopping that much is real painful. Especially up and down stairs. And escalators. And over baby carriages that you were 100% sure were empty, until the mother angrily threatens to remove your head. And shes not kidding.) I'm probably gonna be here for a week or so. But who knows. Planning is for the kind of elderly people who don't like skateboarders and are very vocal about it. So far I've been here for a day. (Yom kippur in Ukraine should be a change from last year, when I spent it in a desert.) To those of you trying to contact me my Ukranian cell phone number is (If dialing from USA first dial 011 380) 63 240 7950. (If you're werent trying to contact me those numbers are the combination on a top secret swiss vault that contains a delicious carrot blueberry pie. Shelf life approximately a month. Find it and feast, or be doomed to live a life with the fact that you blew a chance to open the safe before it spoiled.) Thats all for now. Nazdiravyeh.

Gotta run but..

2008-09-03T18:52:00.006-05:00

Now that the summer is over, and I actually have a few seconds to breath, (blue? me? Oh I thought that was a tan) I can pause the breathing for a second to update. Camp was a blast. Not because of mini sticks of dynamite being placed in all sorts of strategic locations,(although they certainly helped)but just cuz. I wish I can remember all that transpired in the last month, but alas I was occupied with having the fun and had no time to record it for posterity. I only remember the one time I overdosed on wasabi, (I'm talking more than a pint. Way more) simply because I wasn't having as much fun as I was having the rest of the summer. (The eating part was fun, I mean the effects- shivering and sweating simultaneously for an hour, while intestines and stomach sizzle and smoke.) One of my important accomplishments,that I'm very proud of, which took me over the whole summer to finish, was my successful completion of a Big Bruiser 4.2 oz jawbreaker. Besides for that the rest is a big happy blur of dynamite, sun, water and life. (hi reb y!! 'tishim vitaisha bakbukai bira al hakir, tishim vtaisha bakbukim, echad nafal chaval al hakahal, tishim vshmone bakbukai beera al hakir')

Savlanut

2008-07-27T21:40:00.005-05:00

I'm aware that I haven't updated in a while. Unfortunately I haven't been able to post as often as I would like. Not because I don't want to, or because I don't have things to share, but simply because G-d controls the world and I am merely a puppet who bounces around doing the bidding of the Lord while being completely not in control of my destiny or blog updates. Things, usually very odd things, happen to me very often and although these bizarre occurrences make interesting stories and their tellings are sure to brighten up any boring dinner party -they don't allow me much time to type up my memoirs. (you try typing while the earmuffs you are wearing are being chewed on by a yak, or your computer succumbs to the horrible pressure at the bottom of the ocean floor- with no computer tech dude on the entire submarine.) This post is the official savlanut reminder. Dedicated to all the death threats and kicks in the pants that I have been receiving lately. You have all been hanging in there for an update, and I at least owe you that if not a new pair of knuckles.

I've been 23 for over a month now. I will continue to act like I'm four. I continue to stand strong and will not cave in to the pressures of society. (Acting your age is a lesson I learned at four, and I retain it very well.) After spending the last couple of months in America, I feel the only answer to its problems is Anarchy. (Perhaps this will create other problems, but it would definitely solve the existing ones. you're welcome) Pretty soon I'm gonna be headed off to my job at the camp for the special kids. Its tons of fun, and is just another continuation of me not being able to update. I will do my best to update, not because I'm scared of death threats, or because my pants is sore from the kicking, but simply because all my blank posting days means blank memories. Who knows what I've forgotten. (If it was a cure for AIDS again, I'm gonna really do something drastic, mark my words.)

Year of Living Biblically

2008-06-07T22:46:00.002-05:00

Read this book. Its called a year of living biblically. I read it a while ago, and am sharing cuz I'm friendly like that. I thought it well written and funny, and I even LOL'd a couple of times. (For those of you who read it I mean things like the out-bible-talking a 'hovas witness anecdote, and the numerous mistakes in interpretation.) The point of the book was that this guy (the author) A.J Jacobs, who isn't frum and has pretty much no clue about religion, is gonna read the entire Tanach and new testament, memorize it and then spend a year living his life in Manhattan, exactly as the bible says. Some of the things he does are funny. He of course lets his beard and peyos grow long because it says not to cut the corners of beard and head. He tries real hard to keep all the mitzvos. He really does. The only problem is that his entire understanding of the bible is based on the english text (he didnt learn hebrew first) and english books of all different religions. As a result of his lack of knowledge (although quite impressive for a secular guy) gets him into all sorts of funny predicaments. Not having much to work with he started off the year with 'fringes' tied to his shirt sleeves and collar. He wrote down the ten commandments on a piece of paper and tied it to his forehead and to his arm. He brought along a folding chair everywhere he went (like subways) to avoid sitting on a chair a lady may have sat on. He lived for seven days in a sukka he built in his living room. When he tried to stone adulterers, he walked around dropping pebbles on peoples shoes. Despite all his tziduki like practices, he still managed to keep a few mitzvos properly. Like shatnez. When he started he wasnt sure how to wear clothes with no mixtures at all, until he managed to get a real shatnez tester to test all his clothes. Or Shiluach Hakan. The Orthodox guy who checked his clothes, helped him out with that. He did things like write parts from his bible on his actual door post, and smear blood on his door post on pesach. Since he was a terrible gardener (his plants didnt last long enough to have leket) he decided any money he would ever drop by accident would be considered shickcha.

All the various mistakes he made got me thinking. First of all, it showed me how little of Tanach I actually had memorized. (like apparently it says in mishlei or somewhere that your clothes should be white, which was his inspiration to wear white robes- which went really well with his flowing beard and hair) It also showed me how much information is in the torah. With the bare minimum (just the english text) this guy had a years worth of work and even then just barely scratched the surface. I couldn't help but imagine what his reaction would be if someone introduced him to the talmud. Besides for the long while it would take him to learn Aramaic, he would have a lifetime of work to complete the whole thing. And thats just the Gemarah. I'm sure his mind would have been completely blown had someone introduced him to the basic Rishonim. (If theres any possible way that he- an obviously very intelligent man- would be able to wrap his mind around a single 'shtickel' from the Achronim, I'd eat my hat, a bucket of glue and a piece of a rubber band.) Had he spent a year with the shulchan aruch I'd be standing up and clapping. (Instead of sitting down and typing. Didn't you ever wonder if I type sitting down or hanging from my knees on a traffic light wire? Well, sometimes. But usually the former.) The amount of knowledge he lacks, made me think about the lack of knowledge we all lack. How many of us have actually finished Shas, or even the Shulchan Aruch? Are we just in a similar predicament, living without really knowing, doomed to try but not actually make it anywhere?

(Paid For By: Doodle for Governor. In honor of shavuos)

I know

2008-05-23T13:11:00.004-05:00

Its been a while since I last updated. I know. I'm not dead or hospitalized. I'm not in prison or in a hostile country. I'm not stuck in a perpetual loop in my time altering machine (again). Nor am I quitting. I just havent gotten around to updating. I almost forgot how to type in the long time I havent updated. I remembered only because smart people like me realize after much trial and error that when you push a key on the keyboard a corresponding letter appears on the screen. 'Backspace' does exactly that, and 'space bar'- although it isn't labeled, is only a matter of time until you accidentally bump into it with its long easy to find sized key right next to your thumbs.

Anyway I'm having difficulty and you can help. A while ago I had heard you can make a nice sized explosion using a large quantity of urine, some mouthwash and mint flavored menthos. I tried it in a bazillion different variations, using all sorts of different methods. (special thanks to all those who donated the large quantities of urine) Nothing worked. If you know anything about the piss-bomb please comment with the info. (like how exactly its done, how big an explosion we're talking here. The ratios. If its even possible. If it makes a difference what the urine donaters drank beforehand. If drinking jet fuel has any detrimental affects on peoples health. That sorta thing.) It would make my day, thanks.

This Country

2008-04-11T14:24:00.002-05:00

Now that I've been here in America for the last couple of weeks, I've had enough have had time to get over the initial shock. I've recovered enough to be able to interact with other humans, but occasionally I suffer a relapse. Apparently while I was gone the country was falling apart, but now that I'm back I've come to whip things back into shape. (While I'm here, based on the news I hear about Israel the country sounds like it needs me as well. It seems to be coming apart at the seams since my departure) Theres lots of changes to this country that I would suggest. Now since the president pretends he doesn't read my blog as was apparent from his lack of replying in President Bush: this one's for you it seems that we the ordinary citizens (even if you're not so ordinary, and have a wooden leg, a borat mustache and only dress in mustard yellow overalls. Which may be ordinary, except that you eat your food through your ears which is highly uncommon, at least says the surgeon general. Right Sarge?) have to take matters into our own hands. One thing we have to do away with is those automatic phone thingys. When I call a company I expect to reach a person and not have everyone in half mile radius be subjected to "Operator!"
"Okay pay bill, one moment we are transferring your call, if thats not what you wanted say 'go back'.
"Go back. OPERATOR"
"Ok Mortgages, one moment we are transferring your call, if thats not what you wanted say 'go back' "
"GO BACK! OPERATOR!"
"Okay aerator.... We don't sell aerators, please hold while we transfer you to the strange and and unusual farm and bathroom implement purchasing department...." STOP!" "Okay, transferring you to an operator. This is what I would classify as torture. In fact the UN would probably condemn the US if they ever tried interrogating prisoners by giving them phones and asking them to try to get hold of customer service. (all the CIA dudes get to snicker behind the one way glass, until the guy ends up trying to strangle himself with the cord or spills the beans) The way I propose we do this is an organized protest. Not the organized protest that is done in Israel. (although Israelis certainly have the right idea, their way simultaneously gets their point across very strongly and enables hours of endless fun. When else can you have high speed motorcycle and horse chases involving molotov cocktails and tear gas?) This protest is more peaceful for those Americans who think violence is no fun. All you gotta do is call a company every day, go through the whole annoyance to get to an operator and when you are finally connected, "Hello this is Jessica how may I help you?"
"PAY BILL"
"Whats that sir?"
"NO! GO BACK! PAY BILL!"
"Excuse me?"
" Aaaaah I hate these stupid voice activated computers. PAY BILL!"
"Sir, I'm not a computer"
"STOP! GO BACK!"
"Sir what can I help you with?"
"PAY BILL!"
"You'd like to pay your bill?"
"GO BACK! PAY BILL!"
"Sir, I'm not a machine, I'm a person."
Eventually after companies (your call may be recorded for quality purposes) realize they are losing time on all the phone calls, they will see the error of their ways and do away with the whole machine thing. Thats just one of the many ways we can help improve our quality of life. Feel free to add your own.

Leaving

2008-03-24T15:24:00.003-05:00

I'm sitting in the airport, waiting to board. Despite my prolonged stay in the country, (visa people werent too happy. I missed my flight and ended being here for a year straight) I'm on my way out. Heading back to America. Leaving the land of milk and honey for the land of powdered milk and artificial sweetener. I can't say I don't miss it, but I"m gonna miss Israel more. Thats all for now.

Steak and Coke

2008-02-28T15:53:00.008-05:00

Sounds yummy doesn't it? I'm not talking about eating it though. More than three months ago I had heard that if you leave a steak soaking in cola the entire steak will dissolve after a short period of time. Of course I had to try it. (thanks reb y) This is a pic of the steak before adding the soda.

This is after 24 hours

This is after 48 hours. Does it look like it shrunk a bit, or is that just me?

After 72 hours.

After about a week, notice the little bits of fat starting to rise to the top.

This is after a couple of months. The fat on that floated to the top congealed and turned into a thick layer of mold.

This is after I peeled off the mold layer. Notice the steak is in two pieces but pretty much all there.

At this time it appears that the steak coke thing does not work. I'm keeping the steak in the coke, at least until I leave. We shall see if it ever dissolves.

Disease and Phone

2008-02-12T06:30:00.001-05:00

Although I'm not a Doctor (not even a little around the edges) I'd like to name a new disease. Everyone knows someone affected by this disease, but no one has given it an official title. As long as it doesn't have an official title, nobody can possibly get treatment for it. Therefore I hereby name this disease in the hope that those afflicted can seek immediate medical care. I'm referring to Chronic Forwarding Disorder. Or CFD for short. (Isn't it fun how people insist on telling you the initials, as if you can't spell) This disease affects all sorts of people, who have been exposed to corny emails for too long and feel compelled to forward the entire contents of their inboxes to every address in their address book, daily. No amounts of threats of bodily harm can stop them, and deleting their handiwork seems to encourage them.
Recently one victim of CFD had his disease spread to a new level. He had me on his list, and his numbers started increasing. I was getting a minimum of 25 an hour and each one was worse than the last. (yeah, I opened all of them. Maybe I have Openers Syndrome) Although I pleaded, begged, cajoled, threatened, pleaded again and cried, he still continued his onslaught. Finally, one day when it got to a point where it was my health or his life, I met this guy (who happens to read this blog) in the street and brought him to a dark alley. There I proceeded to "persuade" him to desist his email activities. We ended up compromising: he can only forward me emails that are either funny or important and I'd let him pick up his body parts off the floor to be sewn back on at the hospital. Since that day, (about three days ago)I have only received one email from this apparently cured survivor. The email was one that had been making its rounds to try to discourage people from talking on cellphones while driving. It had very graphic pictures of an accident of someone who they claimed was talking on his phone. There were pics of the car flattened into a little coffin sized box. It also showed the car being pulled apart by medics on the scene, and removing the body from the wreckage. The head was flattened (goatee still intact), inner organs spilling out from above the severed waist. The legs were still connected to each other with some bone that could have been part of a spine or tail bone. It was a very interesting email, so I didn't go seek and destroy the sender of it. (although I have a F-16 standing by, so quiver in your shoes, quiver, you uncontrollable email sender)
After reading this email I was bothered by a few things. Like why all of a sudden were people worried about cell phone usage during driving? I read lots of papers who have been discussing recent studies on this topic. Why have I not received any emails with pictures of someone killed while changing stations on the radio, or giving another driver the finger? I'm sure there are statistics somewhere of people who've died while sneezing and driving. I'm willing to bet its higher than cellphone death. Just think about it. All it takes is one out of control sneeze, and both hands move the wheel sharply in one direction, eyes close, head shoots forward and the foot stomps down on the nearest pedal. Thats an instant disaster. The reason why nobody knows about it is because nobody can know. When they go through the burnt out shell of the car (or crunched car, depending on how it ended) they won't find his used tissue, but they will find the remains of his cellphone and assume that what caused it. Its not like they interview the corpse later and he said "yeah, it was my fault I was on a cell phone, trying to order a pizza but my voice dial wasn't working so I texted my brother-in-law for the number for the pizza place, but he had his phone off during the meeting, so instead I was playing bowling on the phone" Since he's dead he won't be answering any of your questions, even if you shout very loud and shake him around by his shirt collar. The only way to know for sure would be if the car companies installed those black boxes they have in airplanes. Then we can see if the last recorded sound was a sneeze. Thats how studies should be done.

Quick Update

2008-01-27T07:35:00.000-05:00

Shabbos was real nice. We hitched around until we ended up in Ashdod.(We started hitching pretty close to shabbos so we didnt have time to get much further.) It was warm, sunny,and came with a beach. When we got there we walked around a bit until we bumped into a frum person, and got ourselves invited to his house for shabbos. Had a great time, and really enjoyed. Thats all for now, my keyboard just ate one of my fingers and I gotta either get a band-aid or smash my space bar with a hammer. (spacebars are dangerous I tellya)

Things you can do with pareve cholent

2008-01-24T15:40:00.000-05:00

Well you can do all sorts of things, obviously. Like pour into other peoples shoes, other peoples pants, or even your own shoes or pants.(does not feel as slimy as herring but fun nonetheless) You can even eat it. Pareve cholent is wonderful to eat, simply because even though its cholent, you can still eat milchigs afterwards -its pareve. So if you end up eating it for breakfast you can still have your coffee, and drink it too. The only problem with pareve cholent is that its pareve. Being pareve and lacking meat, causes the cholent to be slightly bland and missing something essential. In order to make it more exciting I've experimented with lots of different ways to enjoy pareve cholent.
A while back I blogged about my cholent pizza recipe, which consisted of cholent and pizza mixed together. (its gotta be done right , or you can really ruin it. Mostly make sure the cholent goes on TOP of the pizza, and you'll be okay.) More recently I tried creating all sorts of various cholent concoctions.Some worked, some didnt. (a vast understatement in the case of the luminol and copper sulfate cholent. I had to get a new pot, a new oven and a new kitchen) One of the worst tasting one was the one with cholent, olives, tomatoes and chocolate pudding. One of the more notable successes was rather tasty. (in other words this chef is recommending) It involves melting copious quantities of cottage cheese into a pareve cholent to give it a thick, wholesome, yet cholenty flavor.Maybe not gonna be in my gourmet edition of Cholent Today, but if I put it in I would definitely give it three maybe four stars. (the four depends on a couple of small details like using fresh cottage cheese, the mixing the cholent evenly, and not accidentally adding shampoo to the whole thing- something that shouldn't happen if you make sure not to keep the ketchup next to the shower)
This shabbos I don't know where I'm gonna end up, but I hope its warm. Our plan is to hitch around all friday until until we get somewhere warmer and sunnier, and we'll spend shabbos there. Thats as far as we planned, and thats quite enough for this year.

The Ani Tapuach Blog!!!

2008-01-14T15:26:00.000-05:00

Check it out! The founder of the movement (a close friend) started this official ani tapuach blog. He's planning on putting on lots of cool pics. (I get a honorable mention on it!)If you access it from a cellphone there's even a free ani tapuach wallpaper download on the right side.

President Bush: This Ones For You

2008-01-07T07:16:00.000-05:00

Dear Mister President,

We'd like to invite you to our apartment for the duration of your stay in Israel. You're guaranteed to have a great time. Come over, don't be shy. We'll pop open a few beers, play some guitar(we can play country if you like), smoke some hookah and eat garinim(its yummy, dont worry, you'll see). Chill. Have a great time. We don't wanna discuss politics, it would be a great way for you to relax and take a little break. Theres room for you and one other secret service agent to sleep (as we only have two couches) but theres plenty of room to hang. This is a serious invitation and we are not making jokes. I'm sure you would enjoy hanging out with us, and checking out our living quarters. You can use our DSL line if you have any calls you want to make to America, but we hope you'd rather chill than be involved in business. We'd love to take you around the area, show you some good places to eat, and just enjoy life a little as an American in Israel. You can contact me either via email, or my cell. (0546621254 in Israel)Please do not hesitate, our home is open to you.
Waiting for your call
Doodlehead and friends
PS If you have a chance, please pick up two cartons of reds and a bottle of jack from duty free for us. Don't worry we'll pay you back.

Cats

2008-01-03T07:03:00.000-05:00

Whoa. As reb y just pointed out its been three weeks since I last updated. Thats crazy. The point of my blog was to be able to remember the days that passed when I read my blog. Now I just lost three weeks of my life and I have no recollection of what transpired. If I would've updated I'd be able to read it and remember.(or at least read it and nod as if I remember)
Because I think the cats in this country are cute, I'm gonna put on a couple of cat pics. If you don't want to look at them you can spend your time looking at more important things like baboons urinating in rosebushes, or watching dandelions lose their puff, although those won't purr and rub against your leg, they can probably keep you occupied for a bit.

Hamsters?

2007-12-13T19:27:00.000-05:00

Its been a while since I updated last. I know. Its been a while cuz its really difficult to update blogs when you're spending every waking moment of your day studying for your bar exam, taking skydiving courses and helping old ladies cross the street. (a very much overrated activity, since if old ladies can walk the blocks between the street crossings they can probably make the short distance across the street without your assistance. Plus its not like you're doing much more than a cane would anyway. However if you plan on pursuing a career in presidency of the US, then it would at least accomplish some brownie points on your resume, if nothing else.) Not that I've actually been doing any of that lately, but I'm sure its difficult to update your blog when doing any of the aforementioned activities. So I hear. The problem with not updating often is that I forget what I've been up to all this time, and have to take wild guesses hoping that I'm close to the truth. (If I'm not and somehow recover my lost memories I'll be first to line up in the class action lawsuit against myself. If I ever pass my bar exam that is.)
I have received all the emails, voice mails, text messages and telegrams (ok not really telegrams, but telegrams are tons of fun. STOP. They actually have em at the post office here, but when I tried sending one, they gave me a long complicated speech in hebrew that involved the words powdered yak bone, and telephone a lot. So I'm not sure what the whole story on them is.STOP.)people sent to inquire on my living status. Well I'm alive and kicking and trying not to hurt my toes when kicking. I'm contemplating taking a trip to Japan or Europe in the near future, but haven't decided on details, and I still havent figured out how to smuggle a trained monkey in my carry-on. I also am planning a cross country moped trip when I get back to the US but thats not for while. Still have to work out a few details like the moped, helmet, and where to stop. (seattle, LA, alaska, mexico, What do you think?)

The New Ani Tapuach

2007-11-26T09:55:00.000-05:00

The ani tapuach campaign (if you are just tuning in, stop, and go read my previous entries on the topic. Right now. Put down the sandwich, no not on the keyboard, the mayonnaise will ruin the keyboard, yeah the mouse should be a better spot for now.) has been very successful at reaching its worldwide audience. Theres hardly anyone who hasnt heard of it or seen it somewhere. Now theres a new ani tapuach sticker. The guy running for mayor of Kfar Tapuach (a settlement in the shomron area)contacted my friend who started the tapuach campaign a few weeks ago, and they came up with this sticker to use on his election campaign.

Its a little different but the idea remains the same. I'm an apple you're an apple we're all apples.!אני תפוח

Death of Forks

2007-11-19T15:31:00.000-05:00

G-d created humans to use all their five senses to enjoy food. When you see the food you are eating (and it looks appetizing) you enjoy your food more. Which is why a salad is not brown slop, its got all sorts of pretty colors. When you taste it, its obvious that you enjoy it more, (show me a man who eats without using his tongue, and I'll show you a man who tried licking his lawnmower blade to clean it)Smelling food is also a big part of enjoying food, when you have a cold you will notice that you taste less. Hearing is also part of the enjoyment (the thought process of the manufacturers of Cap'n Crunch was probably something along these lines) Feeling is also important when it comes to eating. You will notice that food tastes so much better when its eaten using your fingers instead of cutlery. It adds the fifth dimension to your food and allows you to completely enjoy it, using all of your senses, and experiencing food the way Nature intended.

This is why I'm starting a movement to abolish all cutlery. Its high time people stopped using knives and forks at meals. The only reason I can think of to use a fork is because its not polite not to. However, being polite means having others at the table's sensitivities in mind, which after my movement sweeps the nation won't be a problem at all. Simply due to the fact that it will be socially acceptable. All I need is one person to start the trend, and when people realize what they're missing out they'll all jump on the bandwagon.(even the 400 pound guy who lives behind the supermarket. The bandwagon may break, but I'm sure its insured) I'm willing to be the first brave one who tries this out. I'm gonna have to make a shabbos meal without any cutlery, just a finger bowl by each setting,(maybe a two finger bowls, one soapy, for the really greasy food) and a few cloth napkins. Soup will be served in a big mug. People think that people in the olden days were barbaric or uncouth, but in reality they had the right idea about eating food. They could've invented silverware, but just didn't because it would be pointless.

Games

2007-11-06T08:07:00.000-05:00

Sports are fun, and I love creating new ones. A while back a created a game I call Cockroach Crunch. To play all you need is a pair of night vision goggles and a dark room, late at night when the roaches roam free. Players take turns wearing the goggles and stomping barefoot on the roaches. Person with the most dead roaches wins.
Recently I created another game I call Croc Hockey. All you need is hockey sticks, a big indoor gym and two hockey teams wearing crocs. Flood the room with lotsa water, and play hockey. Its extremely dangerous due to the fact that its a lot harder to skate in crocs on a wet floor then on skates. Your feet will have much difficulty going in the same direction, and you will probably end up snapping an ankle or two. (which is half the fun) Its not a very high scoring game, but its definitely worth every second you can spare,learning how to croc skate.

Halloween

2007-10-30T09:53:00.000-05:00

Halloween doesn't really happen in Israel. At least I've never noticed it happening. It could very well be in a little alley somewhere, a few little kids are busy TP'ing the garbage cans, and bumming candy off the homeless guys. I just never noticed it happening. The past few years that I was in the US I dressed up and went trick-or-treating on Halloween. It was unbelievable how much candy I made. I'm still debating going around Israel. I'm sure they know what trick-or-treat means, and if they don't I'm sure a bottle of shaving cream and a lit paper bag of dog poop would jog their memory a bit. I'll probably end up with a bag full of bamba and bissli though.

In other related news I have decided we are not a technologically advanced people after all. We just pretend to be. The proof is in our cars. The fact that there is that hump in the backseat, and nobody can figure out how to get rid of it, means that we have a long way to go in automobile development. Forget hybrid, and vegetable oil. First figure out a way to have the person in the middle get his feet off the dashboard. If you don't know what I'm referring to, try feeding your toes to a venus fly-trap, in the name of science. That will clear things up a bit. Now back to you in the studio...

Cleaning and Carlebach

2007-10-28T08:55:00.000-05:00

Its been a while since theres been anything resembling the usual state of mess around my apartment. Over sukkos we were graced with quite a few crashers who needed a place to sleep, along with their luggage (for the few that actually came along with luggage.) As a result we havent seen the floor in any room in over a month. For no apparent reason, my roommate had his motorcycle parked in the middle of my bedroom. Which besides for being a great conversation piece, also added much to our interior design, and the headlights were awfully useful whenever we had a black out, while the rear view mirrors were perfect for shaving. Its also a better place to chuck clothes onto, it beats the floor only cuz its neater when its hanging on a motorcycle then piled up a couple of feet high on the floor directly, and cuz motorcycles don't try eating things you hang on it. All of our couches were full, and we had quite a crowd over the last buncha weeks. Now its starting to dwindle down, homeless guys have been finding places to live, lost guys have been finding themselves, and we are cleaning, well not actually cleaning, (the mess makes it more fun, and easier) but cleaning our basement. Our basement is a dark dusty place, used as storage by someone nobody knows for trash. We are cleaning it out to use as a combination; bar, jam session room, place to chill and if necessary a place for some homeless to crash. Its a lot of work but if we finish, I get to be bartender.

Last night, in honor of R' Shlomo Carlebach's yartzeit, we had a kumzitz in the old city. At first it was just me and two other friends with guitars and one on the bongos, but then we were joined by a fourth guitarist we met on a rooftop. Then we moved the party to below ground level, and ended up having quite a large crowd. We were joined by lotsa singers, and tons of people stopped to listen. Everybody was clapping along and enjoying the music.

Brontosaurus

2007-10-17T11:01:00.000-05:00

I've been really busy lately so I haven't updated my blog in quite some time. If you were clicking refresh holding your breath the last couple of weeks, would you like a burial or cremation? If you were miraculously revived by the expert hospital staff, send them a gift or something nice to show your appreciation. The truth is I'm not so sure what exactly I was doing since the last time I posted, cuz it was tons of stuff. Some of the things I was busy with (in no special order or significance) consisted of but not limited to: Brewing new beer, learning how to yodel, playing lotsa guitar, brokering drug deals, going to simchas,enjoying opera, being a spiritual advisor, learning torah, partying, spreading joy and happiness, writing a sefer, and a book, and a screenplay, traveling, watching tv, meeting old friends (old as in from years ago that disappeared off the face of the planet not old as in 'oyy vey my arthritis') keeping world peace, (in my pocket and jingling it around every once in a while to listen to it scream) I didn't actually sleep much the whole time. I wanted to experiment to see how long I could go without sleep, especially since sleep wastes so much time and theres never enough time to do everything. So I ended up going a few days at a time without sleep, then sleeping for about four hours, then repeating for a total of about eight hours a week. It was fun, and I managed to save lotsa time to do things that I dont even remember what it consisted of.

Quick Update

2007-10-07T01:09:00.000-05:00

Its official now. I missed my flight. Originally I was planning on getting to the airport and trying to sneak on to a flight going somewhere else then home, like
Australia, but that didnt work out either. (stupid security people ruin everything) So I ended up missing my flight. Now I'm in Israel without a return ticket.

Sukkos

2007-09-30T06:50:00.001-05:00

Sukkos I'm in yerushalayim. Its really nice, and lots of fun. Heres some pre-sukkos pics.

My sukka isnt pictured here, but its real cute. I started building it about ten minutes before shkia (last minute is best)erev Yom tov and barely had enough time to shave shower and get ready before sundown. (Its really original looking)
Theres crazy parties ever where each day of sukkos. Coming back from a party last night I hitched a ride in the trunk of a teen Israeli guy's car. Teen Israeli drivers drive a lot faster and recklessier then their distant cousins Israeli drivers. Being in their trunks is lots more fun. I would recommend it to anyone. The music is much better in the trunk, and I didnt run out of air until only 5 minutes from my apartment. Then I got home, (after taking lotsa breaths of fresh air) and went right out and made some of my own parties. Sukkos is funner then playing ping pong on the back of an elephant while wearing a loin cloth and warpaint. (and theres not much funner then that, trust me)

Yom Kippur

2007-09-22T20:10:00.000-05:00

I spent Yom kippur down south (as in further then beer sheva). In the desert. I felt that regular fasting wasnt a challenge anymore, so why not fast in the desert where its much hotter, and easier to dehydrate? I had a very nice and spiritual yom kippur. I davened in a hesder yeshiva, and theres just nothing that can compare to a yom kippur davening with a couple of hundred soldiers. Heres a pic of the view. Open desolate desert all around.

Last week I did help my cousin bottle his latest batch of beer. It was fun and awesome, at least as fun and awesome as stepping the daylight out of the grapes. And judging by the taste testing, a real excellent beer.

Squishy

2007-09-18T09:42:00.000-05:00

Last night I was up all night making wine. Or more precisely, picking grapes. The actual stamping on the grapes part only took a few minutes but the wine won't be ready for quite some time. Its gotta ferment first. My cousin, who's an experienced and unbelievable wine maker needed help turning his latest grape shipment into something a little squashier. I personally crushed a hundred pounds of grapes with my bare feet. (beat that. Unfortunately, I did not end up with the purple stained feet I'd hoped for. But what can you do, you cant always have everything) Heres a pic, looking into a barrel a grapes. (as opposed to looking out of the barrel of grapes. Thats not as much fun, and you can end up picking sediment out of your ears for days. And thats assuming you were actually rescued. Some people arent so lucky and are left to ferment.)

I'm hoping my cousin needs my help to bottle his latest batch of beer also. Cuz it should be almost as fun as tap dancing on top of little defenseless grapes, but with less grape skins between my toes. At least I think so. I dont think anyone would actually sneak into my crocs while I'm bottling beer and pout lots of grape skins between my toes. That would be silly.

Update

2007-09-16T12:02:00.000-05:00

Rosh hashana was very nice. I was home in yerushalayim for all 3 days. Ate meals at family and friends, each meal at a different one. Didnt camp out but thoroughly enjoyed it nonetheless. Yom kippur, I intend to be in the desert. Today I finally fixed my dsl which was broken for the last 5 days. I spent all day fixing it.
I decided to change my plans and instead of returning to America in middle of sukos, I'm gonna be staying here till pesach! (this is like one of the only times I actually used an exclamation point in my blog, so please read it as if its exciting news, thanks for your cooperation)

Tomatoes

2007-09-09T04:26:00.000-05:00

Tomatoes have nicotine. At least thats what wiki says. It also mentions eggplant, green pepper, and potatoes as vegetables with nicotine. There is absolutely no reason why I mention this.
Shabbos I was by yet more relatives I was never at yet, had an awesome time. It looks like I'm not gonna end up making it to Uman for Rosh hashana. If I would've found a ferry to Turkey, right now I'd be somewhere along the way to Russia. Either way I'm gonna enjoy my Yom tov. Even if I'm not camping out for it.

Untitled (or is it?)

2007-09-03T05:03:00.000-05:00

Shabbos was amazing. I ended up going to Tzfat. Slept on the floor in chabad. Ate meals by random people around Tzfat. We had an awesome time. Its real nice up there. I hadnt really spent time in tzfat before, since every time before that I was there, I was just hitching through and only stopped for a short while. (I didnt take a camera with me, so I'm gonna have to muster up a brain cell or two, and use it to for memory. It was all beautiful)
I'm starting a little Parkour team. Lots of guys seem real interested in learning parkour. So the other night, I took a few guys who requested, on a run. Showed them the basic vaults, rolls,and climbing techniques. They all enjoyed it, and for the most part we stayed within a story to the ground.
(I am not writing about last nights escapade, because I dont want any of us to get in trouble. But it involved some guys sneaking around at about 4 in the morning with knives, paint and tear gas. Sorry but thats all I can say. No, wait. I can also say it did not involve waffles, petunias, or boa constrictors. Definitely none at all. Thats it. )

Sneezing on key

2007-08-30T03:25:00.000-05:00

Do you know what note you sneeze on?
To find, out all you need is a standard guitar tuner. First, in order to actually sneeze, take some ground black pepper, arrange it into neat lines, and snort it. This will not make you sneeze yet, but it will tickle your nose which is tons of fun. Then stand in the sun with your eyes closed facing the sun and holding the tuner. Your head should be tilted back, and dont forget to relax your nasal passages. You will feel a sneeze building, and just let it come. Try not to sneeze on the actual tuner, but in case you do have a tissue handy to wipe it off. After you sneeze, quickly look at the little screen and you'll know what note you sneeze on. I sneeze on a D. For years I was wondering what note I sneeze on, and its wonderful to finally know. I had asked a really musical friend of mine to identify the note and he had told me a high C. He was really close.
This shabbos I may or may not go to tzfat. I probably wont know until I'm there, but even then, if I end up there in a trunk, bound and gagged and unconscious I wont know either. It all depends.

Virus & Bullets

2007-08-27T08:36:00.000-05:00

The name of my new hit movie thats gonna be released this holiday season. Its an action packed thriller, that actually uses actors instead of the total jokes hollywood tries to sell. Ok I'm kidding. I'm talking about my day so far. My computer got infected by lots of really mean viruses and scary things that popped up at me and threw three syllable words my way, while opening up random internet windows that never closed . (sorta like fred and georges swamp) It was all my fault, cuz I never read what pops up on my screen, I just click ok, cuz its in the way of whatever is behind it, that I'm in middle of working on. So when something popped up, informing me that it was malicious spyware and yada yada yada, I just clicked ok, open and get out of my face I'm in middle of something. So as a result, I spent all day trying to get rid of it. My firewall (whatever that is) I turned off years ago, cuz it kept popping up in middle of no where informing me that everything was running smoothly, which I can see for myself thank you very much. After a while a friend of mine who actually knows a little about computers (as in more then what I know. I know how to turn it on, shut it off, and if you drop a computer onto a sleeping roommates head, it will hurt a lot, depending on if its a desktop or laptop and from how high you drop it. Thats it.)happened to pop by. He immediately started installing all sorts of nifty programs with names like 'spy attacker', 'search and destroy', and 'I've got that bugger in my crosshairs, dont breath'. They didnt do much except fill up my whole desktop with lots of cool icons, so now it looks much more colorful. While they were scanning, we kept ourselves entertained by taking some m-16 bullets and exploding them in our yard. We of course did it the safe way, which involves lighting a fire, chucking them in, and taking cover, cuz you dont know which way they go. Its even more fun then being shot at by someone who is aiming at you, cuz its totally random. Eventually, all those little robots inside the computer finished scanning everything, and they neutralized the problem. It was sad. You could almost hear the little virus crying "what did I do to you? Why me?" Poor thing, oh well at least I've got my computer back.

Nothing About Donuts

2007-08-21T10:41:00.000-05:00

On Sunday my great uncle died. I dont think I ever met him. My cousin and brother visited him in the hospital recently, but I was sleeping.(stupid excuse I know, but thats what happened.) We all went to the funeral. I've been to more funerals then I can count back in America, but this was my first Israeli one. Its a lot cooler, cuz the body isn't hidden in a box but covered with a talis and you can actually see the form lying there. We all helped shovel on dirt. I didn't take any pictures during the funeral, but I really wanted to. I didn't want to get all my relatives nervous. Its not fun when you're burying a loved one and theres someone snapping pics a whole time. I think my whole camera habit is slightly out of hand. Theres no reason to feel the need to snap pics, I should be able to remember things without having to refer to pictures.
Today I took pics of the bear world peace exhibit.

Its got a bear painted with themes from each country to promote peace. (Dont ask me howit promotes peace, cuz I have no idea. Its probably something to do with bears being friendly warm and cuddly creatures, who dont have big claws and sharp teeth.)

This is the United states bear.

The one with the kids in front is the Israel bear.

I love the Moldova bear. Its only claim to fame is that nobody has heard of Moldova.

Today we also raced some childs plastic see-saw down some hills. Lots of fun, and nobody got too badly hurt. Then we installed it in our yard as a lawn ornament. (and for the occasional see-sawing.)
Tonight is a close friends wedding, and I'm late and not even caring.

The regular

2007-08-19T08:32:00.000-05:00

Today I was sitting in my apartment, just minding my own business. (trying to locate a broker for one armed pirate shirts. If you must know) When I hear a knock at the door. This knock on the door was strange for two reasons. Number one, nobody ever knocks on my door. Ever. They just barge in and plop on the couch, or raid the fridge or something. Number two, it wasn't the polite knock of a person wanting to come in, it was the impatient knock-knock-knock that police officers use when breaking into your house at two in the morning. Its the knock that combines urgency and command to sort of say, "open up this door within thirty seconds, or we're bashing the door down with either a bazooka, or the king size cop who eats donuts for a living." (depending on how much noise they want to make) Anyway I open the door and I see an M-16. Behind it are two rather large police officers. They don't look very happy and are holding some warrant papers. They start interrogating me as to the whereabouts of someone I dont know. Through the conversation they discover that I really don't know who they want, and (finally) I'm actually innocent of any crime (ha, who would've thought)It was only after they left did I realize they were looking for my neighbor. I hadnt realized who they wanted cuz I never knew he had a last name. My neighbor is a real great guy. He's a little psycho, but he loves to party with us.He's gotta be at least 50 but he's always got something crazy going on. The last few days he wasnt being so friendly and his face was bandaged up. The question is what he did, and if I should go look for him to tell him the cops are after him.

Fire

2007-08-18T16:21:00.000-05:00

You know how firemen have their fire poles in the fire station? When the big bell rings they all jump off their couches upstairs, stop the card game in middle, and slide down the shiny pole, straight into the fire trucks. What I find interesting, is that they do this to save time, yet no one has even considered how much faster it would be if instead of jumping off the couches and sliding down the pole, they would just have the couches downstairs already. The bell rings and they stand up and go into the truck. No more sliding down poles. It does have a nice effect, but its just pointless and time consuming. In a fire every second counts. Thats why the trucks have loud horns and sirens.
Speaking of fires, the other night we decided to recreate Moses and the burning bush. We selected a cute little green bush in my backyard, covered it with paper and cardboard and lit it. The fire died out after a short while and the bush wasn't burned too badly. Then my brother decided the fire was too wimpy, and took two large mattresses stuck em onto the bush, and lit it.(we'll worry about what to sleep on later) The fire was much bigger, hotter, and lasted much longer. When it finally died down, the bush was completely demolished, and the only thing that remained of the mattresses was the springs.

On the bottom of the page, yahoo has a list of all the popular searches of the day. I figure that if I search for my blog a few thousand times today, I'll be on yahoo. So I'm trying it. If you see my blog on yahoo you'll know it works.

Two week update

2007-08-08T06:43:00.000-05:00

I'm back, after a three hundred mile, two week hike and feeling great. Shvil Yisrael is a huge trail that starts at the northern tip of Israel and connects most hiking trails all the way to the southern tip. (of course not even close to being in a straight line) We started in Tel dan nature reserve in Kibbutz Dan, about two kilometers from the Lebanese border. We didnt realize it at first but the first week of our hike was during a record breaking heat wave. We did realize that we were drinking sometimes more then twenty liters of water a day. (Camelbaks make that a lot easier) Some people died on our trail. (nobody from our group though) I had been planning this hike with two friends for a while. Both of them, lets call them Thing one and Thing two (just cuz it sounds funny) are in excellent shape, and I'm in
pretty decent shape too. The problem was the other four guys were about average, and they really got tired and weary during the heat. One guy left half way through the first day and one guy left the second day. The rest hung on for three days, but that was it. Then it was just me, thing one and two, walking, climbing, and having an awesome time.
Our schedule consisted of waking up at five or six in the morning, packing away our sleeping bags, davening shachris, eating breakfast, filling up water, and then hitting the road (at about eight or earlier if we could) until it got dark. We took a break for lunch sometime in the middle of the afternoon. As soon as it got dark we'd set up camp, daven maariv, eat, and hit the sack. Totally out cold until the morning. We'd try to set up camp in a place that had a faucet or a hose. Then we'd have a water supply for drinking, washing our clothes, and showering. Our food consisted of a minimum of a thousand calories a meal. It was whole wheat bread and whatever dairy product we managed to buy at that civilizations grocery, (usually cottage cheese) for breakfast. Bread and peanut butter for lunch, and bread and tuna for supper. We supplemented our diet with occasional snacks of granola and halva and other high energy foods. We didnt carry much food around, cuz our packs were heavy enough. Mine weighed close to fifty pounds. About twenty five of it was just water. (and often I'd have to refill more then once a day)The back pack was a big frame pack with a metal frame. I didnt take any clothes other then what I was wearing, and I tried to cut down as much weight as possible. Heres the basic day by day.
Tuesday the 24th:
Tisha b'av. Fasted all day. Walked around in the heat a little, trying to get some last minute supplies. Most local stores closed. Then at night took a bus to kiryat shmoneh. Found a park with grass, went to sleep.

Wednesday the 25th:
Went to Tel Dan to start on hike. Heres a random pic at the reserve.

Then we started. After a little while Thing one and Two were way ahead, with me keeping up, while most guys fell behind. Heres a pic of a herd of cows blocking part of the trail.

We had to keep an eye out for the shvil yisrael marker. In this pic, the marker tells you to squeeze between that rock and that tree, wade through the stream and continue along to the bank.

We went on for a buncha hours, and the heat was intense. As it got mid afternoon it was something like one hundred and ten degrees in the shade, and yet we pressed on. Eventually the heat got the better of us, one guy left right then and there, and the rest of us passed out in the shade next to a little stream. It was really rough. (we decided from then that we should take a break during the real hot afternoon hours) Then it got a little cooler and we woke up and continued. It was definitely one of the hardest days of the hike. We covered a lot, but as it started getting darker we realized we didnt have a place to fill up on water, and none of us had more then a liter left. (we had already filled up at a cemetery, but the heat combined with the heavy backpack and steep climbing made us sweat more then we were drinking) Finally when it was too dark in the woods to continue, we just unrolled our sleeping bags in the dirt on the side of the trail, to exhausted to set up tent or do anything else.

Thursday the 26th:
We didn't have much water, so when we started off in the morning we knew we'd all dehydrate if we didn't find water before it got real hot. We walked for a bit, met some old farmer who had a field off the trail, he told us if we turned off the trail a bit we'd find an army base. We got to army base, and filled up. Then we continued on.

We passed yiftach, and after a long trek through some real nice mountains and canyons, we got to an outdoor faucet, were we washed up and washed our very sweaty clothes. Then the second guy left. We met some frum Israeli guys doing the exact same hike we were. Heres a part of the trail thats not in the woods.
Got to alma at night. Found some soft grass, and went to sleep.

Friday the 27th:
We wanted to make it to meron before shabbos, but were pretty far away, so we got off the trail, went on to the road and made it there for shabbos. We only walked half a day. Got to meron, had a hot shower in the mikva there.

Shabbos the 28th:
Typical shabbos in meron. Crowded, lots of people camped out. Had a great time. Cops searced us for drugs at least twice. Singing bar yochai and dancing in a circle is never boring, no matter how many times you've done it. We set up a tent, but it was to hot inside, so most of us just slept outdoors. Theres a big hachnosas orchim tent, that supplies everyone with shabbos meals so we had plenty to eat. After shabbos everyone from our group left except for thing one and thing two.

Sunday the 29th:
We did the nachal amud section of the hike. Its real nice mountains and stuff, but some parts can be a little difficult. We did it on sunday, but on friday just a few days before a kid died doing that very hike.

What made it difficult was the lots of climbing, the long distance, and the lack of water until the end. We met a young couple doing the hike. He was carrying all her water though. While we were talking to him, some Israeli kids who were pretty inexperienced stumbled by, they had run out of water, we all donated some, and the guy yelled at them a bit, for being careless and putting their lives at risk. We went on for quite some time, when we a see a ranger running on the trail holding a back pack full of water. When I asked him if he had any extra, he stopped running and started pulling out some water. I told him not for me, but there were some kids back there who really needed. He said he knew and thats why he was running. After going a half hour further we saw a bunch of medics also hurrying up the trail looking for those kids. When he came to a clearing that was accessible to the road, we saw an ambulance and a Magen david adom van. There were also a bunch of jeeps, all part of an emergency rescue team. They had tons of water, and they wanted to make sure we were ok. I was real tired, and sat down in the shade of the truck. Immediately a guy came over and felt my pulse, then he decided I had to drink lots more water, and I may even need an Iv. When the medic checked me out he decided I was ok, but he made sure I drank three liters and had some salt. He also told me not to do anymore walking that day. We had another seven kilometers (about 4 and a half miles) of overgrown canyon to do, so when he wasnt looking, we ran off.

Then we met those frum israeli guys, their group was down to two, ours to three. We all went to chokek to spend the night. Normally its a chiloni settlement, but that week it happened to be rented out by frum people. Our Israeli friends got us food from the hotels kitchen staff, and a nice young family let us all use their shower. We even adopted a dog which we named Concrete. He followed us around and guarded our tent while we slept.

Monday the 30th:
We left the settlement, and started heading back to the trail.We took Concrete with us. He brought along a friend we named Mixmaster Mush.

Heres Concrete enjoying our tent.

Mixmaster's owner removed him after a couple of minutes though.
Concrete was tons of fun on the hike, he walked with us all the way to tiverya. When we went to the kever of R' Meir bal haness, the manager kicked him out, and we lost him. We spent our afternoon break swimming in the kinneret, just relaxing.

That night we went to moshav kinneret and slept in the park.

Tuesday the 31st:
We tried cutting through a farm, it took a lot longer then it should have. There was miles of choppy earth and all sorts of weird plants. We made it to Har Tabor. It was a long climb up. Halfway to the top pic.

We spent the night on the mountain, overlooking an Arab city. It was cool, windy and peaceful up there. Had a great sleep. Heres a pic of where we slept. (Thats Thing 1, who was a little slow in the waking up process)

Wednesday the 1st:
Went down the mountain to Dabbourye, an arab city. We met a friendly family that let us fill up water in their hose. Walked through dabbourye, continued on the trail. Most of that day was mountains, and more mountains.

We ended getting to Alon hagalil, which is a kibbutz that wasnt so far off the trail. (some times to get to civilization we had to walk a while off the trail, only to have to walk back the next morning) Theres a guy on the outskirts who set up a little area for shvil people. We had good grass, an outdoor shower (cold, but we really didnt notice) and bathroom.

Thursday the 2nd:
We wanted to get somewhere where there were frum jews for shabbos. We put on our cellphones to try calling someone who knew the area, when we all got voice messages from Thing 1's friends. His mom had been calling all of the them, going nuts. She heard a kid died on the trail, and for a few days she tried calling and his phone was off, and she was flipping out. (mothers. what can you do. I think its a psychological problem) He called her back, and she made him quit, right then and there. (something about not being able to sleep, and worrying. wtvr)So now its just me and Thing 2 left.We sent the tent back with Thing 1, cuz we never really used it much anyway. We decided to make it somewhere with kosher food for shabbos, we'd have to go fast. So we got on the road and walked fast. We didn't take any real break. (A couple of minutes to eat and daaven) We made it to Zichron yaakov thursday night. Its something like thirty, forty miles. Extremely tired, we got ourselves invited to the gabbai of one of the shuls house. There we had hot showers, a real bed, and good food. Mrs Gabbai even washed our stinky clothes for us. They offered us an invite for shabbos too, but we didn't want to waste a whole friday.

Friday the 3rd:
Walked to Chadera, didn't take that long. I went to a flower shop and found a random lubavitch guy buying flowers. Where else can you find a frum person on a friday afternoon? (next stop would've been the wine store)I told him we needed a place for shabbos and he invited us to his house.

Shabbos the 4th:
Had a very relaxing shabbos. He didnt have mattresses in such short notice, but we didnt mind the floor much. His wife made great food, and he learned inspiring torah with us.

Sunday the 5th:
This was the beaches section of the hike. We walked from chadera until we got to the beach. Then we walked down the coast, through every beach. We stopped briefly in Netanya for lunch. Heres some random beach pics.

We stopped for the night at a herzilya beach. Went to sleep on the grass at a hotel.

Monday the 6th:
Got woken up at a quarter to four by the sprinklers. Soaked, we couldnt fall back asleep, and continued on our way as soon as we ate breakfast and davened. We went real far, many hours, and stopped at a shopping center right past modi'in. Went to sleep in a parking lot of a store.

Tuesday the 7th:
Walked to yerushalayim. On the way there in the morning,when we got to the machsom of the highway that takes you to yerushalayim, the soldiers warned us that we'd be walking past all the dangerous arab settlements. (like ramallah) We didnt get killed, but we did hear gunshots most of the way along the highway. Then after six more hours we made it to Yerushalayim. I then walked the hour and a bit to my apartment. I refused to walk for two weeks and then take a bus, that would be like cutting off your hand just cuz it called you a silly name. Heres a pic of the final machsom into yerushalayim

Here are some random ani tapuach pics אני תפוח from the hike.

I've got lots more pics of the hike but it takes too long to upload, so just imagine I put em on.

The Hike

2007-07-24T09:06:00.000-05:00

I'm leaving in about five hours, as soon as tisha b'av is over. We're gonna take a bus up north, then start first thing tomorrow morning. We hope to make it to meron by the first shabbos. The whole hike probably isnt more then three hundred miles, since the plan right now is just to get to yerushalayim.(yeah, its sort of a compromise) Yesterday, I went for a walk with ten liters of water on my back, just to see how much it weighs (about 25 pounds) and met a secret service guy who did shvil yisrael before. He gave us all sorts of helpful pointers. Some of it we knew, like how much water we need to carry a day, or to bring along first aid and snakebite kits. Some of it we didnt know, like how it takes a lot longer then we think to do the trail. I hope it doesnt take too long, I have a relatives bar mitzva that I'd like to be at in two weeks on August ninth. We may just stop off on the way at the bar mitzva. I'm sure nobody would mind if a buncha sweaty guys who just walked two weeks,havent eaten, drunk,showered or slept much, pop in for a visit.
I'm gonna try to get to a computer and update sometime in middle of the hike. If I don't and you happen to be checking for an update and you see there isn't yet, instead of your time going to waste you can just click on my ad on the side, at least once. Thanks.
If I do die on this hike, the one thing that I have to say is that I suspect that the secret ingredient in Dougies buffalo wings is pineapple. There, let that be known. I didnt die with my suspicions unsaid.

Finally

2007-07-23T17:37:00.000-05:00

After all these years I've finished the Harry Potter series. I will not ruin it for those of you who didn't read it cuz I know I wouldnt appreciate if someone ruined the ending for me. (I will say it was an awesome book, and the ending she chose was an ending that I had thought of as a possibility, after studying the 6th book a couple of times, and thinking how she would want to end it.) I had to download a copy of the book, cuz my book is under the control of my little brother who is reading it now in America, and till it gets to Israel would be way to long to wait.
Clap clap clap. J.k Rowling if you're reading this (I know you are, theres no way you dont read this blog. Everybody does. I hear the president of the U.S has it as him homepage) I'd like to congratulate you on a job well done.

Quality or Quantity

2007-07-20T05:21:00.000-05:00

Thats the big debate right now. Even bigger then the snape good/bad dabate, is the debate of quality or quantity. The quality guys say we should take the hike slow, enjoy the scenery, take pics, have fun. Regardless if we don't finish the whole country. The quantity guys say we should finish the whole country, and mega fooey to those who wanna take it slow. I'm not sure yet which one I would rather. Right now we have ten or eleven guys who are coming along. Most of them are planning on just coming along for the first week. If the quality people win the debate we may just end up doing until Jerusalem. Thats only half the country. The truth is whatever we do I'm cool with, cuz its fun whatever it is.

Shvil Yisrael

2007-07-15T16:19:00.000-05:00

Today I did some shopping. We still have lots to prepare before we set off on our hike. We still haven't bought maps, or other important stuff. Shvil yisrael is a hike that goes from the northernmost tip of Israel, to the southernmost. Its about 600 miles long, and its supposed to take more then a month. We intend to complete it in a little more then two weeks. The plan is to walk the entire day, and try to cover at least thirty miles a day. Its gonna be fun. Its probably gonna be hard too. Especially in the desert. The entire second half of Israel, all the way to Eilat is desert, and theres only four places to refill water throughout the whole desert.
We were gonna leave a while back, but not all my friends who were coming were able to fit it into their schedule. Therefore we're gonna leave right after Tisha Be'av. Hopefully there won't be any wars this summer. Otherwise we would have to sneak around soldiers and barricades to get around. (not to mention rockets and bombs, cuz then people get nervous). Since I'm gonna be carrying a minimum of ten liters of water a day, I'm not gonna have room for much else. So I'm gonna have to be selective in what I pack. A camera is probably important, as is a tent and sleeping bag.Lets see, Food Ok..... Uh.. Toilet paper.. What else? Maybe a bar of soap. Its pretty useful, for brushing teeth and cleaning everything. Theres got to be more, I'm sure I'm forgetting something. I'll have lots of time to get ready, we're not leaving for another nine days. Till then theres plenty to do.

Children Of Destiny

2007-07-12T07:44:00.001-05:00

This is Pierre Jr The Termite Hunter And Killer. He's one of the children of the late Pierre. His job is to complete the job his father started, and if he dies doing it, his childrens job, and if they die before they complete the glorious task, their childrens job. (I believe you get the idea by now, so I'm not writing out the next century of Pierre Dynasty now.) The termites are increasing in number and before each shower we have to crunch a bunch off the wall (dont worry I wash my hand after) just to make room to hang a towel.Hopefully his descendants are up to the task and can fill the big web that their father left. Hopefully the termites wont try a coup again. Last night the spider family was disturbed by a giant roach in the bathroom. I wanted to crunch a cockroach with my hand, just to see if I could. I could. Just in case you were wondering. If you werent wondering, you now know some trivia that may help you win a free trip to Alaska, or a new washing machine, on a game show. You know that it is possible, and that its been done. For more interesting trivia that may help you one day, you should be aware that the emperor penguin can live up to 50 years, which is like 3 or 4 times as much as a regular penguin, and weighs between 80-90 pounds.

Revenge Of the Termites

2007-07-10T11:17:00.000-05:00

Alas, after a brief but pleasant stay in my bathroom Pierre has died. Although he only lived with us for a couple of weeks, he touched every single one of our hearts. He was a great spider, a noble spider, who didn't only care about himself. He gave us all something to do while in the bathroom, and for that we are eternally grateful. Oh, I already miss him, the way he used to climb around on his web looking innocent, until an insect would happen to bump into it, and then he'd swoop down and suck its innards. The way he would spend hours, motionless, as if to say "what next? For what purpose am I alive? Who will remember me when i die?" Well we all will, Pierre. You left us all with a legacy (and a bunch of your adorable little children)and a web full of decaying termites. May you rest in peace in your watery grave, and bless your children to follow in the termite chomping footsteps of their father. Amen.

Pierre

2007-07-08T06:28:00.000-05:00

This is Pierre The French Cardiovascular Spider. Call him Pierre for short. He lives in my bathroom. He eats the termites and ants that used to live in my bathroom. (We were gonna name him pierre the french carnivorous spider, but we decided that cardiovascular has more syllables and sounded a lot more official of a title) The ants and termites were very entertaining to watch, scurrying around on the floor and walls, doing nothing other then scurrying. Now that Pierre has moved in we get to watch him trap them in his web and jump out on them and eat them. We hope Pierre has lots of babies cuz the termites have much more in number and we don't want them to gang up on poor little pierre.
This shabbos I stayed at a hospital. They needed volunteers so I went and had a great time. (even though I became the official wheelchair carrier up and down steps for some reason)It was awesome running up and down the hallway announcing "code blue code blue Dr doodle to emergency room dr doodle to the emergency room".

Soap

2007-07-05T10:05:00.001-05:00

Theres all sorts of cleaning products that we use for all different things. Since they all have the same purpose- to clean things, it makes sense to assume that all the different products are interchangeable.(Makes sense means to me. If you feel otherwise feel free to send a RPG toward my front door. Its the red one. Says bruchim habaim on it.Might have some scorch marks from the last RPG) I just tested this with a bar of soap. First I used it as shampoo and it worked pretty well. Then I tried it as toothpaste. It frothed up nicely and didnt taste that bad. (surprise surprise, although it could be the flavors of bars of soap I was using were better then others.) My mouth felt clean and soap scented. Once you get over the fact that its not minty its pretty cool. Then I tried it on clothes and it cleaned my clothes just as good as detergent. For a floor cleaner a bar of soap works also. Basically its all a conspiracy to get you to buy a whole shopping list of different products that you don't really need. (ok maybe toothpaste. I do like the minty taste better.)

I'm Tagged

2007-06-30T15:01:00.000-05:00

Not a meme, or a game of duck duck goose, but an eight fact about yourself game. Although theres way to much to say and I can't pinpoint 8 facts or habits, I'm gonna just pick stuff and if you don't like it then you can read my wiki pages for more info. (whenever someone decides to write one. Probably when I become rich and famous, or bump off someone rich and famous)I'm honored to be tagged by jewmaican.I'm gonna try to pick stuff that isn't so well known. First heres the rules.
1) Each player lists 8 facts/habits about themselves.
2) The rules of the game are posted at the beginning before those facts/habits are listed.
3) At the end of the post, the player then tags 8 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog.
Ok heres eight facts/habits.
1)First of all (this is like really important so pay attention) despite what the rest of the world thinks, I disagree and think that Family guy is not random at all. It actually makes tons of sense and still manages to be funny.
2)I was born in Mount Sinai hospital (in NYC)on July 3rd 1985.
2)I enjoy sitting around doing nothing just as much as I enjoy bouncing around doing everything. (Everything is fun,doing Nothing and doing Something!)
2)I have a hard time with simple math(anything more complex then 1+1 and my brain starts the self destruct countdown), and I praise the holy lord every day for the invention of calculators on cellphones.
2)I recently discovered that a long lost relative of mine is a slightly psycho cult leader, who talks to the dead and does all sorts of freaky rituals. This doesnt surprise me in the slightest, cuz most of my relatives are cracked.
2)Although I consider any fear or phobia a sign of weakness, I used to have a minor fear of heights. (After confronting it and shooting it in the head with a high caliber hand gun, I'm now way over it)
2)I've always wanted a cat but never ended up getting one.
2)My music taste ranges from death metal to classical and everything in between.
That should cover it.Any questions? Now I tag calvin, esser agaroth, frum house ,k-rebbe,life in israel, shorty, social worker, teddy douglas.

Vacation

2007-06-28T15:37:00.000-05:00

Just got back, spent the last few days in eilat. It was time for a vacation and I took one. (having fun all the time can be tiring too) It was extremely hot and I enjoyed roasting in the 115-120 degree range weather. Here are some pics

I wanted to take pics of scuba diving, but my camera wasnt waterproof. Theres lots of cool stuff underwater. (like colorful fish, coral, and all that spiky and spongy stuff on the floor, and anchors from ships that didnt make it, and ships that didnt make it, so close yet just didnt make it, poor souls) So instead of posting a pic of me in a wetsuit and goggles I'm gonna post a pic of a friend of mine going down hard head first off his water skis. (Definitely the more humorous choice. Although I found a little nemo who was really cute and deserved to have his pic taken.)

Almost Over

2007-06-21T07:24:00.000-05:00

The riots are going nicely. A little quieter then last time, but exciting nonetheless. Last night I ran around, climbed, jumped, fell, stepped on nails, swung on barbed wire, hung on splintering wood, and survived, but still couldn't get clear pics. Even with a flash, pictures don't come out clearly at night. Heres a pic of a water cannon aiming right at me. (I snapped and then found myself waterlogged and a few blocks down.... Just kidding. They had it pointed at me for a while and then decided some others throwing the molotov cocktails as more of a threat then me, and blasted them instead.)

I took a buncha pics but not so clear. Here are some random clearerer (I love making up words, try it someday) pics I took yesterday. (using the blessing of g-d called sunlight. Oh the glorious shine and warmth.)
I climbed to the tip of the highest building in the old city.

All over again

2007-06-17T06:11:00.000-05:00

The riots are in full swing. Last night everyone enjoyed lots of action. It was fun to look around yeshiva this morning and see who was sporting a black eye, bruised limbs or who's seat was empty. (read: carted off to jail) Lots of people were hurt and lots of excitement occurred, unfortunately I missed most of it cuz I didnt get back after shabbos till really late. (yes shabbos was awesome, thanks for asking,we all got roasted on the beach a whole friday, and thoroughly enjoyed hanging with tons of cool relatives)While water cannons smashed random peoples windows, and yassems beat up random innocent people, I was missing all the action having a fun time. I'm not so worried since there should be plenty of more riots for me to join. (or if all else fails I can start my own. Its easier then most people think.)
Today (while walking towards my apartment) I tried a move (I saw it in a free running vid) that involves running toward a moving car and jumping up and running over it from front to back. When I did it the guy wasnt too happy, and immediately started going real fast and swerving and not letting me jump off. I hung on for a buncha blocks and when he got to my block I jumped off. Me and my parkour friends cant wait for riots tonight, we're gonna actually have people chasing us now, while we climb and jump over buildings. Its a great way to work on our speed.

Riots & Bandaids

2007-06-14T06:37:00.000-05:00

Its happening again. Hafganot. You can already smell the burning garbage, and you can almost hear the sounds of batons crunching people on the skull. Another parade is on the way and people are pissed. (and who can turn down an opportunity to riot)I wonder how skilled the riot police are at scaling walls and jumping across rooftops. I highly doubt that I'll be caught this time. (last time I wasnt caught either but that was because of a combination of luck, speed, a lead pipe, and lots of cinder blocks.)Time will tell.
In other rather exciting news, I have discovered something cool about band-aids. While peeling off the paper that surrounds the band-aid in a dark room (late one night after free running, and pulling a large piece of glass out of my hand)I noticed that the paper wrapper sparks while pulling it apart. (really! try it yourself) At first I thought it was a fluke but then I tried it a bunch of times and saw it each time it happened. It could be it was only on sesame street band-aids. I'm gonna have to investigate other varieties as well.
Tonight I'm heading to the beach and staying nearby until after shabbos. I'm going with a few cousins and staying by relatives. I've already made lots of progress in the relatives list. Pretty soon I may even get it down to just a few. I've got lots of real cool relatives. (well obviously, they're related to me)

Army

2007-06-11T06:43:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I joined a program they had for Americans to train with the israeli special forces for a day.We went to an army base in an undisclosed location. It was lots of fun (especially if your idea of fun is to walk through the hot desert carrying a stretcher loaded with sand bags)We werent allowed to take pictures of certain things because of a lot of it being classified. I took pics but I'm not stupid enough to post them online. I wouldn't want to put the soldiers who protect us lives in danger. The special forces work real hard and it was great to experience their day. We got trained in shooting all different types of guns. We also sweated so much we almost passed out(although they did make us drink lots of water.)It was awesome to jog around wearing a bullet proof vest and lots of other heavy equipment (and even awesomer to do pushups in them)Heres a pic of an armored truck the army uses.

Heres the inside.

One of the guns we shot was the negev. Its a big machine gun on a tripod, that shoots lots of bullets very fast and powerfully. (I dont remember exactly how many but lets just say it would hurt a little if you were accidentally standing on the wrong side)Heres a pic of me shooting it. (when I had it on semi automatic I was dead accurate at 100 meters. When I had it on full auto I wasnt as good, cuz its got much more recoil then the m-16.)

Heres a pic of the m-4 with grenade launcher.(the clips were in my vest)

This is a view through a scope. (We didnt get scopes to shoot at the range)

Pics and Stuff

2007-06-07T17:43:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I went to yad vashem. They are really strict about taking pictures. (Strict as in not letting you take them.They can be pretty menacing with pictures of horrible atrocities and nazi propaganda all over the place)Here are a couple of pics
Some flags. (sorry the lighting sucked)

A little girls hair.

Some Zyklon B. (If you don't know what that is, its the stuff they used in the gas chambers)

Some pics of victims.

Today I went to the Israel museum. They are also very strict about photos and have a lot more guards. Heres some pics.
Some art.

The beis hamikdash.

Dead sea scrolls. (ye most of my pics are unclear. thats just the way its gonna be)

A pair of feet. (no it wasnt an exhibit)

This shabbos I'm heading to netanya. For sunday I'm joining the IDF. Thats all for now. More later.

On the rooftops of Jerusalem

2007-06-03T07:09:00.001-05:00

I havent had a chance to update in a while. I've been busy doing various things that keep me busy. One of them is Parkour. Its tons of fun to climb and jump on buildings. I havent sustained any serious injuries yet, and besides for one time when I accidentally crashed a foot through someones roof (when running on it.it was a weak roof. I didnt mean to) I havent broken anything. Heres some pics of views from on top of buildings.

I don't have any videos of us because we don't have a video camera, and even if we had a camera we would need someone who can operate the camera with one hand while dangling four stories in the air with the other. So far we havent had any applicants for the job.
Today someone tried calling the cops again. (I guess people get nervous when theres people climbing up their buildings and jumping on their roofs) We've never hung around long enough for the cops to arrive (the point of the sport is to keep moving. fast) but I would love to see the cops trying to keep up with us. Theres no way anyone can go faster then someone traveling over rooftops, especially in a hood like mine.

Stuff, no clocks

2007-05-20T11:20:00.000-05:00

I havent updated in a couple of days cuz I havent had the time. On Thursday, (or maybe Wednesday, I really dont remember which. The day it poured. Sometime last week.) I had a great soccer game against a whole team of little kids. They were kicking a ball around in the street when I happened to be passing by, and I had to join. After a long tiring game, full of time outs("rechev!" - which means flatten yourself against the wall as the car whizzes by your nose, unless you don't wanna, which in that case you can just let the car run you over. They arent so picky in this part of the world) the game was called off on the account of flood watches(some drizzle. but it looked like menacing drizzle) and thunder in the distance. I lost but I managed to score 5 goals. (Since I was playing alone I had to be my own goalie, defense and offense) Then it started really raining. I put on a bathing suit and went dancing in the rain. (naked rain dancing is never recommended in certain parts of the world where they very often have heavy stones, short tempers,and a low tolerance for that sorta thing.) Lots of people followed suit and some friends got hold (No I have no clue how and dont wanna know from where) of a boat and rowed down one of the big flooded streets in the area.
Sometime that day(or maybe the next day. It might've been thursday, but I refuse to keep track of days anymore, its enough that I remember what year we're in, and my date of birth) I decided to get into free running. (also known as parkour. Its an extreme sport that involves running, jumping, climbing and other moves people gave all sorts of cool names to like 'kong' or 'tic-tac' . If you never heard of it do search for it on youtube, and watch some parkour vids.Ok? now stop looking at me like that. Its popular all over the world, so I'm not coming up with anything new here.)My neighborhood's buildings are perfect to climb on.
Shabbos(I know it was shabbos because of the whole 'no driving, or putting on lights' thing. And because of shabbos food. I'm smart like that.) I was in Modiin.(not moshav, the city modiin) Nice place, and I had an awesome time. I went to a family that I met in meron who's tent was right next to ours.
Sunday (definitely sunday, cuz its today, and since tommorow is monday, I used a little of my brilliant deductive reasoning that helped me so many times in the past, to deduce that today is sunday)I burnt down a lawn. After, I went to dor yesharim. Thats an organization that takes your blood and tests it (my blood failed in the algebra section.) Its very cool to watch your blood pour out into little tubes. (not as a past time, but if you're doing it anyway,check it out)
Interestingly, since my last two posts were about dying, my google ad on the side which 'reads' my blog (its crazy. these machines do everything. Pretty soon they're gonna be able to type your blog for you too) has been advertising for life insurance and name-a-star-after-a-dead-loved-one companies. I wonder what theyll advertise for this time.

On clocks and stuff

2007-05-15T06:27:00.000-05:00

Yesterday a friend of mine called to tell me he was engaged. He's very young (younger then me)and it was really shocking. Scary actually. It makes you realize that no one is safe. It can happen to anyone, regardless of age or race or color. Someone could be in perfect health one second, minding his own business and all of a sudden two weeks later he's having a vort. Our existence is a lot more fragile then we believe. Anyway, the vort was nice. (It had alcohol. Thats what counts)
On the subject of death,(people have some sort of problem discussing it in the first place, dismissing such talk as being too 'morbid')well, death is great. At least compared to the alternative- not dying. Imagine if you didn't die. Horrible, no? For example (to illustrate my point for those who need things drawn out for them. Get it? Illustrate- draw. A pun. ho ho ho. You'd think they outlawed those things years ago along with cocaine, but then comes along someone like me and just spits one out, with total wantonness, and bursts your little bubble about anti-pun laws. Oh well. Theres one in every crowd. What can you do? Now what was I saying? right, for example) take a clock. (no don't take a clock, put it right back were you got it. now straighten it. ok. a little more to the left. ok good.)On a clock is a second hand. It ticks along every second. Just goes and goes. Tick tock tick tock. (although it doesnt really make a tick tock noise, its more like ti tu, for the sake of this example we're gonna stick with it)The poor second hand has a hard life. He's (can be a she but in this particular clock its a he. I dont want any complaints from the equal clock hand rights society. Ok? )gotta always keep on moving every second, never getting bored of going round and round. ("aww man, is that a 12 again? I just saw one of those, last time around") But if you think his life is rough, check out the minute hand. His is even worse. He's gotta do the same rotations, but slower. So he spends more time thinking "3....3....3.....3....3" until eventually he gets to go "ok finally. 4.....4....4....." But that life can be worse. What about the hour hand. He gets stuck for hours on each number, and he's gotta make the same eternal rotations the rest of them do. Poor guys, right? Now consider the battery. He just sits in the back of the clock for a while. He's making the whole clock go. Granted he's gotta work hard, and keep his electricity running, but he has the satisfaction of making everything just keep on going. Day after day. Until he dies. Then he has completed his purpose, enabled the timepiece to be on time. (As a result of that, lots of people suceeded in not getting themselves fired, or pissing off their spouses.)He gets an honorable burial and goes off to spend his afterlife in his happy place. (wherever good dead batteries go. Wherever it is, its gonna have to be in a different landfill then the regular trash. Apparently lawmakers were worried about battery acid leaking onto regular garbage and hurting it a little) Meanwhile back at the clock, a different, younger,and fresher battery has replaced him and is putting all he can into the clock. Second, Minute and Hour are still making their rounds, grumbling to themselves, "Will this ever end?"

Buttered Bread

2007-05-13T08:27:00.000-05:00

Its quite common to say that bread always lands on the buttered side. The people who say it can't know that for sure, cuz they arent around every time someone drops a buttered slice of bread. I decided to make an experiment to see if it would at least happen when I try it. So I buttered a slice of bread and flipped it into the air ten times. It landed (with a sploosh noise) on the buttered side nine out of ten times. Which disproves the whole "it always lands on the buttered side" theory. However it did prove that it happens more often then not. I was wondering what causes it. First I figured that it must be gravity that pulls the heavier side with the butter downward and it lands that way. Then I realized it cant be gravity, cuz butter (even if it would be a couple of pounds of butter) wouldn't change the weight of the bread, it'd still have the same weight and it'd fall on whichever side is on the bottom when it hits the ground. Then I figured it must be that when butter is placed on bread the bread on the side without the butter absorbs some sort of magnetism from the butter and it pushes itself down on top of the buttered side. Therefore, it would be reasonable to assume that if you would butter bread on both sides it would hover indefinitely (or at least until the butter falls off, or gets eaten by passing birds)in the air. I havent tested this theory out yet, but I'l let you know the results when I do.

Death Pics

2007-05-10T08:21:00.000-05:00

The other day I went to the cemetery. Just to do a favor for someone. He needed a minyan for a yahrtzeit or something. Heres some pics that I took that I think are nice.

I have discovered that although blogger makes the pics small you no longer have to use your imagination to imaging what the picture looks like with all the detail!You can click on it to see it full size. And I figured this out all on my own!

Advertising

2007-05-09T06:47:00.000-05:00

In case you havent noticed, I have installed ads. Or rather ad. I wanted to do a bunch, but for two very important reasons I didn't. Reason number one is I couldn't for the life of me figure out how to. I was just clicking on different random stuff until I got lucky with the first one. Reason number two is that I figured people would get overwhelmed with choices and out of frustration just chuck their computers out the window (or worse click on none of the choices)Therefore there is only one little ad.
Theres a click registerer (a word I created here to mean: something that registers er)that tells me that there are a total of four clicks. One of them was me. (although I clicked "I agree" when they asked me if I agree not to click on my own ads, I saw something that interested me and my schizo self felt I was being advertised to)The other clicks was from me asking others to click ("oooh, check it out, if you click on that word thing, made out of letters, the computer prints out free rolling paper and a gift certificate to your local drug dealer" that worked on 3 people apparently) Basically ever since those few clicks, no one else has clicked. ("hey dude, theres no rolling paper here, not even a little, thats not cool. I think I'm gonna go sniff the printer ink") I'm not gonna beg, (not yet. If no one clicks I may have to get down on my knees, clasping my hands together, with a sprig of parsley in each ear, and howl like a wolf caught in a bear trap on the train tracks at rush hour) (For those of you with adblock, the mere fact that you have it shows that you are computer savvy enough download the program and actually figure out how to use it. Therefore its understandable to assume that you are also able to exclude my blog from the program and enable the ad to be seen) but why wouldnt you? Its not a really big deal, all you gotta do is while you're reading these words (and I KNOW you're reading them cuz right now you're reading this. Cool, huh? "aaah get out of my head!" tee hee)move your mouse hand to your mouse, then move your mouse over to the tiop right corner and click. (your hand eye coordination does not have to exceed 'can tie own shoes' level to accomplish this simple task.) This can be repeated every time you click on this site, or every time you happen to have a second to spare. (if you are the kind of person with never a split second to spare, I would like to take this opportunity to inform your boss that I have caught you breathing on the job when not during an official coffee break and when you are fired you'll have all the time you need)Thank you. and Baie dankie, Shukran,Toda,Muhuway su,Bakhshish,Doh je,Zikomo,Durdaladawhy, Lac jak, Xisrigidisddhinh, Daarim,Ic þancas do, Abumgang, Merci,Tashakkur, Kiitos, Mahalo, Shukriya, Gum xia, Köszi, Go raibh maith agaibh, Arigato, Rahmet, Asanteni, Komapsumnida, Gracias, Gratias tibi ago, Achiu, Dank, Spasibo, Natejchiri.

Lag B'omer

2007-05-06T07:44:00.000-05:00

Shabbos was amazing. Lag Biomer in Meron is awesome. Thursday we camped in Tiveria next to the kinneret. Friday we went to amuka, tzfat and then to meron. It was unbelievable how many people were there over shabbos. There were tents in every spare patch of ground, and tentless people sleeping between tents on the ground. This is were we parked our tent.

This is a picture of the faucets they had to dispense hot and cold drinks. They obviously assume everyone can read hebrew. I feel bad for the guy who tried to wash a stain off his shirt and used the fruit punch knob.

The front entrance to the kever of R' Shimon bar yochai.

a buncha people inside.(before lag b'omer, before the rush)

more

the fire (nobody was roasting marshmallows)

a random pic

Famous

2007-05-03T07:08:00.000-05:00

Me. I'm famous. Not famous like the guy who jumped head first off a tall building and lived long enough to send in the video to guinness book of world records. Not even as famous as the guy who won the annual hot dog eating contest. (who isnt really so famous, I'l prove it. Whats his name? See? Toldya. Not really so famous. But at least hes known as the guy who won the annual hot dog eating contest.And the nurses in the stomach pumping wing are definitely good pals with the regulars.)I'm on youtube. I put on a short video clip, just to see if I can do it. (in case you were wondering, I can and it wasnt even that complicated! I did it all myself and didnt have to count anything on my fingers or use a calculator. I'm so proud of me.) It was a short clip starring me. (Now I'm nominated in the best actor, best supporting actress, and best job holding camera without sneezing, scratching, or in anyways moving while holding camera, categories.)Anyway it turns out that lots of people started forwarding it and now its got gazillions of views. Random people have came over to me and asked if it was me doing such stupid things on film. (to which I replied by pulling out a coin on a string, waving it back and forth in front of their eyes saying 'you are getting sleepy, very sleepy, you dont remember anything about a video,when you wake up you will think you are a potato doing a back flip. when you land youll go sploosh and then be swept up by an old lady who enjoys potato kugel, and pours eggs and oil all over you and slides you into the oven for 45 minutes on 350.' *snap) Nobody asked me for my autograph (but thats because everyone knows that potatoes cant talk, splooshed or unsplooshed) but I still feel famous.
This sunday is lag biomer. Therefore I'm going to be headed to meron with a tent. I'm leaving in an hour and we're gonna be camping out for the next couple of days.
Its supposed to be a real fun party. I'l let you know. (or if I lean to close to a fire to pick up a fallen marshmallow and I fall in, I unfortunately wont be able to update, so youre gonna have to pretend I did if I do, thanks for your cooperation)

Milk mustaches

2007-04-30T13:29:00.000-05:00

Today I have discovered yet another great thing about sefira beards. (I seem to do that every sfira, complain about how much I cant stand my beard, how I wanna cut it off and throw it off a very high creaky bridge right this second, but go on to say one wonderful thing that its good for) Last time it was the fact that you can store food in it for later when you get hungry, and the fact that it can be used as a towel. This time its something even cooler- milk mustaches.
Its always annoying when you try to make an ad of yourself doing something really crazy while wearing a milk mustache, and wearing a 'got milk?' sign. The milk fades away about a quarter of a second after you drink it. Try getting a picture of that (while hanging upside down off an electric wire. And yes I know the real ads dont use milk, but thats not authentic so you wont catch me doing something as sneaky and underhanded as that)Now thanks to sfira beard the milk mustache stays on a lot longer. It gives the added couple of seconds that you need to take the picture real fast before the fire department (or worse, the guy whos motorcycle you just stole) can catch you.

Lawsuit

2007-04-26T07:00:00.000-05:00

The State of Israel is suing halu taiman. Halu taiman is a shwarma joint in Jerusalem, reputed to have the best shwarma on this side of the kotel. While this may or may not be true, the lawsuit is (according to my various well placed sources, who may or may not be very high and eating mixtures of live and dead spiders)definitely happening. This has relevance because besides for having good shwarma, the first 10 thousand tapuach stickers had written on the bottom "sponsored by halu taiman". The goverment is suing because tapuachs are all over federal property. Wherever there is federal property(and where there isnt) there is a buncha cute little stickers (or spray paint)claiming that this traffic light thinks he's an apple, and insists that his state of confusion is sponsored by halu taiman.
If you ask me my opinion (never recommended unless you got lotsa time on your hands, and arent freaked out by pure insanity) the lawsuit doesnt have a chance. Besides for claiming that they never even sponsored it (not gonna comment on the validity of such a claim. I still like schwarma) they can easily point out in court that if they give out promotional bumper stickers its not their fault that a group of total madmen kidnapped the truckload when their backs were turned (or just received complimentary stickers with their laffa, whichever the lawyers think will work) and stuck them over every spare inch of civilization worldwide. Either way I dont think the governemnt can possibly think they're gonna win, I wonder what their objective is.

An update

2007-04-24T07:59:00.000-05:00

Cuz if I didnt I would probably wake up dead one morning with an assassins bullet lodged in my cranium.

Lots happening and not much time to talk. Israel is just out of control awesome. Today is yom hatzmaot. Thats the july 4th of Israel except its not on july 4th. Its not even in july. The weather is though. After getting snowed on a whole month in america, its great to finally have some sun and sky and sweat.
Here are some pics of a tank with an identity crisis.

אני תפוח Ani tapuach

Back

2007-04-19T12:47:00.000-05:00

In Israel finally. Its great to be back. Spent the whole flight drinking with my catholic seatmate. After answering all his questions I was suddenly promoted to official spokesperson for all the jews on the plane. Every old lady seemed to feel that I'm the person to ask her judaism questions to. Its not like there werent any other jews. (I noticed cuz by the minyanim there were millions of 'em. And because of the screaming baby syndrome, oh yeah and cuz I can smell a jew a mile a way. Theyre the ones who wear the hats and cover their hair)

Homeward Bound

2007-04-15T13:56:00.000-05:00

Heading back to Israel in three days. I have decided that if humans were created to pack before traveling they would be born with a little duffel and carry-on. Therefore I just won't. (the trick is never to UNpack in the first place. In the last 8 years or so of always traveling Ive lived partly out of my suitcase, and partly in my suitcase. Its easy just cut air holes and you're good to go)

In regard to the now worldwide tapuach campaign, there seems to be some confusion. I will explain but listen up cuz I'm only gonna say this once (now that should really confuse everyone, I'm typing not saying and you can read this as many times as you like, I wont stop you. Go. Read this a couple of thousand times. Not only will you be wasting lots of time, and giving yourself and your shrink a double migraine, you will also not be getting this any clearer. ) The stickers have nothing,I repeat (and for those of you re re re re re re reading this YOU repeat) nothing to do with the story. That was just how the song got composed. Only after the song was composed did the movement get started.(and after the code in davinci code was revealed wink wink) Thankyou for your time.

The New Blog

2007-04-11T14:01:00.000-05:00

This is it. Welcome.
I hope they dont quit on me too, or I may have to do something drastic.Its great to have a blog that isnt gonna self destruct.Or that makes you do math problems before comenting. (for those of you who miss the math heres one for old times sake. 72 1/2 times 8.3. enjoy)
Pesach was wonderful. I cant wait to head back to Israel in week. over and out for now.

Ok Ok

2007-04-11T13:22:00.000-05:00

You talked me into it. I'l update.

posted Sunday, 1 April 2007

Today I decided my room has to be cleaned for pesach. (or it was decided for me by some very unhappy parental units) Therefore I will (bli neder) be cleaning my room sometime today/tonight instead of waiting for the last minute (as in 3 minutes before shkia on erev pesach) like I usually do.

The tapuach campaign has spread all over the globe. There are tapuch stickers in all sorts of exciting countries. (if you ever make it to the red light district in amsterdam, you will see tapuach stickers.) We just need volunteers to get to the moon, and we'll have most of our galaxy covered.

Back

2007-04-11T13:15:00.000-05:00

posted Sunday, 25 March 2007

Just spent a couple of days in Niagra falls and Toronto. Relaxed. Had fun. Put up tapuach stickers. The North american phase of the tapuch campaign is almost complete.

Today I considered cleaning my room for pesach. Then I laughed maniacally. Then I considered putting tapuach stickers on the moon and found that just as funny but not as far fetched. I'm in the process of transferring so have no fear. The new blog will be here soon.

Dont Worry

2007-04-11T12:56:00.000-05:00

Cuz worrying never did anybody any good. I promise.

posted Monday, 19 March 2007

I'm alive. Sorry about the long time no update. I got home late thursday night.(Which is slightly odd because I left monday night.) I wasnt arrested, although I did put a bunch of tapuach stickers around Germany. I also put on a show for about a hundred Indians (red dots and all) in the airport while they waited for their flight. (its the fourth continent I did cartwheels in) When I finally made it home I was greeted by a wonderful snowstorm. Sometime tonight we're gonna start the north american phase of the tapuach campaign. Whatever we missed so far in the world conquest. Should be easy. (I dont care how hard movies make it look, they're all morons)

Waiting

2007-04-11T12:54:00.000-05:00

thats me

posted Tuesday, 13 March 2007

Im right now in the airport. Waiting. Its fun to wait. Theres all sorts of other people waiting with you. Some of them are impatient. Some are reading. Some are sitting with their heads in their hands as if they just lost their luggage. (Speaking of luggage I hope security doesnt go through my suitcases. Besides for the other contraband I have a license plate from a arab bus. A friend stole it when he and some guys trashed an arab village for no reason. I hope they dont confiscate it.) The one thing we all have in common is that we're waiting. (actually that chinese guy at the far end of this row is wearing a shirt, I'm also wearing a shirt. So we have lots in common. I think I'm gonna go over and say hi.) I wish I had my roller blades. These long smooth floors they have here are perfect. Next time I'l try to remember. (no not the same way I said I was gonna bring a jumprope and a frisbee, this time I'm gonna tie something around my finger or something.) Stangely this whole flight seems to be made up of old people. I wonder if theres a convention somewhere. An old person convention. For old people. With sunglasses. At four in the morning. Indoors. And with lots of rustly plastic bags. That rustle. When you rustle them. I wonder. It would probably be a real fun convention to visit. For a couple of minutes. Then when you're done laughing, run real fast out of there. Or not so fast. Depending on canes being present or not. And if you like getting hit on the head with rustly plastic bags full of rotten cabbage, (or whatever else they managed to stick in there) Some people actually enjoy that sort of thing. But not with cabbage, thats not so common. Its more common with avacadoes. I dont know why.

Ok An Update

2007-04-11T12:49:00.000-05:00

cuz i wanna, and i will, wtvr the odds

posted Tuesday, 13 March 2007

Im leaving Israel in a couple of hours. I still havent packed. I havent done a lot of things. Im gonna stop over in Germany. Should be fun. I'm gonna be alone with my camera and lots of tapuach stickers. Theres no way I'm gonna make my flight to NY. I should probably buy some matza. Just in case I get stuck for pesach. (Or when I get stuck. the chances of me making my flight are those of a sushi chef, wrapped in seaweed, covered in wasabi and thrown out of a 94th floor window, with hot metal chopsticks thrust in between his toes, of surviving) I heard the German police arent so friendly either. Lets hope they can't outrun me , or I'm gonna be there for shavuos also.

Not Updating

2007-04-11T12:46:00.000-05:00

nope. this isnt an update. This is a fignewton of your imagination

posted Sunday, 11 March 2007

I wanna update, but since I'm going to have to copy and paste it all to a new blog, I dont wanna. I started a new blog and started the slow process of redoing it all. I'l let y'all know when its done. If it takes too long, I may just be forced to update on this site-of-annoying-math-problems.

The Bloggg

2007-04-11T12:44:00.001-05:00

doesnt it look cooler with 3 g's?

posted Thursday, 8 March 2007

This blog will self destruct in 10 seconds. You do not have time to run. If you feel bad for your mouse you have enough time to throw it out the window. Make sure to unplug it first.Ok ok, sit down. Wipe that panicked look off your face. I'm sorta kidding. Nothings gonna blow. At least not for a couple of months. It will delete itself at the end of the year. Dont worry, I'l let you know where I'm moving to. I also think thats the reason it wasnt letting anyone comment. (We'll see if comments work this entry. If it doesnt, chuck your mouse out the window or something)

I spent today at the beach. Relaxed. Built a huge sand castle. With a nice moat and all sorts of wonderful designs. Everyone stopped to take pics. You'd think they'd never seen a sand castle before. I only have a couple of days left till I go to America. So I'm chilling out, and assuming my stuff will just pack itself. (Hmm, I dont think I unpacked in the first place.) In other news the j key just popped off my keyboard. But if I push my finger in the empty slot it made I can still get the letter. It looks sorta like a knocked out tooth gap. I hope it can be fixed, or I'm gonna have to memorize where the j key was everytime I wanna push it.

Purim

2007-04-11T12:43:00.001-05:00

Long gone. like ancient history, covered in dust, creaking. even the spiders died of old age.

posted Tuesday, 6 March 2007

Purim is over. It was an amazing purim. The longest purim I ever experienced. About 15 days long. Each day was awesome.Its weird that its finally over. Like why all of a sudden? Nobody minded starting Rosh chodesh, why would yesterday be the last day? I spent the last night of purim passed out in a strangers house, and walked back this morning wearing my costume. People looked and stared as I walked. Which was strange because any of the last 15 days nobody wouldve looked twice. It was also my costume that made people stare, usually people have other reasons to stare at me.

Taynis Ester

2007-04-11T12:38:00.000-05:00

gibble gonk gork grout greesh grankl grould green grave granny grieves gray grimy grandad grolsh

posted Thursday, 1 March 2007

Today is taynis ester. (oh no, is he serious? I gotta put down this humongous burger thats just oozing deliciousness?) Although I've gone for days without food (like having to hike for a couple of days with just water and some bread, and first running out of bread, then running out of water. then just running, then tiring, then making it home alive) I decided to practice for a fast yesterday, so I went 12 hours straight without eating or drinking. After 12 hours I quickly drank 2 liters of water and devoured 5 huge chicken sandwiches. Then I went to sleep. Therefore, today I'm all ready for the fast. (practice practice practice) As you can tell, I'm not even mentioning food at all. Not even thinking about it. I dont even remember what it was that I wasnt supposed to be thinking about. My vocabulary storage guys just did a little mutiny routine and made whatever it was walk the plank. Splash. Blub blub. (hey that was my pillow) I'm still unsure what my plans are for purim, but I know that its gonna involve a lot of drinking and parties. (in reality purim started last week. I love this country! we're having 3 solid weeks of aweome parties!) As for shabbos I was planning on going out of yerushalayim to catch an extra day of purim. However since its purim wherever you are anyway even if its technically not purim, and since I've been to the kotel only a couple of times since I came, I figure shabbos would be a great time to go to the kotel.

Taking Vids

2007-04-11T12:30:00.000-05:00

Sorry but I wont post em.just use your imagination.

posted Wednesday, 28 February 2007

Today I took some videos of me around town.One of the videos was me cartwheeling across kikar shabbos intersection when it was a green light. I didnt get hit, but all the people on the bus found it very humorous. So did the people on the side of the road waiting for the light. I also stood on the side of the road holding a lightbulb over my head, while my camera recorded some peoples reactions. When I borrowed the guy on the side of the street's keyboard and attempted to pound out "I know a song that gets on everybodies nerves" there was nobody happier then that charity collector. After I danced with the big santa robot guy with peyos in front of the kippah store, lots of people lined up to take the same video on their cameras. For some reason nobody tried the cartwheel one also. I did a bunch of other fun stuff, but it wasnt captured on camera. (you have to be real fast to catch me, and if you miss it once the cops are there to stop you from doing it again)

This shabbos would be a real good time to go away for shabbos, due to the fact that purim starts motze shabbos in other cities besides yerushalayim. If I would spend sunday elsewhere and return for monday, I'd have two days of purim. I'm not sure what I'm doing yet, but I might end up staying and only having one day. (a gantz yor purim, anyway) Already today little kids were seen prancing around in their costumes delivering hamentashen to their neighbors. Theres approximately 2 weeks of purim in this country. Its amazing.

Not Much

2007-04-11T12:18:00.000-05:00

Just gonna blabber for a couple of seconds,pretend I'm not here and continue your conversation with a lightbulb, youl gain more from that..

posted Saturday, 24 February 2007

This shabbos I ended up staying by a breslav guy. I wasnt sure where I would end up, cuz I had 5 groups of friends going to totally different places.But I made up my mind right before shabbos. (I also made up my mind what I would eat for breakfast. Choices. They are tougher then you think)Shabbos was tons of fun.

This whole country is getting into the purim spirit now, so you cant walk anywhere without hearing some loud music, even louder fireworks and drunken dancing. Its almost like chanuka, smelling donuts frying, or sukkos seeing the billions of sukkos, or shavuos hearing the sounds of stampeding cattle. (I havent been here for a shavuos yet, so I'm just relying on hearesay for those stampeding reports. It could very well be that its totally fabricated) I love it when a whole country gets involved in the same thing. It makes things seem more real.

Some More Apple

2007-04-11T12:13:00.000-05:00

about the tapuach campaign

אני תפוח

posted Tuesday, 20 February 2007

The tapuach campaigns been going on for less then a week. Already the entire country is plastered. From all the way up north to all the way down south. There are volunteers who pledged to knock off certain 'prime' targets. (such as breaking into the egged bus lot, and getting each and every bus, to slapping them onto the knesset building, or on randon homeless guys.) Today in middle of the afternoon, I climbed up to the top of a traffic light in the middle of kikar shabbos. Everyone watched me make the ascent slowly up (and I mean everyone. Nobody was moving. During rush hour.) And after I stuck it on everyone clapped and cheered. In a different part of the country,some guys were almost arrested but managed to get away after a minor fist fight with some cops. Basically its been a pretty big success so far. (If anyone would like to sponsor the next shipment please contact me)

Ani Tapuach Revolution

2007-04-11T12:02:00.000-05:00

I'm an apple youre an apple we're all apples :)אני תפוח

posted Sunday, 18 February 2007

This is probably the only place in the world that you're gonna read about the ani tapuach revolution, unabridged, and skipping nothing(not intentionally at least, out of 3 brain cells that I have left, one is having a sick day and one is busy trying to tie his shoes, so I cant remember much these days). The original story(although it already has a couple of slightly different versions) takes place a couple of years back. Some yeshiva guys (No I dont know any of them personally, at least I dont know if I do, cuz no one can pinpoint exactly who it was. Although I know a guy whos cousins friend was the driver or something.)were speeding in Israel and were pulled over by a cop. The driver after pretending to completely not understand the cop's requests for his license and registration, hands them over with a little wave (underhand, in the its all under control gesture) and says [dont worry] "ani tapuach" (hebrew for I'm an apple). The cop obviously has no clue what he's talking about and puzzled he asks "mah?" Again he repeats his statement with total smug self assurance, that the cop has to ask again "mah?" After a couple of times and the cop starts getting frustrated, a guy from the back pipes up (in an exaggerated american accent) " hu lo yodeya ivris kol kach tov, hu rotze liomer, shekulanu tapuchim!" ( he doesnt know hebrew so well, he wants to say that we are ALL apples!) The cop just let them go. Thats the original story. Then a friend of mine (the garden variety lacking in the sanity department friend of mine)a couple of months ago wrote a song about the incident called ani tapuach. (The lyrics are 'ani tapuach, ata tapuach, kulani tapuchim') Its a very catchy tune and it became rather popular. Then just recently he got a shwarma resturant to sponsor over 10 thousand (just for now, but many more are on the way)bumper stickers with the phrase (by now practically an anthem) ani tapuach ata tapuach kulanu tapuchim. Instantly they were stuck all over the entire country of Israel in every place that you'd never even think thered be one. This friday I was part of the volunteer crew who's job was to cover the entire shomron area with stickers. We started hitching around going from place to place putting em up. We even got to shchem. We hung around the entrance to shchem contemplating putting stickers on the ominous sign prohibiting entry for israelis, but decided against it.(I didnt think it would be a good spot for it) We did put all over the country though. (some pics at end) For shabbos we ended up in elon moreh. Its a beautiful settlement right next to shchem, overlooking shchem, har grizim, har eval, and a couple of arab villages. We got there a little before shkia and knocked on the door at the yeshiva, and asked if there were a couple of empty beds. There were cuz one class had went on a trip, so we unpacked (read: removed cellphone and camera from pocket and placed on dresser) and spent an amazing shabbos in elon moreh. After shabbos we hitched around some more and covered some more ground for the tapuach association volunteer work. We made it back home ok. (besides for us having a minor rock and firework fight, and me winning a chin up contest against two arabs off a street sign) Consider yourselves lucky, when you see the tapuach sticker somewhere in the future, you'll know 'the rest of the story'..

shchem (nablus)

Egypt

2007-04-11T11:45:00.000-05:00

just a country somewhere

posted Thursday, 15 February 2007

I spent the last couple of days in Egypt. Had an awesome time. Some friends and I had some time so we went. We had a driver named Khaleel. He's one of those guys who wear a hand towel on his head and beach towel on his body. Heres a pic.

Khaleel came along with his sidekick security guard. He wore a suit and a very large gun. His name was (in Arabic, something like) squiggle sguiggle sguiggle dot dot sguiggle. He actually saved us a couple of times. We spent tuesday in naama bay, which is the the town center of sharm el sheik. An arab shop owner in naama bay seemed to think my bathing suit would look better on him then on me, and wasnt gonna take no for an answer. After getting away from him and a couple of other 'salesmen' we were glad to see Squiggle squiggle squiggle dot dot squiggle start accompanying us(instead of melting into the crowd and keeping an eye on us unseen). All he had to do was give 'the look' (mess with my boys and you a dead man look) or in an extreme case lift 'the finger' (index, in the uncle sam wants you pose) and people would leave us alone. Heres some pics of naama bay. Then we drove to saint catherine. Thats where har sinai is thought to be. We hiked up the mountain. We started at about 1:30 in the morning and hiked all through the night. It was intense. I almost died. It was a pretty hard hike partly because it was pitch dark, and we had to dodge thousands of tourists and camels doing the same hike (and avoid rocks and slipping and falling over the edge), and partly because I wasnt prepared for the frigid temperatures. (crocs, no socks, tshirt, with thin sweatshirt. Word of advice: if you're ever going hiking for more then 3 hours dont wear crocs, its just not so fun) We caught sunrise on the top of the mountain. I was shivering so much I wasnt able to take a clear picture part of the time. Then we hiked down the mountain, and defrosted slowly as the scorching desert sun slowly rose.
We got back to Khaleel and Squiggle sguiggle squiggle dot dot sguiggle, and drove another 6 hours through the sinai desert. (for the zillionth time throughout the trip) When we got to Cairo, we rented horses and a guide and went off to the pyramids. It was awesome. Theres few things as exhilirating as sitting in the open desert on a powerful arabian steed, taking it to full gallop. No sounds at all but the horse's heavy breathing and hoofs on the sand.Horses can go a lot faster then I thought. (maybe cuz theres guard rails in the desert, so they can just fly) We toured the pyramids and rode around taking pictures. After the pyramids we had to do another buncha hours in the desert. This time the checkpoints didnt just let us pass as easily as before. But we got through em all. (like duh, I'm typing this) I cant figure out why they had so many in the first place. Are the camels escaping? What are they so scared of down there?
Anyway, we got back over the border and it was a real relief. It was so great to see jews again. I was even happy to see the mean Israeli security lady again. It was also cool to see signs that had hebrew on it. We hadnt seen any hebrew in the entire time we were in Egypt. While in Egypt I truly felt like a stranger in a strange land. I had an awesome time, but its great to be home, in my country.

Heres some random pics. (only some, sorry)

A mall in naama bay

a hooka bar

sunrise on top

suez tunnel

the nile river

thats all for now. It takes way to much time to post pics and to shrink em.

Quick Update

2007-04-11T11:40:00.000-05:00

cuz its better to get it over fast,then to let it drag out long and painfully. ask any dentist.

posted Sunday, 11 February 2007

This shabbos I ended up in Bat ayin. Its a small settlement in gush etzion. We decided to go at last minute. We didnt all have place to stay and meals, but we got on the bus and anyway. The busdriver informed us that although it was the bat ayin bus, he wasnt going to bat ayin. No reason given. When we got to a stop, (in the same country, so it wasnt that bad) we had time to simultaneously make calls and hitch. Shabbos was amazing and I had an awesome time. We didnt have to camp out or eat grass. (which is a good thing. grass only tastes good with ranch dressing and I didnt bring any)

Today I raced oranges down steep jerusalem hills. The way to do that is take oranges and push em down a hill (don't worry they dont complain. and even if they did you wouldnt hear them anyway. you could go on sleeping and not have to be woken up by shrill cries of pulp splattered pain, ok?) and you run real fast. I won. By miles.

Pics Game

2007-04-11T11:32:00.000-05:00

I shrunk these even more.

posted Thursday, 8 February 2007

Try to guess where or what these are.... (I took them all within the last week. although they dont look as good shrunken, you're gonna have to use your imagination to appreciate them. Otherwise it would mess up the whole blog size thing.)

Posters

2007-04-11T11:25:00.000-05:00

With me. Grinning. laughing. smiling. its enough to give anyone a heart attack

posted Wednesday, 7 February 2007

I'm not sure when, but sometimes soon my smiling big face is gonna be plastered all over the city. (not my actual face, that would hurt if I got it plastered all over the city, and plaster doesnt come out of ears easily) Yesterday, I modeled for some posters. Chances are if you walk down a street like geula in the sometime near future, you'll see millions of me staring at you. But dont panic. Panicking never helped anybody. If you dont find my advice helpful, and you still want to panic, then feel free to panic. Run down the street waving your arms and screaming as loud as you can. Then start throwing whatever you can get your hands on, and doesnt react violently to being thrown. (biting and clawing isnt what we term 'violently' so feel free to throw your little brother. Unless he's like my little brother and has a small arsenal at his disposal, in which case getting a grenade or a chain saw lobbed down your pants definitely qualifies as violently and youre gonna wanna avoid throwing him.) Smash things and light things on fire. If you can, blow stuff up. Resist arrest. Knock the cop on the head with something hard that managed to escape getting thrown when you first starting panicking. Take the other cops hat away and throw it into the bushes. Laugh maniacally. Run real fast when backup shows up.But only if you werent able to steal a motorcycle. Spend all your time in prison rattling the bars and howling. When trial time comes and the insanity plea gets rejected, (if) you can place the blame on my shoulders. (plenty of room. 'these shoulders hold up so much they wont budge, even if my collarbone's crushed or crumbled I would never slip or stumble cuz I'm a soldier) Explain that you were under the influence of doodle's posters and are completely not responsible for any actions that you may have accidentally resulted while in a state of panic (except that one involving a grenade getting chucked down somebodies pants, theres gotta be a line drawn somewhere) Make sure you can produce a copy of the poster for the jury to see for themselves. So steal one right when the ads go up. This way when the courtroom sees the poster and they go into panic stage, and you finished ducking the thrown objects (that hammer of the judge has got a wicked edge, so make sure that misses you) you can make your escape right before the courtroom gets blown up. If the jury just looks blankly at you, and the old guy (the one with the ridiculous mustache, and who does all the talking for the rest of the courtroom, I think he likes being called prosecutor) asks you if you're joking, and you know he's not gonna be the one to panic (however many grenades get stuffed down his pants) then at least you have a nice poster to hang on your drab cell walls. I'll even stop by to visit (and watch you panicking up and down your cell, throwing your teddy bear at the bars, and saying 'boom' in a loud voice, while I pass the popcorn around to the rest of the spectators) and maybe even to autograph it.

As for shabbos my plans for this shabbos are up in the air right now.(weird, huh?) So I can be anywhere. (hopefully somewhere fun and exciting, but you never know) I should end up deciding before shkia friday night. Thats the initial plan for now. (I think I'm getting the hang of this planning in advance thing, I'd start doing it more often, except that it would remove a lot of the fun out of stuff. Except in the planning to blow stuff up planning beforehand thing.Thats always fun.)

Fun Day

2007-04-11T11:21:00.000-05:00

'the sunl come out tomorow, betchur bottom dollar that tomorow, therel b sun, come what may, tomorow, tomorow i lovya tomorow ur always a day away"......

posted Sunday, 4 February 2007

This past shabbos was very cool, but not what I was expecting. Kfar chabad did not have nearly as much vodka as I anticipated. They had plenty but I was really looking forward to the whole faucet thing. I think I have more vodka in my freezer then they had at the table, (not that much more, only a couple of bottles) but I had a very good shabbos nontheless.

Today I'm having a real fun day. First, when I wake up in the morning my phone informs me that its "restricted" and I have to type in a password. My phone company is totally cluless, and the hebrew dictionary doesnt cover the words I need to explain the problem to them. What ends up happening is that I ask them if they have a box full of laws that my phone swallowed. Finally I get my point across and they decide the problem is beyond them.So I spend a whole bunch of hours going to different stores trying to find someone to unlock my phone. The rain is making my socks make real interesting squish squish noises, and my socks sound like they are trying to tell me something. Pedestrians keep shooting me these weird looks every time I start shouting at my socks "what? what do you want? just say it already!" When I get to the store that unlocked my phone originally, they swear that once a phone is unlocked it can never be locked again, so obviously its a different phone and someone must have climbed into my room while I was asleep and switched my phone for an unlocked one. "like saying today is monday when its sunday, It just can't be that its relocked. Its impossible" The next store tells me the same thing except that "It can't be, the same way you would tell me its not raining outside. It just is" (they all have such great analogies, I bet they all sit around in a cellphone store owner conference making up exciting analogies to drive their customers bonkers) Finally they charge me 50 shek, but after insisting my ohone numbers wont be lost I lose almost every single one. (I had about 300, and now I got to start all over). I have a phone. So I'm very excited. I head back to my apartment to change out of my wet socks and shoes (I'm on my 4th pair of socks, shoes, and pants for the day) I try opening my door but my key get a little jammed. Since this happens all the time I just push a little harder. Anyway my key makes a sharp turn to the left and bends in a 90 degree angle. So I bend it the other way but only half bends, so now my key looks like a w. So giving up on dry socks I wander around the country till I bump into my apartment mate who lends me a key. I let myself in and decide to give up completely on keeping my pants and stuff dry, so I put on a pair of shorts and crocs and venture out into the storm. (this way I stay dry). Then a cab tries running me over. But unlike most cabs, this one is very different. Usually after I dodge, the guy gives up and drives away. This guy just kept on circling, coming back again and again, trying to get me. After dodging a million times, he finally gave up.After some more time I realize my head shouldnt be getting so wet, when I discover my umbrella has permanently turned itself upside down and it refuses to turn right side up. Seeing that pushing wont help (those little metal joints just snap if they dont like you) I have to use an umbrella that catches the water wonderfully. (Its weird that umbrellas are round in the first place. If someone would invent a square umbrella not only would it stay in the right position, it would cover you so much better. Think about it, which human being is round anyway? square would cover your body so much better and you might even be dry.) Today is turning into a real fun day after all. And its only half way through. I wonder what else can happen.

With Pics

2007-04-11T11:13:00.000-05:00

I shrunk em a little but i noticed that lotsa detail and quality was lost, so i didnt shrink em that much.

posted Thursday, 1 February 2007

Today I snapped a pic of the riot police. You know, also known as "men in black" "yassams" "nazis" and "aaaaaaaaaah!". They are the crowd control guys who enjoy inflicting pain and smashing people into little cute piles of people powder. There was a house being demolished for not having the proper permits when it was built, and leaving some people homeless. (as in less of a home then before, in this case zilcherooski home) There were a bunch of regular cops there but the crowd got bigger and bigger so backup was called. Then the crowd got a lot smaller real fast.

Then I bought the hugest slab of halvah. and devoured the whole thing. It was about 4 1/2 thousand calories, and I enjoyed each one. (thats four and a half thousand little enjoyment units) Heres a pic.

This shabbos I'm heading to kfar chabad. Thats one of the few places thats rumored to have vodka replacing the water in the faucets. We'll have to investigate if these rumors are indeed true. Stay tuned..

Leaving

2007-04-11T11:07:00.000-05:00

1 home for another

posted Monday, 29 January 2007

It looks like I'm gonna be going home for pesach.I was contemplating for a little while to actually stay in the holy land for the holiday, but my father informed me that it would be a "better idea" to come home. (without parents I dont know what It'd do, probably something stupid and dangerous. g-d bless em.) I just booked my ticket today. Luckily, I managed to arrange a stopover in germany. Should be fun. I'm still debating about wearing my "my ancestors survived the holocaust and all I got was this lousy tshirt" shirt there. It probably wont go over to well there. (it probably wouldnt go over well anywhere, which is the whole point of a tshirt, otherwise everyone would just be wearing tie-dyed peace signs and thered never be any gang wars.) I still have time to decide.

In other news,today I finally gave in to the temptation and covered the guy who blocked my driveway's windshield in mayo. And I mean covered. Theres no way hes gonna get it off, or park there again. I was getting fed up with ketchup cuz it wasnt a long lasting condiment, and olive oil probably just made his windshield cleaner. Hopefully he learned his lesson or I may have to resort to desperate measures. (last time this happened ,after emtying our fridge on his car, we considering using a bucket of poop, but we felt that a bit to harsh for a first time offender.) Next time we may be less nice. Consider yourselves warned. (or if you have an annoying neighbor, and are looking for some amusement, you can push his car in front of my place, and let nature take its course. For added enjoyment video his face when he discovers his car. And if you still arent satisfied put the vid online. If that doesnt do it email it to his mother-in-law. and first grade teacher. and that bald guy he plays golf with on sundays. and his congressman. If you still arent amused you should seek professional help. Maybe a psychologist. Or just push a psychologists car in front of my driveway.Or a psychologist. Whatever works for you)

Good Shabbos

2007-04-11T11:04:00.000-05:00

in protest of cutting off these subtitle thingys at the interesting part I'm no longer gonna write any interesting stuff. So there. Nowatchagonnado tough guy?

posted Friday, 26 January 2007

For yet another friday I get to enjoy myself, relax.Do nothing. Today I went to the shuk. Got a new pair of crocs. Stocked up on garinim. Went to geulah.Met some friends. Blocked off the street. It was a kid in a wheelchair's birthday so we celebrated with him. We got the Cd salesman on the side of the street to blast music, and we blocked off the street with joyous dancing with him and his friends. Everybody in the street joined in, all sorts of people. All with a huge smile. We even pulled some cab drivers out of their cars to join. (the bus drivers werent so easy to persuade) This went on for a while, but kikar shabbos cant be stopped indefinitely. Even on a birthday. The kid was ecstatic. Its a birthday he'll remember for a long time. Everyone with a camera or camcorder made sure they wouldnt forget it either. After we had finished, and most of the gathered crowd dispersed (anything happens and instantly theres a huge crowd of people gawking. I dont know how they know that somethings happening. Daily I gather everyone together, but thats usually when I start a scene or somehing) a woman came running "oh! could you all start dancing again? I just got my video camera" By then the birthday had gone so we had to continue on our scheduled friday agenda. (Lots and lots of garinim. Eat. Spit. be happy. Repeat. That sorta thing.)

Blah blah

2007-04-11T11:01:00.000-05:00

know what I just realized?This stupid subtitle thing cuts me off about a quarter the way through.All the important stuff that I usually write is completely gone.Forever and ever.lost forever. oh woe is me. for i havent a clue what i wrote.what if it

posted Thursday, 25 January 2007

This shabbos I'm going to be going to one of my relatives. I figure its about time I did. This particular relative invited me about 37 squadrillion times, and each time I had to say that I would love to come but this shabbos I already had plans to go to________ (fill in the blank with whichever place you'd like. Wasnt that fun? Lets play that game! "Charles was a _____ . He enjoyed______, but only on thursdays, if he had ketchup and __________. His great great grandfather was a famous_______, who was also known for his _______ ________. One day charles was walking along to go to the_____, carrying the urn with his famous great great grandfathers ashes.And all of a sudden he was eaten by a giant, scary _________, charles, ashes, and urn. All eaten. the end". Wasnt that a great?I love that game.) So my wonderful relative (who I love dearly, but just had the rotten luck of always calling after I had already made plans) finally told me to call her when my "busy schedule allowed the time" for them. So I'm making time this week. Should be fun. (it usually is. After all, they're related to me)